The title/first line attracted me to this piece, Silva. Nice use of alliterative effects and polysyllables. It reads like a beautiful meditation on movement.
Fantastic poem - liked this a lot, Charles. Very moving, with the spaces between the words and lines doing as much work as the words themselves. Thank you.
I loved this, Sylvia. It's so close to what I try to write and is very personally touching. I could trace you through your voice here which sounds so genuine.
I can see what you are trying to do here- just 'keep being you' and get those words to work for you! There is a nice touch with the imagine/compassion tie up. But you need to highlight these language insights with some kind of patterning of the lines.
Then you have got nascent rhyming with struggle/juggle but it is not followed up.
Try writing in strict rhyme, just for the practice. It will sensitize you to the potential of language expression.
Don't give up - keep going.
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