A lot of this made me feel kind of lonely and felt empathy for Jesse, the main character. Of course, there's no way for me to relate to this at all, however it does invoke a feeling that makes me want to keep reading it and writing more chapters for it! The plot interested me greatly, primarily because I'm into this kind of stuff. However, it can be said that when you notice something and nobody else does it takes a great deal of work to help everyone else make sense of what you're seeing, so it is interesting to find out. The characters seemed believable, even if underdeveloped in some ways. I find a story where you know more about who the person is rather than knowing that person seems more vague, like there's no way to relate to them because they don't seem to even have a situation, personality, or appearance. They're just somebody you're following around and you're having difficulty learning about them. You don't have much trouble with this in this story, but it sure does help a lot when you know everybody a little better.
The dialog is something that didn't bother me much. You knew who was saying what, and when they were saying it. I found some of the chapters to lack in thought, which made it a lot less adequate. First and second person chapters without thought and dialog make it feel like you're not really in control. (which you weren't, anyway.) The kind of groggy, don't-realize-until-your-routine-shower/coffee setting really fits with the "..you" storyline. It's early in the morning, you just took your shower, and voila: you realize you're something different.
What I like most about this is it really gets you thinking, "what would I do in this situation?" and you're given the choice. And about something controversal? That makes it the greatest for me. What I liked least was its underdeveloped frame. It seemed like the "..you" storyline is the only one where you were even likely to find the main object of the story, anthropomorphism. Of course you would notice it when you woke up as one, but at school? Maybe. In the neighborhood? No, probably not. Somewhere else? Again, not likely.
I didn't find that anything in particular stood out, except that there was no room for anything without fur. Dragons, orcas, dolphins, any of those are possible anthro choices and yet the first thing you notice in the "..you" storyline is that you feel FUR in the shower. Now, anything with scales or skin would cause a large plothole, because there are no fluffy dragons, I guarantee you.
Besides what I mentioned before, there's not much I would change within the writing, since you only wrote the starting frame. The writing was memorable and I bookmarked the story because I couldn't wait for updates to come. I'd like to promote the story in any way, because the plot is just waiting for me to choose and I can barely refrain from writing an entire novel within the interactive!
I think that this should go a long way, and it can only get better. Keep on writing! |
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