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Review by askeral Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Several typos. The story is very busy. Try toning down descriptions. For instance, in the first paragraph, you only need to say that City of Brekvahnah is the only industrial city.

However, you are working with a good story line that has potential. I'd like to see where the story goes. Keep it up.
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