The power in this piece made me quite emotional. I think the use of imagery combined with the bold reality of things (such as explicitly naming the charges) was beautifully done. It was jarring in the right way.
"I had to bare witness
splay myself open before strangers
feel their eyes searching
reveal my naked emotion."
That part in particular stood out to me. I think people often overlook the impact of a victim testifying in front of a jury, judge, and room full of strangers. It is personal. It can feel violating all over again.
I truly loved this and it left me with a lump in my throat.
Wow, this was powerful. I got a very haunting vibe from this piece and it hurt to read. Very well expressed. I did notice a couple of spelling/grammatical errors:
"She barely spoke, but in the rare occasions that she did" I would change that to "on"
"Her blue eyes overflowed with utmost intelligence;" I might say, "with the utmost intelligence" or just "with intelligence"
I have to admit I was completely transfixed right from the beginning. Your descriptions are vivid yet abstract and can represent a lot of different things. I think it's easy for a reader to see themselves in this.
"Like a joke not worth explaining
to people who don't understand laughter,
I can't help myself from myself."
I can't explain to you how hard that hit. What a perfect ending. It's like a punch to the gut because of how relatable it is, and almost comical because what can a person in this situation really do? This was a great piece.
I want to start off by thanking you for writing about a topic like this. Oftentimes people shy away from the ugly reality of how societies treat people yet wonder why they snap.
"They don’t ask for explanations, or care at all about your offence or if you have been rehabilitated." was a particularly powerful line for me. How can a system that claims to care about rehabilitation turn around and never address it again?
People judge easily. They judge unconsciously. Maybe this will inspire people to rethink those judgements.
I really enjoyed this piece. I do like the fact that it wasn't broken into stanzas, albeit the fact that it made it a tad bit harder to read.
I suggest that this line: "For the right to awake with the light", you change awake to awaken. Not a necessary change, but something I think might benefit the sentence.
Expanding on this piece in the future might be a good idea if that's something you're interested in. It's a fascinating topic and I'd love to read more of it!
Absolutely beautiful and full of emotion. I'm so sorry to hear that this is not a fictional piece, and I can't imagine the pain of a mother losing a child- but this poem conveyed those feelings very well.
I actually found this quite informative! I liked the style of broken up lines even if it was a bit jarring at times, and I didn't find any technical errors. I haven't come across many pieces like this so far, so I appreciate your creativity in contributing to these topics.
Overall this was very interesting to read, and that last line was absolutely food for thought. Perfect way to end things.
What a cliffhanger ending! I'm so curious to find out more details, this was really interesting. I like how you built up the action and you really communicated the urgency and fear of the main character.
I did notice some grammar issues, but they didn't detract from the overall impact of the story. I would suggest that in the phrase "Every second is precious and every step leading me closer to Henley and farther from him" you add the word both after me (Every second is precious, and every step leading me both closer to Henley and farther from him).
I adore this poem. It almost reads as a tongue twister with such similar words grouped together which made it really enjoyable. I found the structure of the poem to be perfect for the theme.
My only suggestion is that the line "You will awake with your eyes" be changed to awaken. It seems like it might flow a little better. Just a suggestion though!
This was such an uplifting piece, I loved it. Short but sweet as they say. I did notice one small typo in the line "I don't plan to stop before death takes it's hold. " It's should be its.
This was a really enjoyable read, and honestly it's refreshing to see some positivity.
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