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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/atoubqv7
Review Requests: OFF
10 Public Reviews Given
81 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am often very critical in the mechanics of writing as too many errors can impact really badly on the reader and their desire to keep reading. I also concentrate on the storyline pace and character development. Any reviews provided by me are honest and encouraging but are not designed to be wishy washy with kindness - my aim is to help not destroy!!!
I'm good at...
Sport .... oh better add reading and writing
Favorite Genres
historical romances, romances in general, action and drama
Least Favorite Genres
poetry but that doesn't mean I won't accept it - I will still read and review
Favorite Item Types
Chapters, Short Stories, Drafts, Novels and Fiction
Least Favorite Item Types
School items like Essays, Assignments etc
I will not review...
..... no it is I will review EVERYTHING. Even if I do not understand it, I will still offer the best advice and service I can.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Stay  Open in new Window.
Review by Becky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi JPMurphy,

Please remember, I'm a writer just like you, and these are only my impressions. My ultimate goal is to be helpful, encouraging and supportive. I hope that my comments help you in some way but remember that they are just my oppinions and you can take them at face value.

I have really enjoyed the emotion your stanzas have created however the flow of some words seemed alittle forced with trying to end on a ryhme. I will happily admit that poetry is not my strong point and don't know the structures at all so if you have kept to a formal format in each of the lines, you may disagree with me about that. As an example your opening two lines 'A dimming moon glow As night fades away' is alittle complex in trying to establish your setting.

I do really like your 'Forever is a day Longing for tomorrow' - it is a really good statement in matching the regretfulness of seperation and well done.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Becky
2
2
Review of Dear Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Becky Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
What an incredibly worded piece of poetry, April. The words are accurate to the time frame of the knights of the realm and draw a very distinct image of your knight’s passion for his lady.

I will freely admit to not being an expert in poetry creation and have no notion of whether your stanzas are set to a formal length I would like to suggest a few little changes that I feel might benefit you (if you are happy to accept)

“When we ran ‘round together, coquettish, coy” (change to Too long since we …..)
“The grand nest of our love left never a trace” (change to Where the grand…)

“Bittersweet tears would escape your eyes when” (change the your to thy to match the language of the past you have used)

“I would call upon thee to bid thee farewell” (remove the second thee)

“Thee just how much I suffered without thee” (change the first thee to Oh)

“For enemies foreign and enemies here” (change to For enemies far and enemies near)

“To King and Country and to my English rose” (change to To King, to Country and to my English rose)
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