transpierce =trans pierce. "the day meandered and indeed did run" this in my opinion seems to be a bit of an oxymoron meandered implies the day went slowly, while run implies that it went to fast... just my opinion but you might try to find a happy medium instead of using meandered... unless you meant it to be this way. As for the style in which this poem was written I am truly impressed. This style takes a lot of skill and careful thought for making the flow come out right. Well done! Keep up the good work and write on. Baeby
grammar/punctuation:the grammar and punctuation in this piece are just fine well done
emotions:the emotions in this piece do come across very well.
flow:This piece does not flow the way I think it could. it doesn't seem to have a consistent rhyme scheme and each verse seams to have a different flow to it. If this was meant to be free style it is fine but if this was an attempt at a traditional style you really need to work on the rhyme and rhythm.
imagery:the imagery in this piece is a little muddled but that is ok.
what I liked:I like the line "I say I love you like there is a tomorrow" that in my opinion is a brilliant line.
other suggestions:
words of encouragement:this has the potential of being an outstanding piece. thank you for sharing your work. Write On!
from what I see here this has the potential of being a very good story I find myself asking a couple of questions though hopefully you will be answering who this guy is and why he ratted her out? and I am interested to find out how exactly she got there in the prison. the only thing I might change is when you transition from her going to exicute her plan to her being in prison you might add somthing like a pain or a noise to alert the reader of the transition. keep up the goor work and let me know when you have more to read ..... Baeby
This piece is very funny. I had a herd time with it due to it's lack of paragraphs this is somthing you might want to remedy. The imagry is good and agian Very funny. I like the content of this piece. I hink with the addition of paragraphs this would be an outstanding piece. write on and keep up the good work. Baeby
THis peice is very well written. I had to laugh this poem is very well done. I like the topic and the aproach to it. this shows tallent and the rhyme scheme is very good. it makes me think of a couple of people I know lol. keep up the good work, and keep writing. Baeby
This piece flows well and it is very good on imagry. It did seem that the author was not quite sure weather he was writing free verse or traditional poetry. but that is easily fixed by either putting in or taking out compleetly the rhyme scheme. I very much liked the format othis piece. and in the next to last line it reads "They all my be very good seasons but only one is my favourite" should be "They all MAY be very good seasons but only one is my favourite" this is a good piece altogether these are just suggestions. Keep Writing and sharing. I enjoy reading your work. Baeby
OK I love the format of this piece! This is a well written piece I only saw one slight mistake where it reads "Oh year can't forget my" it might be meant to read "Oh you can't forget my". other than that this piece is awesome. I love the fact the format spells out PS2 lol. the rhyme scheme is very well done as well. Keep up the good work. And by all means keep sharing. Baeby
This piece has very good form and the imagery is very good. It didn't flow quite like a poem more like a short story but it was cute non the less. The narative was very well done in thispiece I think that with a little change to the way it is narrated it could be a very good poem. this is a well written piece anyway. thanks for sharing Baeby.
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