The bald writer's (baldjeff) Reviews

The bald writer

Review Requests: OFF

73 Public Reviews Given

73 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4463790

Review of Ace In The Hole

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi

My name is ,baldwriter This is a review by a writer with no hair, not Shakespeare . Please take it as such. I hope you enjoy and can find value in it.

Title Ace In The Hole

First Impression: I always considered flash fiction as a complete story told in a short energetic format. While this piece was short and energetic it seems to be part of a larger piece of fiction, one that may be quite interesting, but much longer.
what needs your attention: You spent a large percentage of your writing speaking of what he found in the vehicle. Obviously, it was what he needed. But you never disclosed what it was. I found this disappointing.
What part I liked best: The part you wrote was interesting and produced many questions. It made you want to know what else was going on.
Overall Impression: As I stated in my first impression, I see this as an interesting piece of a larger work, not flash fiction. Still, it was an interesting piece.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

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#4419235

Review of Oceanic Taxidermy

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

I have never heard of this format before. It has very tight rules, like a haiku. You followed all of the rules. My only question would be with the word bounty. Since most of the sea's bounty is underwater and cannot be seen I wonder if beauty or vastness might work better. EIther way, it was a nice piece.

3

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#4416274

Review of Memories of Past

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Thank you for sharing your warm revealing story. I understand what it means not to be sure of tomorrow. I started life with a divorced schizophrenic mother in projects in the south Bronx. My story is more fortunate than most. Between then and now I got degrees a business, house, success. Then came the downside and I now drive an uber, while looking for another business to start. But with a roof over my head and a son with an advanced degree in statistics, what people ask me if I am angry about what happened, I respond that for me to complain I would be greedy. I have had the opportunity to have both more and less than most people ever will. What I have learned is that tomorrow is always exciting, filled with challenges to look forward to. (and fear). I hope you have many more happy Christmases and overcome all your future challenges.

4

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#4416240

Review of The Mystery of Boneyard Alley

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi

My name is ,baldwriter This is a review by a writer with no hair, not Shakespeare . Please take it as such. I hope you enjoy and can find value in it.

Title The Mystery of Boneyard Alley

First Impression: I admire your ability to install intricate details in your characters and story. I have never been very detailed minded but need to be more so in my writing. While I was reading your story, I kept thinking that I need to do more of that in my writing.
what needs your attention: The ending, it needs to be more than a tree limb. It is the first thing someone would look at when they hear knocking at their window every night. Maybe an animal living in the tree, but not just a tree limb. You have too much going for you in this story, and it is too nicely written to end it on a limb. (pun attempted)
What part I liked best: I have already told you how much I admired your attention to detail. Another strong point is that you were able to do this while keeping the story moving at a very nice pace. The pace keeps the reader involved in the story.
Overall Impression: I enjoyed reading this story. It moved well, had a nice well drawn out, and detailed plot at a nice pace.

5

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14 days may be credited.

#4416099

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "~ Blue Daisies ~"

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Hi

My name is ,baldwriter This is a review by a writer with no hair, not Shakespeare . Please take it as such. I hope you enjoy and can find value in it.

Title Blue Daisies..

First Impression: I looked up the contest you are entering. You may have missed a few items that are necessary. 1: You need to state the word count. 2: You need to highlight the word blue.
what needs your attention: You need to do the above in order for your submission to be considered.
What part I liked best: Blue Daises are rare indeed. So are people with a positive outlook on life. You are one, and your story shows it.
Overall impression: It is a short piece with a continuation that I have not read yet. I assume you did it that way to comply with the contest word count. Then again Oscar made clear I should never assume. Positiveness is contagious. Thank you for spreading it to me.

6

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#4400131

Review of Out Of Nowhere

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi

My name is ,baldwriter This is a review by a writer with no hair, not Shakespeare . Please take it as such. I hope you enjoy and can find value in it.

Title Out of nowhere Contest Flash Fiction.

First Impression: Déjà vu. I believe I have had this trip. In fact, I know it. Fortunately, the results were different.
what needs your attention: Hey three hundred words, filled with emotion and drama. Anybody has any complaints send them to me. I have a rack that needs work.
What part I liked best: Within the space of 300 words you managed to change the pace of the action. Increasing it as it closed in on the conclusion.
Overall impression: You had a limited amount of space to work with. 300 words. Yet you managed to produce a complete tale, with an interesting ending.

7

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14 days may be credited.

#4391524

Review of Horehound Candy

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I don't usually read or review poetry (except for I write 2018) but you recently reviewed a chapter in Lady Jayne. Thank you

I enjoyed reading your poem. It brought a smile to my face. It is amazing how a non-living item can bring back memories, not only of people we loved and lost but what made the time we spent with them special. I enjoyed the poem you wrote not because it describes a wonderful time in your life, but because it allows me to feel the love you have for your father. Loved ones pass away but the memories they left with us last forever.

8

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14 days may be credited.

#4389411

Review of The Year Of The Horse

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I am writing this review for write 2018.
I have to begin with an apology. I don't usually read poetry. That said it seems that every time I make a submission to this contest, I end up reviewing poetry.So I apologize in advance for my inadequacies.

TO begin, even though I looked at the contest you entered I could not find the prompt, so I could not speak to poem's fidelity to the prompt.

Second: I was not sure if the free spirits were meant as the wild spirit of horses, the more supernatural kind, or even the human kind. The nice thing is that it works, no matter what type of free spirit you mean.

I assume you are talking about racehorses. Your poem reminds me of Dan Fogleerg's song, " Run For The Roses". I recommend it if you have never heard it. I similarly enjoyed your attempt to portray their motivations and well as their majesty.

Finally, I enjoyed the movement of your prose, as well as the imagery. I can see your horse stretching for the finish line, needing to reach it, to be first.

9

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14 days may be credited.

#4385903

Review of Craft of Writing Trivia

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I am not sure about some of the test creators choices but I found it enjoyable.

10

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14 days may be credited.

#4383680

Review of After Party

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Short Story · Entertainment · #2146021

Hi

My name is ,baldwriter This is a review by a writer with no hair, not Shakespeare . Please take it as such. I hope you enjoy and can find value in it.

Title After Party

First Impression: Your story brought a smile to my face. I remember parties like that . Or at least I think I do.
what needs your attention: The missing dishwasher is a bit much. I think it actually takes away from your story. Many of has have either been to or thrown a party like you describe. But have you ever tried to lift a dishwasher?
What part I liked best: Your story gets right to it. The first sentence, the first paragraph. It makes the reader ask the question, whats happening here. I also enjoyed the dialogue between Brad and Dean.
Overall impression: I enjoyed reading your story. You should try writing it with a different ending. One where Brad does not join the popular group, but finds out that he was just used. Again I enjoyed what you wrote, but I wonder what you might do with the other possibility. Let me know if you do.

11

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#4381731

Review of Flash #2

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I don't usually read flash fiction, and I was not sure what to make of your story when I first read it. So I read it again. In a flash. I finally realized that your story was not only cute but complete. Your character (no name) tells her story of a love lost to someone she admires. But, more than that she portrays a worldview of non-recriminating optimism, always looking forward to what may happen tomorrow. The only thing I am not sure of is her godlike qualities. Inventing flowers. I think that takes away from the story. Maybe it would work better if she invented something more frivolous. I think that would be more in character, and fun.

12

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#4381340

Review of Short Shots: Official WDC Contest

Review by The bald writer

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

It just occurred to me that I may have forgotten to put my word count on my submission "The Sandman Watches" Can I correct this.

13

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#4379543

Review of A Word To The Herd

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River

Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)

First,congratualtions on your recuperation. You sound like this last year was a tough one. The good thing about a new year, it's new. Enjoy the forward.

Second, thank you for your suggestions. It is obvious that you care about this site and the people in it.

Third From reading your article there seems to be a lot more going here than I realized.I will have to look into them.

Finally, I guess this is not really a review. Then again your piece was not really a short story (where I found it). But I enjoyed it, and I appreciate you ging out of your way to help.
Happy New Years.

14

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#4378496

Review of Flies

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Short Story · Horror/Scary · #2143509

Hi

My name is,baldwriter This is a review by a writer with no hair, not Shakespeare. Please take it as such. I hope you enjoy and can find value in it.

Title: Flies

First Impression: A thoughtful journey into the mind of a troubled mother and her family.
what needs your attention: Take out the last sentence. The transformation. It takes away from a moving story.
What part I liked best: Describing what goes on in a person’s mind, especially one who is schizophrenic is difficult and you do it wonderfully. You also do a great job in describing the effect her illness has on the ones around her. My mother was schizophrenic. She used to put notes on the wall demanding that whoever was watching her stop. As a 9-year-old it was frightening.
Thoughts and Suggestions: Skip the transformation. It takes away from the story. Keep with the family and their relationship. How did the psychoses develop? You have a great start to a psychological discovery. Let me know what you do. I will look forward to reading more if you decide to move forward with this.

15

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#4376844

Review of What was it like to die

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Short Story · Action/Adventure · #2142805

Hi

My name is,baldwriter This is a review by a writer with no hair, not Shakespeare. Please take it as such. I hope you enjoy and can find value in it.

Title: What was it like to die
First impression: I like the way you started your story. It was quick, direct, and involving. It presents a puzzle and makes the reader want to know more.
what needs your attention The part where the chained character’s psyche transports into the other character is confusing. I had to read it a few times before I understood what was happening.
What part I liked best: . The characters were interesting, and so was the dialogue. It kept you wanting more.
Overall impression I assume this is part of a larger piece. As I said I found it interesting, and look forward to seeing more. If you do continue the piece let me know. I will happily continue with the review.

16

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#4374377

Review of Simul

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River

Rated: ASR

| (3.0)

Short Story · Thriller/Suspense · #2141530

Hi

My name is,baldwriter This is a review by a writer with no hair, not Shakespeare. Please take it as such. I hope you enjoy and can find value in it.

Title: Simul

First Impression: A long time ago There was a book and a series, where a superior society created a computer to figure out what was the meaning of life. We were that computer and mice were the means of data collection. At the end came the answer. 1. No, I did not know what it meant then. I also do not know what 68 means now. Keep in mind I enjoyed the book and the series. The question is what will you do with it, now that you have a number.
what needs your attention: Your character recites the societal changes like a list. There is no reaction. Does she care? If not, why is she worried? Does she wonder what was her society like before? You have the chance to tell the reader a lot about her if you use this area to tell us how she feels about the changes. Why does her mother seem so distant? Is it a defense mechanism in a society where members may be removed at the behest of a non-emotional computer?
What part I liked best: The idea of a future dystopian society from the point of view of an adolescent who knows nothing else. What is she worried about. The possible separation from her family and friends. Her home. Is she the go along get along type, or the independent risk taker. What is happening in that apparently unruly zone that used to be called Missouri. Does their nonconformity help them to grow into an entity the computer cannot predict, let alone control? What I like best are all the possibilities.
Overall impression To me this piece seems like the beginning of a longer and more involved work. Like all beginnings, it has all the possibilities of what is going to happen. What does it all mean? What you, the writer wants. (So many decisions). If you continue with this work I would like to see what you do with it. By the way, do the results really matter, or is it just a means of control.

17

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14 days may be credited.

#4364763

Review of A Fairy Tale

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: ASR

| (1.5)

Short Story · Children's · #2136115

Hi

My name is ,baldwriter This is a review by a writer with no hair, not Shakespeare . Please take it as such. I hope you enjoy and can find value in it.

Title A Fairy Tale

First Impression: . I am going to be blunt. Your story was difficult to read. The prose was cumbersome. The chronology did not work.
what needs your attention: {''Happy birthday'' said a shy voice.'' And happy birthday to you'' replied a bolder one.} I understand you want to show that your main character is shy, but maybe it would work better if you gave her a name and then showed how she was shy.
2 The voice was too passive almost throughout, and makes the story more cumbersome than it needs to be.
3 The rainbow gives birth every 100 years. These young fairies are 12 years old. The old fairies die out. How old were they. Are there other fairies in between these ages? Are the fairies in the story the only fairies? If not, why are they not helping?
4 If the old fairies were aware of the dragon, why did they not train the new fairies in the 12 years they had?
5 How did the shy fairy know to hug the unicorn.
6 Why is 12 such a predominant number throughout the story.
7 You used the word “befell” in a sentence. ( I could not find it again) Using such a passive old English word adds to the cumbersome of the story. I also was not sure if it was the correct word there.
What part I liked best: . I like stories where a “shy” seemingly weak character grows to learn about its inner strength and grows into a strong leader. I am currently reading a series by Brant Weeks called the “Lightbringer” series, where this happens to the main character.
Overall impression This seems like a first draft. Go back and rework it. Try to make it more active, less passive. Check your chronology, and word uses. If you decide to and would like me to review the next draft let me know. I would be happy to do it.

18

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14 days may be credited.

#4361975

Review of New or Old Contest Designs

Review by The bald writer

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Cupids Arrow

(E)
A springtime romantic comedy.
#2134981 by The bald writer

19

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14 days may be credited.

#4357013

Review of Chapter 2: Caught up in the Current

Review by The bald writer

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

Action/Adventure · #2126929
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi

My name is ,baldwriter I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Caught up in the Current

First Impression: I was wondering about the name Pandora. She of the box, which when opened created disasters. Your character does not seem to be creating disasters, but finding herself dealing with them. If you are trying to make an association with a well known character, Pauline might work better. As in the perils of Pauline. Just a thought.

what needs your attention: Pacing is important to me when I read a story. Often, I find the pacing to slow, making the story sluggish. In your case it is a bit too fast. It makes it more like a quick tv cartoon. If you slow it down a bit, and make it less frantic, it might work better.
What part I liked best: . The moral dilemmas she faces while trying to save herself. Who has more right to the boat, her or the stranger.
Overall Pace is important. Too fast it is chaotic, too slow it is frantic. The balance in a story like this is hard. I hope you find it.
195 words

20

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#4356272

Review of Problems with Pakistan's Democracy

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Essay · Political · #2079330
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Titile Problems with Pakistan's Democracy
I found your essay well written and interesting. I decided to ignore the regular review format in order to discuss some of your points
1 (What is democracy? It can aptly be defined as ‘the rule of the people; by the people and for the people’, or in other words ‘the rule of the majority’. Democracy presents a, seemingly, very efficient and impressive political system, as it gives the power to the common men to elect their representatives, who would look after the affairs of the country on their behalf. This is a complete opposite of ‘Monarchy’, because the state is run, in a way, by the people themselves. But what if the majority is incapable of looking after the country? What if the literacy rate of a country is 49%, including those who are able to spell and write their names? What if the majority is incapable of understanding what is the best for them? What then?)
A. Democracy is not necessary the rule of the majority. Different systems defines how the governing entity can be structured. As an example in our last election Trump loss the popular vote by over 3 million, but won enough states to win an electoral majority.
B. The illiterate have a right to a choice as well. When we decide who has the capacity to vote we eliminate those people from the process, which causes a feeling of second class.
(I need to go now. I will add more points tomorrow.)

21

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#4355406

Review of Ol' Man Doolittle

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (2.5)

Fiction · Horror/Scary · #1664939
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi

My name is ,baldwriter I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Old Man Doolittle

First Impression: Your characters are a dirty financier, and a funeral director. Neither are looked on with favor in our society. Even if one is necessary for our society. Pitting one against the other can be interesting. Then there is that coin.
What needs your attention: . Doolittle is detailed down to his bulbous nose. But he is clichéd, which may take away from his repugnance, rather than enhance it. What would happen if he was an attractive smooth-talking banker. Would that make him seem more sinister.
What part I liked best: . The idea of the coin given to Doolittle has many trans-formative uses that intrigued me.
Overall impression I am not sure if this is a stand-alone piece or the beginning of a larger work. If this is part of a larger work, I wonder how you will use the coin. In some ways, it seemed to be the main character by the way you began the story.
182 words

22

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14 days may be credited.

#4353376

Review of Suitor From the Shades

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (2.0)

Short Story · Supernatural · #2129392
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi

My name is ,baldwriter I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Suitor From the Shades

First Impression: . When we rush our work and our decision making bad things can happen. To be a ghost and forced to see the results of our mistakes can be hell indeed.

What needs your attention: . The last sentence is unnecessary. If you are going to continue the story you could use something like the sentence, otherwise it would be assumed by the proceeding sentence. Leaving it in there, takes away from the story. Makes the ending weaker

What part I liked best: . The question of what is really important to us, the choices we make, and their repercussions is one I enjoy reading about.

Overall impression: Sometimes when we know the end to the stories we write we take shortcuts to get there. I do it as well. I find that when I go back and reread the piece there is a lot to be added and worked on to make the story complete.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

23

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#4351714

Review of Sibling Rivalry

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 18+

| (1.5)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Short Story · Folklore · #2125033

Hi

My name is ,baldwriter I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Sibling Rivalry

First Impression: The protagonist seems to be too young for what she is doing. I know there are a lot of video where this takes place, but it seems to me that the story needs more maturity in the main character.

What needs your attention: The story seems to be moving too fast. It needs to have a foundation for the relationship between brother and sister. Some information about the family may help.

What part I liked best: A family fairy godmother helping to save the world.

Overall impression: There was a novel written by Elizabeth Kostova named “The Historian”. The antagonist ended up being Count Dracula. You did not learn this until well into the mystery. It involved wonderful geographical descriptions of many parts of eastern europe. My point is the time and space the writer used to get the reader from one place to the next, one scene to the next, one chapter to the next. I don’t know if this is your plan as you work on this. If it is, My prop. I am sure it is a lot of work. If not find a way to slow the story line down another way. Be a turtle. There may be wonderful nuggets in the story right underneath your nose.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

24

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14 days may be credited.

#4351712

Review of I Remember Daddy

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Review Fiction · Genealogy · #2124970
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi

My name is ,Baldwriter I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: I Remember Daddy

First Impression: Your ability to set your characters personality and relationship eloquently and visually is wonderful.

What needs your attention: There have been many stories written about sibling relationships, contested wills, and family memories. The trick is to keep it original. I think you are off to a good start. You need to be careful not to fall into using cliché’s or overused story lines as you continue. That is the hard part. So far so good.

What part I liked best: You leave your story with many different possible story lines. What is the relationship between these sisters, their mother, and grandfather. What is Jez’z ability to remember a father she has not seen since she was 24 months old. So much more.

Overall impression: Obviously from my previous remarks, I enjoyed reading what you have written so far. I hope you decide to continue. Please let me know as you do.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

25

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#4351622

Review of Game of Thrones

Review by The bald writer

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Review Fiction · Genealogy · #2124970
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi

My name is ,Baldwriter I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: I Remember Daddy

First Impression: Your ability to set your characters personality and relationship eloquently and visually is wonderful.

What needs your attention: There have been many stories written about sibling relationships, contested wills, and family memories. The trick is to keep it original. I think you are off to a good start. You need to be careful not to fall into using cliché’s or overused story lines as you continue. That is the hard part. So far so good.

What part I liked best: You leave your story with many different possible story lines. What is the relationship between these sisters, their mother, and grandfather. What is Jez’z ability to remember a father she has not seen since she was 24 months old. So much more.

Overall impression: Obviously from my previous remarks, I enjoyed reading what you have written so far. I hope you decide to continue. Please let me know as you do.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.