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Review by Bella Russell Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked the story, but I was a little confused when I first started reading it. I would like to share a little information from one of my teachers' editions for creative writing. Every story is different and each scene is important.

Flashbacks I think might apply to this story. Here is a quote from one of the books I taught from. "Except for relatively rare cases in which a character flashes back to an event that the reader has directly witnessed, flashbacks dramatize events that happened before the point of attack. While exposition may or may not be presumed to occur in the mind of the character, a flashback is always presumed to be a remembrance." ..."Scenes that interrupt the ongoing action. They serve expository purposes, but they dramatize rather than talk about something in the past."

Some of the dialogue I felt was a little choppy. The sentence structure could use a little more attention. But overall, the story is quite interesting. Remember this is only my point of view. One thing I like to add is that when I write I like to include the senses, not all at once, but through the scenes to give the person reading your work a sense of smell, sound, vision, feeling and other emotions that can be felt.

I hope this is helpful and wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing.
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Review by Bella Russell Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I loved the way you wrote the scene. It played out quite well. The introduction to everyone was good and gave us an idea of who we are watching within the scene. I felt you did well with the diction. I found it easy to follow. Good job.
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