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415 Public Reviews Given
428 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

Very descriptive piece of work. Your descriptive phrases work very well in painting the scenes you are describing.

you also nailed his emotional state.

I was not too sure how you were going to take it when you introduced the intruder, I had a quick vision of some dark diabolical plot taking shape.

Plenty of scope for you to build this into something bigger in many different genres.

Nice work.


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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

A nice pleasant tale.

Enough descriptive phrases to set the scene, but not too much to be overpowering and flowery.

The dialogue between your characters worked well it flowed nicely.

Grammar i am poor at myself so no comment on that from me.

This was one of those feel good stories for me, i enjoyed reading this.

Nice jib, well done.


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Review of Thaw  Open in new Window.
Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

Nice story and well written. I did not expect that last line. Very good touch that, i did work out that they were dead but the impression I got was that they had been dead a while and she had become accustomed to it. The last line gave it a whole new meaning.

Nice job, well done.


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Review of The Sargasso Void  Open in new Window.
Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
HI,

Your story kept me engaged throughout. Which to be honest i was suprised about as i do not normally read sci-fi.
The dialogue between your two characters worked well, it flowed nicely and seemed natural.

Although a small word count you managed to get quite a lot in there.

You set the scene, got a bit of a back story in there too.

Grammar i am not very good at so i will not comment.

Nice job, well done.


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5
Review of Bums Up  Open in new Window.
Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
This worked very well. I was chuckling my head off by the time I had finished reading.

The fact the phone was in the van was a great last line.

Although the word count is small you have painted enough of a descriptive picture that i could visualise the man on the ambulance and the fireman trying not to laugh.

Job well done.


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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice story.

I love the way you have told this from a snails point of view.

The sentiment about mom always being right was good too, something i think we can all relate to.

For such a small word count your little snail had quite the adventure.

A nice small story written well, well done.


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Review of Love's a Racket  Open in new Window.
Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Nicely done.

I like the tennis reference for that last line, it worked like a charm.

When i first started reading this i was not quite sure how it was going go, but you did something very good here in such a small word count. Not only did you tell a short story you managed to give us 25 plus years.

Very well done. i enjoyed reading this


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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, you set a fantastic scene, it felt really earie and dark.

I did struggle reading the piece at the very start. However it still read well. Plenty of hints of something dark and mysterious lurking around the English countryside.

I can relate to this a bit, we have plenty of local tales about murders that have taken place and ghosts haunting local big houses.

I live in the Midlands by a place called Cannock Chase, a big area of woodland with lots of local stories like the ones you were hinting at.

Nice job, well done.


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Review of Pass into Night  Open in new Window.
Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, very nice twist at the end.

Even though this is a small word count you managed to get a fair bit of information into it. You set the scene well and his pain came through too.

I liked some of your descriptive phrases, short but to the point, 'It burned like turpentine on an open cut,' I thought this one very good.

Nice job, well done.


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Review of Aunt Helen  Open in new Window.
Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,

A nice piece of writing. You captured you characters feelings really well. Unfortunately a situation we all have been through, unless you have been lucky enough to miss this experience.

You managed to get some nice descriptive phrases in, and express his feelings well.

The last line was nice, a bit of hope at the end of a sad experience.

Well done, nice job.


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Review of Cats  Open in new Window.
Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, You certainly built up some suspense in your tale. I was starting to read faster to take it in quicker.

I loved that last line, a nice twist on a well crafted piece of work.

I do not comment on grammar it is something that i need to work on myself.

A nice example of how we can use everyday creatures and situations and turn them into something more.

Job well done.


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Review of Time's Dark Edge  Open in new Window.
Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Nice, I was not expecting the ancient evil. You caught me with that.

I liked the feeling you got across with this piece. I could see the couple in my mind interacting with each other, neither of them willing to give in. A thing i think we can all relate to.

Although brief, the dark feeling of despair and terror came across well.

I like it that you left us with questions to answer.


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Review of A Big Mistake  Open in new Window.
Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
A harrowing tale.

I noticed a few mistakes that you may want to look at and put right.
'so they would not see when had happened to me' Just a word change here. There are a couple more I noticed, nothing bad but it will help your story flow if you have a look at them.

The story is thought out and it flows from one scene to another. You have set it out nicely and it is easy to read like that.

Nice job overall, well done


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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Dialogue worked well.

I liked they ay you left it hanging for us to decide what actually happened to between them. I take the Hog was a Harley. It is not a term amny in the UK are familiar with buti'm a biker so have heard it used many times.

The story flowed well. Something I personally would struggle with using only dialogue to tell a tail.

My sixth sense is telling me she hit him with something.

Have you considered building this into something bigger? Maybe have her shoot him then go on the run and eventually get caught and write her experience up a best selling biography.

Either way nicwe job


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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice twist at the end.

Your dialogue worked well between the two characters. The argument or discussion flowed nicely.

You painted your scene with few descriptive sentences, but managed to convey enough for us to see the scene and how the story worked within that setting.

Grammar i do not know enough about it to comment on.

Nice job, well done


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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Good story.

You gave us plenty of background on the scientists and the Chicago device, information on how the device could be misused.

The alternate universes is a good idea when it comes to plot, you could do lots of things with this story and take it in many directions using those alternate worlds.

Do you plan to develop this further? If you do I look forward to reading it.

Well done.


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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
A nice heart warming story. I did notice quite a few typo's that you may want to look at and fix.

Other than that you gave us some background on the country and royal family, and then you told us the current state of things and how the family are still looking over their land.

So you had a nice flow to your story.

The bit about your own family was a nice touch.

A good story, only the typo's to sort out.


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Review of Texas Fields  Open in new Window.
Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
good job.

I liked the idea of secret military corn.

I can see massive corn fields planted around the White House and Buckingham Palace.

Although not too many out and out descriptive phrases you still manage to set the scene well. For instance the fields you never went into massive detail about the surroundings but you did do enough for me to create a picture in my own mind fed from your words, what I have seen both on and off the television and read in the past.


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Review of Union  Open in new Window.
Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Nice use of dialect with the dialogue it worked well to help identify the main characters.

A decent story in such a small word count.

I thought your first sentence was a particularly good start to your story some nice descriptive work in there.

You could develop it further and maybe tell the story of the soldier in the war, his experiences and his wife's during the time she was alone.

Good luck if you do develop it further.


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Review of Lucia's Wish  Open in new Window.
Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very good job. The tone sounded right for a fairy tale too.

Some nice descriptive phrases when describing the daughters hard work and changing appearance.

A little bit of a warning too I detected. 'We do not always get what we want.'

A very nice prequel to the original tale.

Job well done.


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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Good story although you did start to baffle me with the tech talk.

I like the flow of the story and the plot. A gamer in pursuit of the perfect gaming set up stumbles upon a grat discovery and whoosh his whole world is changed.

The sad thing is stories like this we are only too quick to believe because we think it might be something the government would do.

The dialogue you used worked it fir the scenes you were portraying well and kept the story flowing forward.

Good job.


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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
A very nice piece of work.

Your descriptive writing is very good. I had no trouble seeing in my minds eye what you were describing with your words.

A pleasant little story so full of hope. You managed to get quite a lot said in so small a word count.

Good job.


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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A good story, I noticed a few typo's towards the end of the piece that you may want to have a look at and put right.

You got a lot of feeling across with your words, I could feel despair as she sat on that floor.

Your descriptive phrases worked well and set the mood of the story in my mind.

Nice job, well done.


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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The age old story of a lot of rock and roll stars.

The piece flowed nicely, you took us through each part of Jimmy's life from his high flying beginning to his fall into obscurity and then his rise and ultimate death.

Fame seems to be a drug in itself, which you did touch on.

I think I picked up on one typo, 'hear and Enforcer song.'

Nice job, well done.


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Review by bellowsface Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Deep fealings here. I could not imagine how it would feel to be blind. To never see my children or watch a sunset. We take these things for granted.

I like the way you have written this, it feels like a matter of fact style. Not depressed or self pity but acceptance and a longing to experience one thing.

I thought your character was having a hard time then you hit us with the cancer. Nice touch from the stories point of view but i couldn't help feeling 'boy this guy needs a break.'

The light at the end was a nice touch, he got to see what he always longed to see.

Nice job, well done.


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