Inspiring summery of our savior.
Good coupling of sentences . Easy to read and predictable flow of rhymes. Syllable count is excellent. (NOTE):This poem could have been longer and still kept the readers attention due to the ease of the read.
I can offer no changes or suggestions to your work, it's good as is.
( Interjection) Can one really be forsaken by the same Deity who's wishes are being fulfilled at the very moment of the suggested abandonment?
"The wrath of God was on Him now,
forsaken by an ancient vow."
forsake - To abandon, to give up, to leave (permanently), to renounce
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/forsake
JUST FOOD FOR THOUGHT.
Personal: Thank you for sharing this meaningful poem with all of us.
Regards, Rusty
Very nice work. I have sent you a ribbon for this piece.
I'll let all the others on this site do the criticing .....I'm not into all that. I just know when a piece moves me,
Your did.
Thank you.
Your poem is very original. I personally enjoyed reading it several times. Love poems are my favorite but finding one thats good is rare, original ones even more so. Yours is both. My hats off to you for an excellent job.
Before offering any suggestions , I'd remind you that your work is of course (your work) and should be offered a you see fit. having said that, I did notice a few things..Without the changes I would still give it 5 stars.
"Cannot" is one word (line16)and (line20)
Thank you for sharing your work with us.
Warm regards, Rusty
I love it! It's plain to the point and says what we all know, but dont want to admit to ourselves.
Congradulations on being recognized by the newsletter as a skilled newcomer and welcome to WDC.
Keep writing the good suff. I'll try to visit your port soon to see your other work.
Yell at me if you need anything.
Good luck.
Rusty
Good work, I like the way you held the point untill the end . I use that technique in writing myself. It helps me to keep the attention of the reader. Keep up the great work and congradulations on your recognition as a skilled writer.
I do have one suggestion for you.. Use it only if you think will be helpful to you. Your write is broken down in five groups of four lines each, with the rhyming words falling at the end of the second and fourth lines.With the excection of the very first group. does not rhyme with .
Heres a link to a online rhyming dictionary. This link will show you all the words that rhyme with the word "play".
Hi Vivian. I wish you a season filled with love, that kind your poem speaks of. It a wonderful example of how we sometimes stray away from the truly meaningful things that we need to focus on.
You done a great job on the newsletter too!
Oh, and I love that decorated deer on your Sig.
Excellent writing. Did I mention This was excellent writing? Is that smoke I see over there?
Love verses are my absolute favorite.I could sit and read them all day.You should try a Shakspearian Sonnet
You have the flow and rhyming part down.
I believe you could do one. Write me if you'd like an example of one.
Yours is a jewel.
Rusty
I decided to review this piece for you as it is so well written!
Wonder why they didnt hightlight this one in the newbie newsletter.
Anyway.I hope you dont mind. I'll post this piece on the plug page - so it gets the exposure it deserves.
I'm giving it a 5 as I believe it is perfect as is.
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