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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bradjshaw
Review Requests: OFF
73 Public Reviews Given
79 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I mainly look for the 'flow' of the story. If I'm reading along, & it's 'flowing' just fine...I'm talking no 'bumps in the road', or something that's going to make me pause...then it is a very well written story. But if I hit a 'bump', trust me, you gonna know! I also hate 'mus' punctuation...no commas or periods...it misplaced commas & periods.
I'm good at...
Finding misspelled words....& Misplaced punctuation marks
Favorite Genres
Mysteries....but I will reveiw just about whatever you need, because I'm a reader at heart!
Public Reviews
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Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Not a review....just wanted to say you made me nostalgic reading this for my grandparents place in South Texas.... they are gone now, but the old ranch house is still there, & maintained by me & my siblings & our cousins, because both sets of parents ( my grandparents only had 2 kids) are all gone. but it is a place that is very similar to what you wrote about in this story. Made a lot of ghosts pay me a visit in memory.
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Review of Childhood  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very good. Written with a nostalgic look back on childhood.


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Review of The Night Walker  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This does not seem like a story, more less; it feels like a scene in the middle of a chapter of a story. It is well written, no grammatical or spelling errors. Either I am missing the conflict, or the conflict is..."Will he get his car fixed, or no?"
If that is it, well, we see how that ends. There is tension (that's good) as to whether this vigilante is about to whoop this guy, or no.


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Review of Working Novel  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Some pretty interesting information there. Grammar, spelling all ok (spelling us a pet peeve of mine).
Enough description written in that I could actually see the 'cat and mouse game being played out. That's good. Not a description overload, either...(I hate that) Otherwise a very good story on how Loss Prevention works.


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5
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Review of Forever is a Day  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm not good at reviewing poetry, but I did like the suobject matter (Jesus, & His sacrifice on the cross).
I guess all I can say is being a Christian myself, this poem hits close to home. I did not find any spelling or grammatical errors. Very good, Jay


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Review of I AM :)  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love your poem. I am a Christian too... and every thing you said here is absolute truth. I just wished I have half the zeal you do for our Lord & Saviour, Jesus Christ. Anyways, when I review, I look for 2 things. 1 is what I call bumps in the road. Bumps are things that make me back up & make sure I read is what I read, or if I missed something. You obviously had none, that's great. The #2 thing I look for is misspellings, because sometimes they cause bumps in the road. You had two...I will point them out:
1) I AM THE WAY WHO WILL GUILD YOU TO LIFE. "guild" should be "guide".
2)I AM NOT EVIL BUT I A FAIR AND JUST!!! The "A" should be "am".
Other than that, I simply love it! Great Job!

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Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ok...you don't know me, so I will tell you what I look for. I look for misspellings and what I call bumps in the road. Bumps in the road are sentences that throw me off, & make me have to go back to the beginning of the story, to see what I missed...you know, the "huh?" effect. You had none. You did have the one word misspelled...'thing' should have been 'think'. "You would think that since getting on a pod....". Other than that, this is superb writing. Had I not looked at your profile, I would have thought an experienced adult wrote this. The flow was great. No bumps in the road. Please continue this story, you have a really great story about AI taking over, & those who knew one day it would. You get 5 stars, & plus I'm throwing in 500 GPs, because being new, I know you don't have many. Keep writing!

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Review of Irish Folk Song  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Cute little poem. A good idea that no gender is revealed. A man OR woman could be saying these words to their lover, yearning for their lovers return to hold them & sing them a song. I also thought it was cute that you did this in green, a color generally associated with the nation of Ireland. Jolly good show.

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Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Lovely story, and a lesson taught here about losing the "magic" of Christmas when we get too "old" to believe. I remember I was about the same age as the girl, Cara, in your story when I found out the "truth"...and yes...just like your story, it was never the same after that...still ain't.
Anyways...back to reviewing. The flow of the story and the dialogue were wonderful. No...what I call "bumps" in the road...to distract me & make me start the story over so I would be able to understand what I'm reading. Very well done! 5 stars!


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10
10
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (1.0)
It was funny, & I was laughing along with it

...until you said ...."white KKK cells"...why'd you have to do that? I wish they had a "no stars" rating for this, because that is what I would give you...NO STARS...well, the one thing I can control is how many GPs I give out. I usually give a certain amount of GPs to everyone I review, but not this time...nope, sorry.
I will tell you why I am so down on those three letters... I come here to my little hole in the wall I have built for myself in WDC to ESCAPE reality. I come here, because I don't want to hear about the Russians, ISIS, Trump, Hillary...or NOTHING at all...I just come here to escape & write. It seems though, you are not the only one guilty of this...each day I open my community feed...someone has sneakily (is that a word?) slid something in about something political...or some social "injustice" ( fabricated to stir tension, I'm sure of it) into the feed. So...I'm sorry if I sound like I'm going off on you personally, trust me...it aint directly targeted to you specifically. Just... you could have left out the "KKK" letters in your comedy.

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Review of Be like Water  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is Tao teaching. Saying that, I'm not condemning, but applauding you. For if we all follow the sage's advice, this would be a more peaceful world. You pointed out the differences in water, and then the differences in man, and by doing so, pointed out the similarities in man and water. Some people will find this very enlightening, I hope. Good job!


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Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very good poem. I usually do not review poetry, because I feel so unqualified to do so, but the title caught my eye with the title, "When The Sea Breathes". A ton of members know how much I love anything water, so you want to catch my eye, just title your writings with anything water...LOL. Anyways, I question the NONusage of rhyming words in a poem (hey, ain't that what poetry is all about, finding words that rhyme, then put them together in coherent sentences?), but according to the rules (I guess?) of poetry these days, you can sling a few sentences together, rhyming be damned, and call it poetry. Now, don't take it that's what I'm saying you did...I'm just probably giving the main reason why I don't review poetry. Yours is good, though. Keep up the wonderful work. I will check you out again another day....keep on writing.


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Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A very good read, although, I must admit, not an original concept, but, it does have your own personal spin. So many "What if stories have came out since WW2..."What if the Germans won WW2?", "What if the Japanese won WW2?" "What if...", "What if..". The flow was good and natural, the story didn't hop all over the place...you found a plotline & hung to it...very good. The only thing I did see is you need to go back and correct the spelling of Lieutenant. you kept leaving the "E" out from in between the T and the N.
Since I am not a serious fan of these type stories...not because the "enemy" wins WW2 in these stories, but because I am not much of a sci-fi buff, I cannot just say yet as to whether or not I will be reading ch2 of your story...I may, just for reviewing purposes.
Very good luck on your endeavor, though...you show promise of a very good story here.


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Review of Cheating Husband  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
The story has good flow...readers love that...keeps us involved in the story. Now...actually other than the rest of the story...I got lost in this part. I will copy & paste to show you.....

[ The hole became a hole of flame. Elaine came running out of the forest toward the flame and started kicking dirt into it. Wendy just stood there in shock. “What are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing? I’m stopping you from destroying evidence in a murder.”
A few seconds later the flame disappeared. “I knew that showing myself to you a few times you would do something stupid.”

“You let me see you? Why did you do that?”

“I was getting tired of you not going to Scott. Sooner or later, I knew you would go to him. But I wanted it to be sooner. So, I made you do it by exposing myself.”

“What I didn’t expect is what you did when you got to you’re here. At first, I thought you were building a fire. Then I realized what you were doing.”

“You didn’t look for a spot to build your fire. No, you didn’t.” Elaine smiled. “You came to this exact spot.”

Elaine peeked into the hole. It was hard to see through the ashes and scarred tree branches, but Elaine could see Scott’s burnt slightly face underneath all that. “Nice try trying to get rid of the evidence. I do like how you tried to do it, though. Making it look like a campfire.” ]

I got lost in who was talking to who. I know a lot of people don't like "he said/she said" at the end of every communication...but in order for the reader to follow, you need to say at least one of these things... said, replied, questioned...whatever, so that the dialogue does not become lost upon the reader. And maybe just tweak your time lines just a bit also, so one can keep up. The way it is written, it seems as if everything happens in just a matter of like...two days...like a TV show would be. I know this is a short story, so you cant cut it into chapters...but heres a hint... what I do is add.... TWO WEEKS LATER... in between paragraphs...so the reader will know some time elapsed, although there are readers who will tell you that bugs them, that it cuts into the flow of the story. Well, anyways...nothing else. Please continue on this story, because I did find it very interesting & I would love to know what Elaine's next case will be...now that she has hit the big time.


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Review of Wind Talker  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very well told story. The flow was very good. There was no jumping "hither and you". You stayed on track. Pun not intended. I didn't see any misspellings, there were no commas or periods missing or out of place. The mechanics (although I must admit I'm no expert on mechanics) seemed fine. This is, all and all, a very well written story, and the moral at the end was a really good freebie. You set out to tell a moral using a dog sled story, & I feel you achieved that. Very good job, because you are making the reader want more....and I would love to know if the musher finished his race? A chapter 2 coming, hmm,?


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Review of They Say  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is very good, and also so very true. In the world we live in, with many doing much to 'make' every citizen be 'good' through means of 'political correctness', it seems the world gets worse each day. But there is Hope, for us Christians at least, that soon we will be amongst the Heavens with Him...God our Father, & God the Son who gave His life for us sinners. you did very well on this...I read it the whole way through. Here are some GPs to get you started. Oh, and ..Welcome Aboard WDC! I hope you enjoy your stay her, & I hope you continue growing as a writer. This is probably THE MAIN site to do that at. Happy Writing!


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Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, I'M not a fan of the "Walking Dead", but I can say the first part of the poem IS very spot on. We go through our lives everyday, seeing people, but not seeing anyone...hearing people, but not really listening. Is this what our lives have become? Keeping our heads down, hoping no one notices us? I'm afraid it is, & you did a very good job with this piece showing people (who will read this but not comprehend) what we have become in the internet "social" society.


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Review of Nicole  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very good poem. I could see a father & his daughter, playing, holding hands, laughing, throughout their years together...then the sadness, as it is time for the father to pass on.


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Review of Unheard Prophecy  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is very well written. That's about the best I can say for it, being that I am not a poet, so I have not studied the mechanics of poetry. All that I can tell you, is reading this brought me great joy & peace, cause you nailed it on the head..."A prophet is not heard in his hometown"... so true, so very true. Jesus WAS rejected at home, that's why he had a traveling ministry. Its the same reason preachers today travel. VERY FEW stay in their hometown once they answer the calling.


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Review of The Lone Survivor  Open in new Window.
Review by BradJShaw ⚓ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I found this....

“It’s Major not Sergeant.” He pointed to the stripes on his arm.

A major would have brass on his collar, ( an oak leaf cluster, to be exact) not stripes on his arm...unless you have created a universe in your story where so far up the 'officer chain' majors are now considered enlisted. All in all though, pretty good story. Are you going to make a chapter 2? Or are we just left with Kealy leaves Earth in a Martian spaceship?


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