Mr. White is a fitting and proper counterpoint. Keeping his agenda hidden makes the reader presuppose who or what he is. The seemingly sensible Julie, motives untold, leaves us with a foreboding feeling. All dialogue moves with precision.
One small, teeny teeny criticism. Easy on the adverbs -- lovingly/politely/delicately. Editors are prejudicial toward adverbs. Less is better. Adverbs tell not show.
All in all, brimming with excellence. Let's hear more from Julie and Mr. White!
A very enjoyable piece. For me, who has resisted this tsunami of vampire stories and shows, this is a refreshing change of pace. I have a novella partially completed about a visit from an archangel, but no vampires. I do know that a writer's imagination must be magnified when addressing this subject, as there is very little research available on angels. The dialog was excellent. It flowed like real conversation, no matter the era. Excellent job.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 12:16pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
