This piece reminds me of an old comedy country song. I could easily see any number of singers singing this on the stage of the Grand Ole Opery. Mainly it is a Jim Stafford type of song. I can picture it now. Jim straight faced strumming a guitar, but wearing a goofy overly large cowboy hat as he sings. He'd make it a number one hit for sure. I Liked it. But then I have a warped sense of humor. Good Job. Keep on writing! Jeff
Other than a few punctuation mistakes. You did a wonderful job Angus. I liked the idea behind the story and it kept me wanting to read on. Explore your talent. Keep on writing! Jeff
Nicely done Sara. You have talent. You captured the attitude and feelings of an sidewinder. Showing that no matter how beautiful snakes maybe to see. They are still wild and need to be watched out for no matter what. I wonder how you could expand this and make it longer. You have weaved a short story. Is it over with? Keep on writing! Jeff
I loved this story. Combining the Western and Science Fiction you did very well. I think you could write an entire series using this character. Keep on writing! Jeff
Well done James. No one ever said a Western had to be longer than this. A good story. Would you consider making it longer? Liked what I read. Keep up the good job. You have talent. Keep on writng? Jeff
I grew up watching and reading and loving WESTERNS! All the shows yoou talked about I watched then and still do today. Hardly miss them. Ever want to chat Westerns drop a howdy. Take care and have a great day. SADDLE UP! Jeff
Very, very good. It is a wonderful story. I enjoyed it immensely. keep up the good work. I want to see much more from you. As I am sure others here want as well. Keep on writing! Jeff
Great story . Can not wait to read onward. A family story concerning the Younger's. I have read a bit about them. Keep up the good job. You have talent. Keep on writng! Jeff
Good job Michele. Your story kept me interest throughout and with me, a lover a Westerns, that is hard to do. Explore your talent. Keep on writing! Jeff
How you started this first chapter, "Is this all there is to life" he thought. He'd never once wished harm toward a single soul, yet there he sat full of sour gloom in the waning daylight. Great writing. That should be how you start this story. Forget all about that wind stuff or add it later on in the story at some point.
In the second paragraph you have the sentence, When it snaps, it falls aiming to crush something. I think it does not need to be there at all. It takes away from the overall view of the parargraph.
You are a great writer and you have talent. Maybe more editing needs to be done to this piece? BUT! I do like what you wrote and I am looking forward to reading the entire story when you have it done. Please publish this! Keep on writng! Jeff
Athena, was one or both of your parents in the military? I get that feeling. Or perhaps you were? I am a vetern and your story brought tears to the eyes of this old jarhead. You have a gift for writing. Kepp it up! Jeff
Great story. Reminds of Dan Brown novels, which i really like. I want to read the intire story when you are finished with it. I hope you have plans for publishing. Keep on writing! jeff
Not a bad job here Nicole. It is a good story. The only problem I had with it and it is not a large one. Her death scene should have been at the beginning and then have her wake up in the coffin. Otherwise I liked it very much. You have talent.Keep on writing! Jeff
Where did this take place? City? State? Would have made it more realistic. The basics of the story is good and I understand it was written for Writers Cramp. Have you thought of expanding this story into something longer? Then you could explain how each member of the group found the others. I did like. In fact read it twice. Keep on writing! Jeff
Is there any truth to this story? You wrote as if from experience. Maybe not your own, but maybe someone close to you. You started out a little slow and it took me til I was a quarter of the way through to get into the story. Then it was enjoyable to read. How long have you been writing? If you can not grip your reader in the first or second paragraph. Publishers will toss it into the trash. I know from my own experience. Keep on writing! You have raw talent. Jeff
Nice. Would like to see more of this story line. How did the visitors get there? When? Are they all friendly? Otherwise you did a good job.Keep on writing? Jeff
Very nicely done. Growing up I had three friends who Spunky, Soupy and Stevie remind me of. The way you move from childhood to old age in the story and keep it flowing is well done. Keep on writing! Jeff
Loved every word of it. Then again I am into Dragons. Please, please continue this tale. It needs to be told. I want to read what happens next. Very good job. Keep on writing! Jeff
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