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Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 Author IconMail Icon! After reading "Of All Who Ventured" Open in new Window., I have these comments to offer, and comments to be taken as such to be used or discarded as one person's opinion:



*Coffee*First Impression/Thoughts:
the poet matches poem to picture prompt with pure perfection!

Title
title works well. it got my attentions and drew me into the poem's reading; it does it's work :)

*CoffeeBl*Creativity/Impact:
you take a rather normal haunted mansion photo prompt and give it a nice flair with the imply deaths of many before who've been "suckered" into entering. it's not "just a ghost story any more"

*CoffeeGr*Message/Theme:
it's clear; stay away from the house on the hill :0

*CoffeeB*Technique/Technical Notes:
you followed the kyrielle rules to a tee and I love how you made that little active link-like kyrielle button to keep the page clean until clicked on. I need to know how :)

the cut to 4 1/2 from 5 stars may not be a fair cut as your syllable counts are all of the 8's but I have strong preference for tetrameter which can be in some cases 7,8, or 9 syllables long, and iambs just give smoother reading in my opinion, and you do have some perfect tetrameter lines as in S1 L4.

meter aside...your use of the refrain is uncanny. too often the refrain sounds forced or "just stuck in there" each time you use it, it feels and flows naturally into the preceding syntax.

Grammar/Diction
diction is consistent with content and punctuation's all there and right on time :)


Imagry
dark and dark is always a good thing to writing :)

*CoffeeT*Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

nice work on a kyrielle. and my favorite line is another of your perfect 4 beat lines in S1 L2. that line sets the tone and temper :)
Monty
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Review of Walls  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi BScholl Author IconMail Icon! After reading "Walls" Open in new Window., I have these comments to offer, and comments to be taken as such to be used or discarded as one person's opinion:



*Coffee*First Impression/Thoughts:
the hardened heart :) how we extoll the virtues of it and yet how those same walls will crumble before the right horns around Jericho. and once more we set ourselves up for a good old fashioned crushing. Ah. love. . .

Title
the title is appropriate but sans the keywords might not tell enough to draw the reader into that first well writ line. perhaps "heartache's walls" or "built of pain" something less dependent on the keywords.

*CoffeeBl*Creativity/Impact:
you garnered a smile from me as I think how oft I've hardened and built walls around, yet today enjoy the best I've ever known in love and relationship. the brick shall crumble.

*CoffeeGr*Message/Theme:
interesting, the poet closes with such finality, for in love is hope, and in hope perchance is love. I'd say to the speaker in the poem, "look out, ye hardened of the heart for love again shall start"

*CoffeeB*Technique/Technical Notes:
in reading, I stumbled on only one. the first word "upon" might not convey walls. replacing with "around" might better image walls around a broken heart.

and love that you've worked a few double rhymes into the poem.

Grammar/Diction
great blend of old and new. and rather than sounding archaic the old fits well.

Imagry
the work sticks well to its central theme of protecting a fragile heart throughout

*CoffeeT*Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
nice work and a joy to review. only the shy title and opening word choice gave me to a 4.5. but I love the piece

Monty


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Review of Black Water  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon Author IconMail Icon! After reading "Black Water" Open in new Window., I have these comments to offer, and comments to be taken as such to be used or discarded as one person's opinion:



*Coffee*First Impression/Thoughts:
the name change had me fooled but the quality of sonnet left me not surprised when I got the user name to type :)

Title
like the title. it's enough to evoke the curiosity to read. and it fits

*CoffeeBl*Creativity/Impact:
in the personification of a river you get a nice take on it. promise of everlasting peace to the weary soul which goes unfulfilled

*CoffeeGr*Message/Theme:
the taking of one's own life is the unforgivable sin. that resonates in the closing couplet when, after the search, the soul's left eternally wanting

*CoffeeB*Technique/Technical Notes:
not even an anapest to pick on :)

Grammar/Diction
all fits well into the poet's intent and no errors noted


Poetic devices
a lot of consonant "s" sounds help make this piece both easy and pleasurable to read aloud

Imagry
love the dark imagery began with the title and carried throughout the work

*CoffeeT*Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
S3 would by far be my favorite part, the part of the empty promise :)

Monty


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Review of Inevitable  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi April Desiree-I'm back!! After reading {item: }, I have these comments to offer, and comments to be taken as such to be used or discarded as one person's opinion:



*Coffee*First Impression/Thoughts:

I love how you associate Thanatos with events we normally curse Mother Nature for


Title
title more than just works; it says it all


*CoffeeBl*Creativity/Impact:
your association skills are to be admired

*CoffeeGr*Message/Theme:
theme is King's "we all float down here" from "IT" we all die. love it


*CoffeeB*Technique/Technical Notes:
not being primarily a free verse poet, I can only go on instinct. I found no stanza that didn't fit overall theme. and they were grouped and separated well. my favorite of course is the final stanza. my only ? comes in final line of S1. since no other stanza drops hints of Thanatos perhaps you shouldn't give it away in S1


Grammar/Diction
straight forward diction works well and to the poet's intent


Form/Flow
stanza construction and arrangements work well


Imagry
all dark and storms and black roses. how I love. . .let me count the ways :)




Monty


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Review of Fear  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi {suser:maposner }! After reading {item: }, I have these comments to offer, and comments to be taken as such to be used or discarded as one person's opinion:

I am reading and reviewing as but one of the judges for the current round of "The Perfect Sonnet Contest" Open in new Window.

*Coffee*First Impression/Thoughts:

always a reading and reader's pleasure to read a well done sonnet, and this one's pure pleasure to read

Title
your title choice works as in sums up the sonnet's subject matter but, purely suggestive only, something akin to "Father's Fear" might better prepare the reader for the poet's distinct voice and POV

*CoffeeBl*Creativity/Impact:
it's creative :) and supports my age-old theory "poetry can be about anything." You've taken a father's love instead of the more typical romantic love for his offspring and created something genuine and beautiful.

*CoffeeGr*Message/Theme:
the speaker's voice is loud and clear, thus the poet's message rings out. A father's fear is born of love and lingers forever with him

*CoffeeB*Technique/Technical Notes:
you capture the spirit of the sonnet, and a reader could assume the sonnet is no stranger to this poet. even the one instance of substituting assonance in mine/ find for pure rhyme doesn't jump out unless one is looking for things to pick on, which are hard to find in this work.

Grammar/Diction
the poet's choice of diction is well suited to the subject matter

Form/Flow
it's a sonnet and one well-writ even that pesky volta is easy to find


Imagry
my favorite "moments like picture frame" comes across so clear and natural

*CoffeeT*Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
well-done! and again, you seem no stranger to the sonnet, or meter and rhyme. thank you for entering and allowing me to read / review your work



Monty


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for entry "Longing For Spring" Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 Author IconMail Icon! After reading {item: }, I have these comments to offer, and comments to be taken as such to be used or discarded as one person's opinion:

I am readiing and reviewing this work as but one of the April judges for "The Perfect Sonnet Contest" Open in new Window.

*Coffee*First Impression/Thoughts:

you have a sonnet and a nice one. refreshing to read when a poet grasps the concepts involved in writing formal sonnets.

Title

your title choice does the work of setting your tone and mood. As well, your title choice goes far in determining the speaker and voice. it works for you and the following poem.

*CoffeeBl*Creativity/Impact:

the poet does a wonderful job of taking the reader outdoors on the first of those spring-warm days of late march and early april.

*CoffeeGr*Message/Theme:

yes, spring is that long awaited return of a friend.

*CoffeeB*Technique/Technical Notes:

for the most part your meter sticks to iambs and pentameter and not all readers will read and scan the same line alike. but in reading aloud I stumbled a few places like S2 L2 "WATCH / the BUDS / break FREE / and STRETCH / for the LIGHT" if I were scanning it I'd say opens with headless iamb and ends with an anapest, but I so love the stretching for the light image that feels right with the longer anapestic foot at the end. and you've other lines that seems to begin with the headless iamb, which I love to use as well. and all of which are great metrical substitutions.

Grammar/Diction

your diction choices fit your message and them well. the language is neither elevated or dropped but correct and in tune with the poem

Form/Flow

you understand the place a poet must travel to find a sonnet in pen. your volta is subtle but there.

Poetic devices

love such devices as your alliteration in S3

Imagry

with words and phrases like birds taking flight and renewing song and buds stretching for light you create the springtime days we all look forward to and close with the perfect couplet. we hate winter :)

*CoffeeT*Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:

a well-done spring time sonnet for April's contest. and I stand grateful for chances to read and comment on your work.

Monty


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Review of A Small Death  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
as usual, my poetic friend, you write a top notch poem. love your allusions and how you work them in sans effort; they flow into rest of the poem like the mouth of a river into the sea.

you know your sonnet writing. this one meets all the criteria he put on his sonnets

my favorite lines "He croons to her to stay, to deeply drink
the lotus nectar of Elysium

another lovely write and a 5 star poem


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8
8
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
wow! there's both power and emotion's storm blowing in this piece. quite by chance I sailed into your port in search of new treasures to review. . .and found one. as there's lack of rhyme scheme to bind and no set syllabics to tie, the poet's clever use of line breaks carries the task of tying the lines and stanzas together. and how well it works! as in S1 L3-4 to separate thoughts but tied both in context and syntax to keep the reader's eye moving downward and keep the story flowing. you use the same technique of line breaks even better in the final three line stanza.

I love the opening line. it wears the many hats of settting tones, moods, id's the speaker as being reliable or un as a narrator, etc. . it just works. but my favorite still comes in that three line stanza as hope even in times of begging desperation the hope of salvation remains.

there's just no room for suggested improvments. I'm still feeling the power you create in S2 L1-2 and S4 L1-2.

write on!

Monty


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9
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Review of Questions  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
you had me from that opening line, I must admit. but your closing sentence says so much more than just "this is the end of the story"

you got everything from the realism of a child's inquistive nature and asking impossible to answer questions to the adult's frustration with his own limitations. there's something universal and something that's so much more than I can put into coherent thought and sentence at the moment contained in that last line that speaks volumes of man's basic nature

nice work. and write on!

Monty


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10
10
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
wow! not much tha's big enough to say it all except "wow" love the effects of the blacked out background. and how Jesus's face is hidden keeps with "no man knows what Jesus looked like" philosophy so there cannot be any supposed breach of the second commandment. His face is hidden.

It's the starkness of the relief that, I think, lends so much power to this image. you get my 5 stars

Monty
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Review of Charcoal Etchings  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
how well ye'd tell of a sad past and one who'd like to change it in the context of charcoal drawings.

my favorite part is S2 in its entirety. that's where I saw the most power to this wonderful piece.

and as much as we all wish it were so, tears cannot make timeless and the clear of tears cannot add color.

excellent write!


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12
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Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
wow! my hat is always off to you of whose talents can make a pen and pencil work in such a fashion. I can't.

but. in looking through your works, this one just does not go by sans comment. as much the image and talent of the artist as the accompanying text. together? they just work. not sure what else is big enough to describe.

this work should inspire poets and dreamers to write.

come tell me of the Baby Jesus
sleeping in some darkened space
and one day He shall lift his followers
to some greater gloried place

nice work and draw on!

Monty
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Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed this (as a refresher for me toying with notion of return to short fiction) but would be great read to any and all writing levels. I happed on this one via port raid with focus on art and art related. not surprised when this one popped up in my search.

besides just listing the four criteria, the author gives more than adequate examples, point leading to both my favorite part and my only "wish" to a short list.

the story (art) happens in a "place" with two possible methods given and only one example. this is my favorite part, the straight forward "this is what I mean" section; however, my wish list would as for a comparison / contrast one versus the other type of writing with short examples of both to let us see why one's better than the other. just a thought :)

nice work, and glad I happened onto it.

Monty


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14
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Review of Fatal Decision  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
how I love the villanelle, let me count the ways. those two refrains and two tight rhymes might trouble poets' days. but ere remains those die-hard bards who tackle stringent forms, and o'er the challenge they will rise into immortal arms.

now. to this particular villanelle. the poet took on a real challenge to blend this subject matter with the villanelle form. love it. I wasn't sure of what I suspected of poem's true message until S5 L1 which is my favorite line. but the lines with the most power seem to come in S2 L1 and S3 L1.

of the three criteria, you've met and moved beyond those to create something of moving depth and scope..

and one has to wonder which of those truly is the condemned man, as one might condemn himself when he pulls the trigger, choosing who lives and dies, playing God, one might think.

my only suggestion would be if you could make the speaker's setting and mission clearer earlier on, so that the reader doesn't wait so long for confirmation of the message. and it may be just that I missed something in the early stanzas.

Monty


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Review of Your baby  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm not surprised to find this in a sort of "best of" contest winners circle. nice work. and it never ceases to amaze me in, what you capture here, the things we can put our attachments to. some folk will never understand the human and pet bond all the while mourning the loss of favorite jeans or jacket. go figure

of course my favorite comes in S2 L3 "a poem carefully crafted through time"

my one regret is there's not a bit more. would have satiated my reader's thirst if there'd been even one more stanza telling of the fact of life that we grow old "things grow mold and nothing ever stays that's gold

well done. . .and write on!

Monty


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Review of Listen  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
love it. and how, even after immersing ourselves in the faith and His Word, easily we can fall into the doubt and questioning mode. Whether it's Satan himself or just our human natures that drive us to think, rethink, and sometimes doubt.

but as the poet closes with, all I have to do is look back over my life and realize God was with me all along, even when I cold shoulder'd Him, he protected me at the request of those who loved and prayed for me. Write on, my friend and good luck in the awards.

btw, I'm latching onto you as your newest fan :)

Monty


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Review of ODE TO A HELMET  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love it. you've got an intriging blend of thiings going on. with all the rhymes and rhythms of traditional limerick, you've mixed the darkness of death on the highway. images that likely have ran through all our minds with the speedo on the way to that 80 mph mark. you wonder "what if"

and I ride here in Arkansas sans helmut :) however, if I'm to run off the side of some mountain I've my doubts a helmut shall make much difference in the final outcome

I enjoyed the darkness in a traditional light verse form. a contrast you've pulled off well, my friend.

Monty


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Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
now that takes both donning a persona and personifying to a whole new level, and a good one.

nice write., the fact that you could personify the mountain then don that persona and make it work so well is nothing short of talent.

I really did think the mountain would take them down though for a while when I understood the speaker. I like the turn in S5 when the mountain begins to feel pity for the tiny humans and decides to let them slide. . .this time (no pun intended)

mechanically, I'm impressed by your tight rhymes throughout (the poet's no stranger to rhyme.) and for the poet's intent the long lines of what I think are 7 foot lines of iambs work well to help create the mood and flow.

my favorite line? S2 L3 and the use of term "nattily" for some reason, love it lol

great write! and all's I can say is "write on, friend!"

Monty


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19
Review of Unrequited  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
lol ye'd write a winner every time, and friend, ye've gained thereby, another fan of your great rhyme :)

unrequited's painful yes, but so's a life of love's duress lol

love the use of trochee beginning L8, word fading as the image poet conveys.

I've got to say, Ken, seldom I find anything to really pick on in your verse and this time's no exception.

write on, my friend!

Monty

I'd happened onto this contest after leaving my rendetion of cupid's ballad on the communtiy newsfeed as my bit of morning fluff to ponder, but I wish you best of luck in this one :)


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20
20
Review of Wonder  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love the idea of collecting little wonders as in those little amazing things we can find in a day and putting them into a wicker basket to scatter and share in the wind.

at first I wasn't sure if if was wonder as in ponder or wonder as in amazement. I decided it must be the latter of those two wonders. in a compact verse, you've created a many layered piece :)

my favoritea come in L1 the opening and L5 "scatter it to the wind" love those lines.

if I were to make any suggestions based on opinion, and I'm not a great judge of free verse, it'd be to "write one!"

Monty


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21
21
Review of Angels  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
love it, Ken. you ARE one of the most prolific writers I've read on a regular basis at WDC.

this piece follows almost word for pixel the image prompt, while telling the sad plight of way too many of our vets. we owe them more and better. the title mates expectations with content but, it's not the piece I expected with first step along thy path. your speaker is clear.

mechancially, it's sound. the long flowing lines, I scan mostly to iambic heptameter and that works well for the poet's intent. it gives a soothing smooth flow that matches sentiment.

the only nits, as they used to call them, I'd have are the few jarring breaks from the iambic flow that gave me to stumble.

I'd be surprised if you're not on top of this month as you, as always, are on top of your game, my friend :)

Monty


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22
22
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
love love love this dark piece!

the images are fantastic, choices of diction are great to compliment the dark mood and gothic intent. the poet's rhymes are all music in the ear of the purist. and the meter is dead on. . .except in that closing line.

ok, ok, I'm one to tout metrical substitutions, yeppers, but, you're so perfect all the way, that I stumbled on that final line. that article "the" giving you an extra unstressed syllable, thus an anapest, just gave me to stumble as I read this piece aloud

souls SWAL / lowed By / the emBRACE / of HELL one possible easy fix if you're ever so inclined might be

souls SWAL / lowed IN / emBRACE / of HELL

and bear in mind, tis but suggestion. I was enamored with the quality and darkness of this piece from the first line :)..


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23
23
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I love this refreshing take on the prompt. we're so used to one way of looking at something and at the outset of this poem I thought the poet were to reiterate similar about the world being tired, day's nigh end, etc. . .

instead, you turn it around wonderfully and guide me in an unanticipated direction. L9 I begin to see the turn and turn into something different with emotion and sentiment I fully did not expect but gave me to smile as comprehension dawned.

wonderful piece of work.

all your rhymes are 100% right on and follow the rules of the old school rhymes, which I believe in.

if I had one suggestion, it'd be to flesh this work out and make it iambic in meter. it's such a great piece. to add the lyrcal magic to your perfect rhymes might add that much more to the work.


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24
24
Review of A Heart's Dream  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
ah, freind, but what task of a good poem would to make a reader ponder? and the poet has done well the task. I've given first to read then along to the form's desc and to read again with the added info in mind. and further still the reader travels to do a study of the Lilibonelle form and then to read the poet's one one more time. makes a poet ponder the urge to try one.

with all that in mind, you deserve to be in first place in this round! what a challenge to write and keep the flow of so many repeating lines! and then to make it fit the image as a driver's glove would fit the hand is ne'er short of amazing.

my favorite stanza is the closing stanza for it brings hope into our lives and without hope we'd be but animals living on pure survival instincts, but my favorite line is the opening one; it does all the things a good opening is supposed to do. it sets tone, mood and theme, which the poet carries all of those throughout.

love the chosen rhyme scheme; it's easy to read and easy to follow but tough to lay out. something like ABab Bcbc aeae bebe and I'm not even sure tha's 100% right lol but I had to try. just laying it out was a challenge :)

overall, playing with four different refrains had to be challenge and you've done a wondeful job with it. I've looked for places to offer advice or tidbits for improvement and find none. my final thought: job well done and, friend, write on!





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25
25
Review of Jolene!  Open in new Window.
Review by bumfuzzled Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
a dark theme we see all too often in real life. the writer does a good job handling the theme as well in the "show don't tell" arena.

enough background and characterizations shown both in history and in actions and packed into the word count to make the characters seem real and their actions have motives.

my favorite comes not in any one thing but in the writer's handliing of Jolene's mindset. one might think she best hope there's no autopsy. but then who could blame her?

if I had any nits to pick, it'd be wondering what she does with the slob all day. he's disabled and I'm sure Jolene deals with him, but he only seems to belt the beer down at night. I'd be curious to know what he does all day and how he copes--so he says--with pain.

again. nice work :)

Monty


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