dark. very dark. despondent. its weird that we can become so attached to people that we get separation anxiety. the thing that sucks is that sometimes it takes forever to get used to a new dynamic and get over their absence. i had never heard of an abortion done after birth though good use of exaggeration.
what I learned from going to church is that yes, life is pain. but were soldiers in a holy war. and if we have to suffer for the cause we do it. most do so grudingly whereas jesus and some others did it willingly. christianity to me is more about repentance. i myself, though i be a repeated sinner and known hypocrite, believe that repentance is the key to salvation. jesus said to enter the kingdom of heaven you must all become children again. he didnt say dont you ever stray he didnt say dont ever sin what he said was dont sin again dont keep sinning and the first thing hs said when he began preaching was repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. and really, jesus is the only preacher i need.
the only thing i thought could have bettered the piece:
what your piece made me think about
people are often destructive... and just as often they are wholly restorative. I agree we have a need of peace and of those who will bring it. in order to mend however when it comes to human interaction anyway first we must learn to make allowances and to forgive otherwise the repentant will never have a chance to make amends and earn their redemption.
the only thing I see that might be better in the poem is if it had the word the between just and passive right before avoidance
thans for this piece, dizzle.
in the days of skype and unlimited texts it is impossible for the distance between two people to be geographical. I had a friend to whom I rarely spoke (it didn't start out this way) and realized that despite being contemporaries and inhabiting the same earth we were from different worlds. I think an emotion is born to either one or both of the parties that is unpleasant and that it grows and grows and grows until attempts at communication can not go over or around it.
this is what I thought of after reading your story
i once heard from someone whose views I really respect that there are three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth. what the mirror saw no one will ever know. we can not know the truth because we only know what we perceive and that is never the whole truth. we can never pretend to know if the accused is truly guilty or simply a victim of circumstance. he could plead an alford plea but even then he would be convicted.
i almost cried. i have thought not wanting to think about it but not being able to help it what it will be like when my grandmother passes and then my mother and ultimately me... hard things to think about.
great poem. i would add that it serves as a vehicle for redneck (pardon the term its so politically incorrect but I dont know what else they go by) a.t.v. enthusiasts.especially good was mentioning the tornado scenario. I am from Missouri and a tornado threat is all too familiar. keep writing!
being prideless is a virtue. i agree that by not being tied to the trivialities of this world a person's character can transcend time. but i believe it is possible to know who one is i.e., one's values and likes and dislikes and still achieve pridelessness. although i have not done so myself, i wholly believe it to be possible. the famous quotes "i think therefore i am" and "to be or not to be" come to mind although i used the second a little out of context. nevertheless, it's very interesting to contemplate leaving aside one's preconceived notion of who one is or isn't. to simply be. well done.
i dont quite understand...are the girls the speaker's inner demons? never the less I very much like the very end where they're with the speaker. memories perhaps? what I see here is experience and heart break and regression and strength... but I dont know what to make of the cute girls. and why are they wearing retro clothes? I like it... but it leaves me very much perplexed.
very well written. i could easily have read this in a text book. it reminds me a little of dulce et decorum est. although that poem takes the opposite view on the issue. i forget who it's by.
the poem is very patriotic. deserters to a cause or a culture or a geographical location are usually called traitors, expatriates, cowards. the prevailing belief is that it is always better to die for the cause as is what the father believes. good punctuation. good rhyme.
the angels weren't sent to the abyss. when they were thrown from the heavens they landed here.
"The great dragon was hurled down--that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him." Revelation 12:9
i agree with this piece, a true king is a servant of his people. and the only way to truly rid this world of its evils is for everyone to repent and reform. if everyone did that today, there would be no evil in the world tomorrow. economic systems may change, political parties may change and leaders may change but if the hearts of men do not change nothing will change. the new systems, both economic and political will eventually be corrupted. As soon as greed touches a smart individual he or she will exploit any and every weakness in either of those systems for personal gain. the problem is not that communism doesn't work. the problem is that it is a system which can be easily exploited. and so it has been.
so yes a culture of stewardship is a good idea but how does one make people adopt it especially if it hurts their bottom line? not to mention that this culture of stewardship... is exactly what the bible teaches. the bible has been around what- a few thousand years? then again, religion has also fallen to corruption and greed.
"so to speak and we gasped for our breath as we see" also here you switched tenses.
if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land
2 Chronicles 7:14
God himself says that he will "hear from heaven" if that's not proof that he listens to us i don't know what is. i spent a good seven minutes just thinking about how one sometimes feels unheard and demands loud and immediate responses.
my favorite part:
when god tells the speaker " so i dare you to ask me again"
such irony lol. we often laugh at the very things we shouldn't. i love future world scenarios in which something is fundamentally different from what we know to be normal. good read. good read.
often we find friends in unlikely places and situations...im glad the speaker got to experience that. I don't know if twas fits the style of the poem though. was it to fit the meter? I don't say it to be rude it just seems the poem sounds very modern and twas sounds more old timey.
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