First Impression: I just love the word choice and the personification of Pain. "She unfurled her frigid cloak."
Suggestions: This is totally up to you, but maybe some punctuation just to finish it off a little.
Strengths: I like the way you included the sense of touch. It really makes the poem come alive.
The sharpness, the tautness, and the frigidity really paint a picture with words.
Overall: You are very skilled at portraying this difficult emotion.
Continue to write and share your talent! Write on!
Sincerely,
Cack :)
First Impression:
I was immediately grabbed by the date at the beginning! Your language and tone and bright vividness in the pictures you paint are astounding. I was instantly charmed by this piece.
Strengths:
You have such a talent for emitting joy, peace, hurt and frustration through your word choice and imagery!
these words especially spoke to me:
" I’d been lying on my back, having just finished making a snow angel and was playing with the prism in the sunlight. Colors danced and I thought it was the most marvelous magic, not having a clue at the time about how prisms worked. Suddenly my brother shouted at me not to move, and I froze in place. I remember his telling me that I looked like a rainbow."
"There I rediscovered an old love as well as an old talent. The difference in both was that I was now somewhere where I could appreciate and make the most out of both opportunities."
Suggestions:
I seriously think it is perfect just like it is! Thanks for sharing your tremendous talent! What a beautiful piece of writing!!!
My first reaction:
Wonderfully fresh and funny! So cool to put the photo with it :) I have to admit The Three Billie Goats Gruff was a favorite of mine growing up and was told aloud to me many times by my great-grandfather. I think your version is stellar! The first quatrain is my favorite with him licking his lips and the Hollandaise sauce :)
Suggestions:
Honestly, I don't have any.
Overall:
Like all of your work, it is exceptional! Creative and original. The character comes alive. Thanks for sharing your gift. Cack:)
My first reaction:
amazing!! powerful word choices and beautiful figurative language! I especially liked how the lyrics were woven throughout the piece. Loved the crystal blue eyes! You were phenomenal with showing their love for one another.
Suggestions:
Really the only thing I noticed...and it is your piece and may not really be needed...is I didn't see a description of any of his physical characteristics. That may help the reader formulate a picture of him in their mind. But, like I said the piece is excellent like it is, so that is not really crucial.
Overall:
Outstanding original work! I cannot wait to read more! Keep writing! cack:)
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