\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/caithyra
Review Requests: OFF
4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Too many memories  Open in new Window.
Review by T.L. Dolan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is lovely! I tend to write in a similar style, so this was an easy read for me!

A few things:

Capitalize proper nouns (ex: Sharpie, Big Apple)

Watch out for confusing punctuation; ex: "The photo held three people, himself a woman and a man the two people he was closest to when he was growing up." First, this is a run-on. Second, it's treading on misinterpretation territory. Reminds me of humorous sentences like, "Let's eat grandpa" vs "Let's eat, grandpa". One of those makes you psychotic :) It's that naggy Oxford comma that some people dislike. I'm a fan, lol.

"he did not have much time for people plus there were other reasons they grew apart." -- this sentence doesn't seem to move the piece along, though I get where you're going with it. The intent of that paragraph isn't lost if it's not there, but perhaps a rework would make it fit better.

"she looked older and more women" -- she looked more womanly. Unless she somehow looks like multiple women as she's aged ;)

""Not do I," he said as he left." Did you mean nor?

Occasional punctuation is needed, especially with clauses and appositives. Some commas could be semi-colons.


Sorry if this was overly thorough; I used to be an English teacher :) I really enjoyed this one :) Happy writing!
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/caithyra