Hello dear, Just stopping by to give a friendly review. I place my review today to you as just my thoughts and opinions, please take only what YOU feel may help or benefit you in some way to this poem!!
I believe the poem is a wee bit repetitive in some places, but with a little attention, it can be lessened to its repetitiveness, tightened in some areas, and perhaps re-worded to help benefit the poems overall look and appearance. Your expressions are still there, but comparing it to how it sounds now and with maybe just a little extra attention and play on words, it can really stand out and shine. I understand the whole meaning behind it. It shows the greater search of a person who just wants to change the past, to look beyond it afterwards and live life a wee bit better then what was delt at the time. Your words are deep and they do show real heart and soul within the poem, they just seemed a little lacking in some places and so I've played myself with your poem and added a few things in to help bring what you say into some needed light. I'm not a horrible critic, I do not enjoy trashing a poem that I can see does have potential, it just needed a little TLC!!
Here is what I've come up with, but again, please take only what you feel would help benefit this poem in some way!!
Send me back in time,
for I've seen the future,
endured the past,
I crave to be sent back.
To change my history,
set some things right,
to fix many wrongs,
I can hardly wait to go.
Send me back in time,
to change the hearts,
reveal the love inside,
to expose all truths.
Allow me to change paths,
and to set things straight,
I can hardly wait to go,
back to my past!
Thanks for giving this opportunity to view this piece today and please, keep on writing, you have a great knack for poetry and I believe you can and will get stronger each day you write!!
Natasha |