This is the begining of a really sweet fairytale type story which i have enjoyed reading. I liked the description of the Faye and their different characters and the way the main character described her early life experiences with them. There are a few spelling mistakes here and there, but nothing major.
This has the makings of a really nice short story. A man goes back in his mind at the end of his life and visits an old flame he had been searching for, she being that last thing on his mind. he then dies and goes to be with her. The only thing you might want to have another look at is the past/ present tense way of writing, and chose one to go with.
This has the potential to be a really terrifying, scary book that i would read once it's finished. The parts of scripture regarding the nephlin, or children of the fallen angels also held my interest in the story, wondering what would happen next. The description of the dead bird was particularly disurbing!
This story has held my interest all the way through, although it has turned my stomach! This is a terrifying tale of a horrible, sick and twisted individual who lures women into sleeping with him so he can torture and butcher them in some kind of occult ritual. Very scary stuff!
I have really enjoyed reading your short story/ poem. It is a really lovely, sweet and very true story. I think more and more people are realsing that Christmas is about the story of Jesus' birth and sepnding time with our loved ones. Not just a comercialised version of it.
I have enjoyed reading this and feel that it is a very powerful piece. It reminds me of the gory crucifixition scene in the film 'The Blood of Christ' which is something I never want to see again, it was so harrowing. There are a few grammer and spelling mistakes, and a few places where the capitals are in the wrong place, but overall good.
I have really enjoyed reading your families traditional Christmas story. It is very sweet, cheery and full of Christmas spirit! and the message it brings forth is one of good will to everyone, and for everyone to be kind to each all year long. I liked the description of Santa's little red nose too
I have very much enjoyed reading your uplifting, happy and wonderfully festive poem. Christmas is my favourite time of the year by far. I love how you have captured in this poem both the celebrations and the true meaning of Christmas and brought the two together.
I absolutely loved this short story, really festive, exciting, warm and cute. I love Christmas, it's my favorite time of year. I liked the comedy, the tales of the first little girl putting a slug in another child's backpack made me smile. And the little girl at the end not getting excatly what she wanted, but still being happy, was a nice touch
A really nice, charmimg, witty and thoughful piece. I have enjoyed reading this and have been reminded of something we all know to be true, that we should all make the most of today and each other, because you never know whats around the corner. Also to stay focused on the positive.
Oh my God. This story is beautiful. It's the best thing I have read all year and I am sitting here now typing this review crying my eyes out. Such a lovely, emotional, sweet tale gives hope to us all that we all do have a particular purpose and place place in life. Love it
Wow, this is a really fantastic story and gave me actual goosebumps at the end ! I have also come to the conclusuion that little Paisley will become another Green Wictch ? It is really good, very enjoyable and has very believable and charming characters.
Excellent short story! I loved the way in which the main character spoke all the way through with a Southern accent, it really pulled me into the story and made it believable. Also the story could have gone one of two ways; either the boy was mentally ill and did kill all of those people, or he could have really been seing and speaking with a ghost. Excellent!
A really sweet and touching poem, I feel, about a young person revisiting the place where his Grandparent has once lived and died. And on doing so, during or after another family members funeral, they find it dank and abanded and full of half starving stray cats.
I dont quite undersetand this story, or poem ? Is the writer saying he or she doesn't like this being done, or is it a fantasy ? If he wasn't enjoying it he wouldn't be able to have sex would he ? Either way it I must say it made me chuckle to myself lol !
I have found the first chapter of your story enjoyable to read, and I think it does a good job of setting the scene for the rest of the book. The description of the main character comes off well, and so does the sense that they are moving on in a new area for a new start. The only thing I would say is that the start of the chapter could be tightened up a bit with less description of the house and more about the main character
This is a really beautiful poem that has made me feel emotional and sad about how many lives of loved ones have been lost whilst fighting for their country. We all in the free world owe so much to these people, who have given their all to fight and protect us.
I really love this song! The lyrics totally sum up the modern day spirit of Christmas and make me feel in a really festive mood. The song also conveys that inspite of the festivites and parties etc, we always find time to help each other over Christmas {e:smile]
This is a fantastic and very strange story. It really has shocked and disturbed me! I found the description of the main characters obsession with the woman he met online to be frightening, especially the way he attacked and kidnapped her. I think it's very bizarre that at the end she tells the main character she loves him? Maybe their relationship involved that type of fetish?
I really enjoyed this touching, sad and emotional poem. I think it's about a man who helps a homeless person and promises to come back and help him again. Then upon his return he discovers that the homeless man is in fact his long lost Father. Lovely. [e:smile]
I have really enjoyed this short story, and actually read it twice because of the sad, tragic ending!
I needed to re read the story to find out if the main character had been daydreaming the whole way through, or just about his past with his ex partner. I have come to the conclusion that he was only dreaming about her and did kill himself at the end?
I have written some short stories too, please read if you have the time.
I found this short story to be cute and entertaining and feel with a little work has the potential to be a lovely little piece.
The way in which the main character fails to act upon her unrequainted love for a fellow work mate, set in the scene of her monotonus lifestyle, creates a sad ending to the tale. (e:smile}
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chakralight
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 3:24pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
