the main character doesn't really sound 16. Maybe this was intentional in the way the character speaks but it breaks the illusion of this being a different character than Gabriel. Both the main character and Gabriel's speech is very similar.
I also understand this is a rough draft but where is the story going? what is your audience reading and why? the main char says "our meeting had left me changed, forever. My heart had been awakened and then lost. Lost to a man of the shadows of the night". Why? it doesn't seem like anything life changing really happened?
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