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326
326
Review of Memorabilia  
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: E | (4.0)
My style is to give constructive criticism and leave it up to you whether you want to take my suggestions or not.

Half-dazzlingly is a very clumsy expression. It stopped my reading. I had to go back three times before I got what you were trying to impart.

I like the premise of the story and the way it unfolded after that. Then i got to the last two paragraphs and had to stop and reread to try to understand what you meant.

I don't know what you mean by "Three years before back" or "en-cashed."

Maybe this is not understanding is just the difference between two countries, or maybe they are typos that can be easily corrected.

Keep honing your craft. You have a lot of good ideas.
327
327
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Fun read...and a part of me wanted an owl to swoop down and spoil the fun. I am a little twisted like that. I like this piece. thank you
328
328
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is the farthest thing from technical writing that i can find. I was seriously laughing out loud, I can see this so clearly. You have a gift.
329
329
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I "get" what you are trying to say, but it sounds like you are holding back. I am not a poet, but these sections are written in different tenses that drags me to you and then pushes me away. Is that what you wanted to do? I would have preferred to see you put your heart on the table and use first person the entire way. And i would have liked to something more intense than "He" when describing the love of your life. In the end, it's your piece and your choice.
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