I'm sorry but I really cracked up all over this! What caused you to pee in the first place? Don't get me wrong, it's a delightful story, but really really embarrassing! Maybe you can enter it in the most embarrassing moments contest here in WdC or something like that. I know they host that once in a while.
I hope you won't mind but here are some suggestions on how this cute story can be better constructed. I will bold the changes I will make.
This happened on an ordinary, beautiful day to my sister and me when we were in our early teens. I was thirteen and my big sister was three years older. We hurried home to use the bathroom, but to our dismay we find the front door locked.
We circled around the far side of our home to where our bedroom window was located, and happily noticed that our window was open a crack. My sister then proceeded to push me up and through the window.
Tragically, my pants get caught on a nail, the window came down on me and I'm stuck! The giggles start and "God forbid" we need to pee. My sister is holding me laughing and it just happened. I wet myself all over her, then she also wet herself because she just couldn't hold it in laughing. Meanwhile, I'm still stuck, so my sister starts pushing hard trying to squeeze me through; my pants rip from the nail and next thing you know I'm bare panties to the wind, pissy and stuck. There's people walking by staring at our misfortune.
Of course these are only my suggestions and it's still up to you to decide what works best.
First off I want to thank you for purchasing from the TUWG store, and from my aisle. This will be review #1 out of the 3 reviews promised.
Let me tell you that I loved this story. Well, it's not really a story, but it's a very cute moment in your life shared with your beloved family. I felt the love in every sentence and the way you described how close you all are was adorable. You are lucky to have such a family and you're right, being the only girl has its moments.
A few notes:
Up in your brief description it said: I adore being the only woman is a household of five. A small typo, 'is' should be 'in'.
It was an early night time in my small home of five and I was getting very giddy. I think you can omit the word 'an' for the sentence to be better constructed. It was early night time in my small home of five and I was getting very giddy.
The youngest was glued to the television, watching Dora the Explorer his favorite show. I think a comma is necessary after 'Dora the Explorer'. The youngest was glued to the television, watching Dora the Explorer, his favorite show.
My son Jordan comes flying toward's me I also think it would be better if you remove the apostrophe in the word 'towards'.
We kept laughing and were damp with sweat until my husband and sons called a truce A period is missing here.
I hope you found this review helpful but remember, these are only my suggestions and it's still up to you to decide what works.
I think that this story has a certain charm to it. Weird, but charming. I loved the humor you interjected in every line. Poor salesman, though! Hey, did you really do this to some poor guy in real life? Kidding.
There was only one typo I noticed, and it's on the last paragraph:
I'm bored again. I think I need a nap. I hear the phone ringing again. I wonder if it's that same insurance guy? lets see.
The letter L in 'let's see' should be capitalized. You must've missed it, cause other than that you write fabulously!
First off I want to thank you for buying on the "Invalid Item" , and from my aisle, nevertheless! It really means a lot to me and I so appreciate your willingness to help my sister's store.
Now, on to the poem for my Review #1. Well, uhm, uh... I LOVE IT! I especially liked the way you have clinched it with "My Baby is love, and that is all I could ever need." For me your poem expressed the complication of loving someone, and yet at the same time also its utter simplicity. I may sound totally crazy but that's how it is to me.
This is a really beautiful poem, thank you so much for sharing it with us. It has such a sweet and meaningful message and my heart was touched by it. Thank you.
A couple of notes though:
On the third line in the first stanza, the two words 'for friends' were repeated.
I know that many don't capitalize God in their poems sometimes, but it would be nice if you capitalize all the 'You' and 'Your' when pertaining to Him. I think it gives and expresses more power and meaning for this poem which is very much a prayer.
But of course those are only my suggestions and it's always up to you to decide what works
Again thank you for sharing and God bless.
All the best,
Christine
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Thank you for sharing such a sweet, loving poem with us. I loved it for you have managed to express such deep emotions with such simple words! I would however suggest to put commas in these parts:
For you see he is my soldier so brave and so true For you see he is my soldier, so brave and so true
He is my soldier so noble and proud He is my soldier, so noble and proud
He is my soldier so courageous and strong He is my soldier, so courageous and strong
He is my soldier so altruistic and bold He is my soldier, so altruistic and bold
Keep writing and God bless!
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First off I want to say good luck with the contest, this was a good write coming from you! The emotion in this piece was felt very deeply by me (the reader). Anger, hurt, frustration, jealousy, shame... these were all found in Harold and what I mostly found in Candace was indifference. Good job!
I would suggest reading over this piece one more time, though, to correct a couple of errors here and there. Nothing major, but I though I would help you with it.
“What does he have that I don’t have?” - It would read and sound better if you put it this way: "What does he have that I don't?" That way the word have wouldn't be too redundant.
She pauses for dramatic effect. - I would suggest placing the word 'a' after the word 'for'.
The place I proposed and gave my undying love for you at? Have you now shame? Wait” he stops, - This would read better if we edited it a bit Something like: The place where I proposed and gave my undying love for you? Have you no shame? Wait," he stops, - notice the typo you made with 'now' shame, and forgetting the comma after the word 'wait'.
I really loved the last stanza of this whole piece, it was filled with such raw emotion, namely anger. But that was a typical reaction for a betrayed man! Well done with this piece, keep writing and God bless!
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Thanks for sharing such a sweet poem with us. I can see how deeply it is you love your man, and such honest adoration was felt with every stanza. Your use of words were simple, yet effective- I think this is a really good write from you.
I would suggest, however, to have a steady flow of pattern when writing poems. I understand that this is a freeverse but there were certain lines in the piece that rhymed. I don't think you did that intentionally, but it did throw me off a little.
In the fourth stanza, I would also suggest breaking the second line apart. That way it would read as:
You hold my heart in your hands
All I ask you to do
Is be gentle with it
And not break it in two.
But of course that is only my humble opinion and it's really up to you to decide what works best.
Have a great day and God bless you! Write on!
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Thank you for sharing your poem with us. I really liked the simplicity of this poem. You stated your message through simple words and very few lines, still it was effective.
The first three stanzas were good - the rhyme (or syllable count) wasn't perfect, but when you read it it really comes off nice. The fourth and fifth stanza threw me off, though. The rhyming pattern changed dramatically and that was confusing.
Overall this was good effort and I encourage you to keep writing more powerful poems! God bless!
I was confused with what you really meant with this poem, or what was it you were trying to express. I understand you were talking about the transition that happens when we die, but after that I am lost.
I liked the first few lines, it seemed really dramatic and profound However as the poem ran on things seemed TOO profound, you used really heavy words that not everyone could relate to. For example: finagles of light lighting. I'm not sure what you meant with 'finagles of light'. Deception of light, maybe? But I know you were expressing your feelings, and that was your way, so if you decide to stick with that, that is truly understandable.
Typo: stiches should be stitches.
The brackets also confused me at some part. But of course this is your poetry and if that is your style I have no objection to it.
This poetry expresses great sentiment and values about loving ourselves and being who we really are. I admire your initiative for writing something so inspiring.
I was confused, however, with the way this poem had flowed. I wasn't sure if you were writing a rhyming one or a freeverse. Some lines rhymed but others were way off and there was no definite count to the piece.
I was also confused why you had to put the symbol asterisk in some lines?
On your description before beginning your poem, you also had this typo: intriqet should be intricate.
Actually, the whole line would sound better when put this way:
Me? How do I describe the intricate workings of the complex human machine
that makes up the matter which I occupy on this earth?
Another typo: you wrote 'deffinition' instead of definition.
The second line in the last stanza, I suggest editing it to: But the most important thing to always know is that way it wouldn't read too awkward.
Thanks for sharing this with us. I hope you had a great time writing it for I enjoyed reading it!
The simplicity of this piece is what I like best. You have managed to express such profound feelings with such simple words. The only thing that confused me was the third line from the last. In there you have stated that you will never ever leave his side, but you are missing him, so that means you did leave him. However I realize that you could also mean that you wouldn't leave his side in your heart, because that's what you have expressed in the last two lines.
Thanks for sharing this poem with us. What I liked about this piece was it's stark emotions and seemingly raw feelings. I just think it could've been better formed; the flow wasn't that smooth and that somehow makes it a hard read.
I've also seen several typos like thats should've been that's and show's should've been shows.
Thanks for sharing this poem with us. I really liked it because you have expressed such raw and honest feelings in such simple words. This is a very emotional piece, and it has moved me. My favorite lines are the first and the second— they have expressed a feel of desperation that is truly realistic. Keep writing and God bless
Thanks for sharing this story with us. It was an interesting read, for Wee Davy's character was very interesting as well. You described his personality in such a detailed way that one can't help but feel that he/she knows the character personally. I just think that you took more time in describing Wee Davy than actually telling the story.
I loved how you ended it, though. It seemed a little abrupt, but it ended happy, and I love happy endings
Thanks for sharing this with us. I was moved by this piece however short it was. It has this whole bittersweet feeling because it was their golden anniversary on the day he chose to say goodbye. I personally think that euthanasia is a case to case basis and I think that the way you expressed how hard but necessary it was would definitely touch other people as well. God bless you
First off I want to say thanks for sharing this with us. I think that your lyrics will touch and inspire many people. It's great that you wrote this for a cause and so I believe that many others will get encouraged to do even more kind-hearted deeds to others, especially to people who need them. God bless you always.
This poem gave me an instant hangover from the Holidays! I loved this piece. It was so descriptive and the tree your words painted in my mind is fantastic. I couldn't find anything I didn't like about it! Thanks for sharing and God bless!
For some reason I really liked this poem I'm not that big on rhyming but this one made me feel like when writing poems one should rhyme all the time anyway thanks for sharing this with us.
The message of this piece was really important, too- I couldn't agree more. May God bless you always and keep writing.
Thanks for sharing this with us. This was an amusing story and I liked the visual image that formed in my head when Tyler threw up all over the bully.
I suggest double spacing after paragraphs for a more presentable read. This sentence was kind of awkward, too.
Turning around slowly, Tyler could feel his palms get sweaty and the butterflies in his stomach turned evil as they started to pound themselves against his stomach making him nauseous.
You could try cutting it into two sentences for a better read.
Thanks for sharing this poem with us. I really thought that you've expressed a very important and realistic message in this piece. This was written powerfully and your words accurately expressed the main theme of your poem.
I was a little thrown back at the way you concluded it, though- I know that revenge comes along with hate but I didn't expect it to be the clincher.
Thanks for sharing this with us. I thought that this poem was really well-crafted. You've expressed deep emotions that probably can't be said or expressed verbally.
I also liked the last stanza- and couldn't help but agree with it. A lot of times we really have to go through pain to appreciate the real meaning of joy.
Thanks for sharing this with us. I have read and written a lot of haiku but I think that this is one of the nicest out there If you do have the time and interest check out my own stuff.
I would only suggest that you put a little more color to this piece- have the characters colored, bolded, centered, and such. It would make a much more pleasing appearance.
Hello, first off I would like to say thank you for sharing this thoughts and views with us.
I thought that you have done a great job in creating a folder that explained certain topics about your faith in such a clear way.
You were also right on- these are the FAQs on Islam.
I only suggest to make the welcoming line to this folder more attractive and cheery in some way or another. You know, centered, colored, in bold format, and such.
Thanks and God bless
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Maybe you can enter it in the most embarrassing moments contest here in WdC or something like that. I know they host that once in a while. 
Up in your brief description it said: I adore being the only woman is a household of five. A small typo, 'is' should be 'in'. 
It was an early night time in my small home of five and I was getting very giddy. I think you can omit the word 'an' for the sentence to be better constructed. It was early night time in my small home of five and I was getting very giddy.
The youngest was glued to the television, watching Dora the Explorer his favorite show. I think a comma is necessary after 'Dora the Explorer'. The youngest was glued to the television, watching Dora the Explorer, his favorite show.
My son Jordan comes flying toward's me I also think it would be better if you remove the apostrophe in the word 'towards'.
We kept laughing and were damp with sweat until my husband and sons called a truce
Kidding.