Well...your basic story line is intriguing, the created entity Charly taking on a life of its own. Benjamin's obsession with Laurie feels real. My problem was that the writing itself is stilted, almost clinical. There is almost no character development or environmental interplay, Some backstory might be good. Is this intended to remain a short story? There is a sense of not being sure whether this wants to be a short story or a novel, its direction (or lack thereof) is a bit confusing. Other than these few notes, as I said, the story line is intriguing...I would like to see it more fleshed out.
very nicely written, I love the way you conveyed her heartache, the anguish of her emptiness, the yearning...even more so, no mundane details in the way, so the story stands perfectly alone, complete unto itself, almost reminded me of a Twilight Zone episode...
The subject matter here is rich in depth, I would love to see it explored more fully. The realities of adoption in the 50's alone is a fascinating story, but understandd that I was three-quarters of the way through the story before I realzed the character was female!
I would love to see the characters more fully fleshed out
very well spoken...and what of regret, that long-burning haze given only from a lifetime's shattered dream? oops, sounds like a line from a nw poem...write on, dear, you do have a gift
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