MzSnowleopard, I have to say that I loved this piece of writing! Wow, So many of us all over the world go through bad relationships at one time or another, and then there are some that never do, for those I call the very blessed ones. This is a A typical bad relationship of a man to me, and from what I remember as well...but it has been for me so long ago...I am thankful that this place, with all of their encouragement to keep writing, and Write On! I have forgotten almost that whole experience. So I owe all of that to Writing. com.
Now, that my review for what it is, my opinion, and that is all, just my opinion, because I will tell you that I am not by any means a professional editor. I am only here to read your writings, simply because I love to read, as much as I love to write. In reading what you have written, if I may come across something that may look off, I will point it out to you so that you can reread yourself to see if you meant it to be that way, okay dear?
GRAMMAR ERRORS:
I saw no visible grammar errors of any kind in this piece...if there were any, please forgive this over site.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked your intro, it captured me right away and let the reader know of the character of who to relate to in this story, it is always good, ( I found out later) to give the reader someone to focus on and give them a name as not to leave it lagging from the start. I had to learn this the hard way, which I think is my weak part of my writing as far as a story. I find it difficult sometime to add names, this you are great at and it will grab the reader (me) right from the start of the top of the page. Well done! & Keep Writing!!!
CORRECTIONS:
The only correction I saw was...4th paragraph down, third line...this line to me was a tad too much indented into this line, maybe I am wrong, as I have said, I am not a good writer of Stories or short stories, but a poet instead. but to me it threw this story off a little, I was so engrossed in this story that I did not see this on my first reading of this story, I had to go back to reread this story to see if I could find anything that stuck out, and this and one other thing stuck out to me. I believe this line was meant to be a part of paragraph 4 but I could be wrong? If I was, then you needed to have skipped a space to start this new paragraph? Just my observation only okay? The next thing, and this is not an error...did you mean to double space each line here in this story? This part I was just curious about...I am like my cats, very curious, and how will I learn something that I do not know the answer to unless I ask the question to it right? Just a readers opinion here okay dear?
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
I honestly really loved this whole piece, those things that I pointed out were nothing, one little tweek and it's a perfect write. This was a gripping story that you told here, you had me on the edge of my seat from the word Bill, and kept me until the word fall! Very good piece.
FAVORITE PART:
" Pride cometh before the fall." I have always like this statement.
Well done piece I thoroughly enjoyed this story, reminds me of something in my past.
Write On!!!
" Just a review by someone who likes to read as well as write sometimes. Have a blessed week-end."
Cissy
[Reviewing also on behalf of many groups that I support and am a part of]
Founder/Member
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Member/Supporter of these Groups
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