Very nice story.
I'll start by some remarks and suggestions:
'Didn’t I remind you twice yesterday!' I think it is better to say, 'hadn't' instead of didn't.
'Without looking up she knew he was scowling, he was always scowled at her.' Here I see it is better to place a comma after 'looking up' and it is 'he always scowled at her' or 'he was always scowling at her' or even 'he has got used to scowl at her'.
'at any possible mistakes he found in her work', it is better to say 'at any possible mistakes he may find in her work'.
'If her master, the wizard Ah’Fez were to go to his study for something…' A comma should be placed after 'the wizard Ah'Fez'.
'When this happened she would forget about cleaning it, and would usually like today, receive a tongue lashing for it.' Here it must be 'happens' not happens, since you are speaking here and the sentence before about things that happen usually. Then there should be a comma after 'happens' and another one before ''like today'.
'Stepping closer to the desk she could now see the figure', a comma can be replaced after 'desk'.
“Would you show me?” it is better to say 'can (or could) you show me?' or 'Would you like to show me?'
“Perhaps if you went back home, found a new wizard to teach you.” Alia suggested. This sentence does not seem correct, you can say for example, “Perhaps if you go back home, you will (or can) find a new wizard to teach you.”
'I don’t have a home, or a family.' There is no need for the comma between 'a home' and 'or a family'.
'Everything I have, master Ah’Fez gives me.' Here you have to say:' Everything I have is what master Ah’Fez gives me.'
'Repeat after me. Ashes and dusts all…' I see it is better to replace the full stop between 'me' and 'Ashes' by a colon.
'thinking of the woman named Alia who she saw in' it's better to say 'whom' instead of 'who'.
'. Filling a bowl with stew' by mistake, of course', there is a full stop at the beginning of the paragraph.
'Being unable to access her own magic frustrated her, she needed Mouse.' To convey the meaning you need, I think punctuation must be ' Being unable to access, her own magic frustrated her; she needed Mouse.'
'Wizard’s don’t take apprentices for nothing.' It is 'wizards' as plural and not 'wizard's'.
'Though I must admit why your wizard took you if he so dislikes you is quiet beyond me.' This sentence is not right. It has to be 'Though, I must admit that why your wizard took you if he so dislikes you, is quiet beyond me (or my apprehension)'
'Is that what your doing with Master Ah’Fez…' It is 'you're' not 'your'.
'Two fresh bruises one on her cheek', a colon can be replaced after 'bruises'.
'He’s gone to town for a new tome, and will return soon.' There is no need for the comma between 'tome' and 'and will'.
'it was as if looking across a foggy lake, when all one could see is shadows.' Also here I don't see that there's a need for the comma between 'lake' and 'when'.
'But hiding was useless she knew, he always found her.' Here, using always, you have to use the verb 'found' in the present tense and punctuation must change to reveal what is meant 'But hiding was useless; she knew he always find her.'
'She wished she had helped Alia earlier, and hoped that her offer still held.' There is no need for the comma before 'and'
'You’re killing her, and I won’t allow that.' Also here, the comma before 'and' is not needed.
'For a moment the ball faintly glowed within the stranger’s…' You can put a comma after 'moment'.
'Angrily the wizard lashed out,' another comma can be placed after 'Angrily'.
'pile of blackened ash raising from a smoking robe.' It has to be 'rising'.
'I am?' It is more effective t say 'Am I?'
As a whole, it is a very good story. The narration through this fantasy story is well done.
So, the action throughout the plot rises gradually from the misbehaving of the wizard, to the girl finding the 'crystal ball' and then reaches its peak when Alia asks for the girl's help, the refusal of the girl, and then the approval of 'Mouse' and helping Alia, then the final resolution of taking the girl with them and that brought relief to the reader.
As to characterization, it was done suiting much the tone of the story. We sense a change in the voice of the characters through the dialogue of them, especially the hesitating speech of Mouse, the little frightened girl.
We feel sympathy with the girl and then with Alia in the crystal ball, anger towards the wizard, and so, the characters' appearance was just right; every character appears where he should be in a natural way through a natural dialogue contributing to the rise in action of the story.
This all was strong enough for the story, there is only one remark: when Mouse agreed to help Alia, I, as a reader expected more than just 'With a sad smile Alia instructed Mouse'. I could not see why she would have done that reaction. Instead, she would have been filled with joy for the unexpected help after she has nearly lost any hope for survival.
Elements of surprise, as the crystal ball, strengthen the story and add to the curiosity of the reader. The style is simple and nice and that which makes the story easy understood and much enjoyable.
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