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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cliojayne
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6 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Orbit  Open in new Window.
Review by Cleo Jane Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oooooh!!!! I like this a lot. It is such a cute little mini potential introduction.
My only points of suggestion would be:
The second paragraph is confusing- partially due to wording and partially due to lack of context. "Pock looked needfully." feels incomplete when I read it. What is "it" and who would receive it? Perhaps this needs either more explanation or just to not be there? Just a thought.

"...: no bigger than a peach pit." while important descriptive information it feels almost awkwardly tacked onto the end of this sentence. I have no suggestions on what you might do to change this, just that it kind of ruins your flow a bit.

Overall though, I am in love with where this could go! Hope there's more Pock and Winkins when I go look at your portfolio ;)
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Review of Discarded  Open in new Window.
Review by Cleo Jane Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Dang! At first I was very confused about where this was going but then it got intense in a good way! Part of me wanted the dress to have sympathy for the girl, but I think I liked how it ended better than if she had been forgiven.
Thanks for such an interesting view on what seems like an everyday kind of topic!
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