your story seems cool so far but i ould like it if you greatly improve your grammer, spelling, and fluency because even though i understood and liked chapter 2 i just didn't think the writing was right. also, i would like you to break up chapter 2 into slightly smaller chapters that lead into the victory because it was soooooooo long. also, on the made up cards, make the effects of the monsters and spells/traps actually sound like they were cards in the real world and use some real cards as well. in the duel, make it last atleast 4 ROUNDS longer. with the darker version of that monster you used in te effect of that synchro monster have probably 3000 ATK and 600 DEF. i would also appreciate that you woud make the card effects more suttle to make the duel seem more real. and the last 2 things are that i would like you to make the arch type something close to firey but not be that because it dosnt sound very dramatic so i sugest using something that was a DRAMATIC AND CORRECTLY USED mix up of deep blaze, flamevell, and firey. the other thing is, when you wake up, dont base it off of when yuesai wakes up in leo and luna's appartment with amnesia, and to make the location wake up be an option.
this is a really good story but i have a few questions/problems/suggestions about the story
1.i dont like that the device has to be on the wall for it to work and for the reality to stay the way it was changed if your in the building. why is that? can you make the portable option where you can use it without being attached to anything and have it last no matter what unless you change it back.
2.in animation, can you also add an anime option because when i try to vizualize a story i can only see it in anime and im sure many others do to
3.in the options can you add or change options to accomidate more or any fetishes (for inspiration, try reading some fetish stories)
4.i read a large majority of the story but can you also make the options half way like in "gender" if a guy is to be a girl in that reality, they can either have a mini vagina on there penis, they only have no balls or penises, they can have both a vagina and a penis (with or without balls) they have half a vagina or half a penis (either front, either side. or back), either of them in a different body part.
5.can you add a swap option
6.in the first chapter, can you add a gender or character selection option then in either "amanda" or "girl" selection, then you can resume the story past that and in the guy options you can copy the original first chapter to that selection's begining.
7. if you dont read all of the first options of "fetish planet" for inspiration if you will or did then can you add a slob option and the ways it works and also how extreme it is
i love the way your luna chapter works, but can you also add it with akiza plus to make both branch offs include a magic option because i have no idea what to write for them
i LOVE your story, every chapter of the alex option made me visualise myself in that situation which cept my erection going for as long as i was reading plus an extra hour.i know your bussy but can you squeeze in a little bit more time to add to all of the unfinished parts of that option from alex because i know i rated a 5 but it was actually a20 on that form of rating, while i am only a 2 on that form when it comes to stuff like this.
i think that your story was great on the rouge part with her lying but by about chapter 42, it started to get boring until we hear that flash starts to gain weight although i was hopping for there to be more WG on rouge's part every 1 or 3 chapters but with her having mixed feelings about it at the same time.
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