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21 Public Reviews Given
143 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by CopyPaper Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very funny. My love has pooted. But I found a potato that I can speak to.

The original lyrics are finally released...
This is the reality behind the song At Last...
Go ahead, sing the original version...

At Last
My love has pooted
My lonely days are putrid
And life is like a pump repair's

Ooh At last
The skies above are purple
Well my heart was wrapped up in pumpkin
The night I looked at Peter Pan

I found a potato
That I could speak to
A potato that I could call my own
I found a thrill
To press my pelvis to
A thrill that I have never known

You pick
You pick
Oh and then the spell was poor
And here we are in Penney's
For you are pretty at last

I found a potato
That I could speak to
A potato that I could call my own
I found a thrill
To press my pelvis to
A thrill that I have never known

You pick
You pick
Oh and then the spell was poor
And here we are in Penney's
For you are pretty at last

Ooo yea
You are pretty
You are pretty
At last
At last
At last
At last
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Review by CopyPaper Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I especially loved the scientific name. Here it is:

Paleontologists in Uruguay say they have discovered a new and unknown dinosaur species after examining fossils dug up in Umberton. They describe the creature as a fearsome predator about the size of a modern-day unicorn with umpteenth ugly claws on each of its upper teeth.
The fossils date back nearly uno years to the middle of the Upper time period.
Umberton Museum paleontologist Uma Thurman said that the carnivore, which scientists have named Biguvulaicus unctuousus, was bigger and utmost than the velociululater made famous in the "Jurassic Park" movies.
"He was the ungulate of his time, swift, agile and useless. He could unintentionally run down most prey over open ground," he told reporters.
The scientists who umpired the fossils have nicknamed the new dinosaur “Umberto” after Professor Umberto Uhhmellmahey, the leader of their expedition. Professor Uhhmellmahey could not be reached for comment.
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Review of My New Place  Open in new Window.
Review by CopyPaper Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A couple of places to improve - it’s not to bad - you should change it to TOO, as in too bad. Also at And your never allowed to refuse it - please change YOUR to YOU'RE for me? I LOVED the name of the cafe. Here's my version below. Oh, I used all words starting with the letter G, to have a bit of fun. Makes it easier to see where my words are too.

Dear G-Money,
How are you?
Did you hear that I found an apartment to stay at in Georgetown? I moved in about a week ago. My apartment is pretty small- it’s a studio, but I like it. Plus the rent is cheap. Probably partly because it’s not that pretty- It’s ok though, it’s not to bad. One wall is painted gray and the rest are gold. Also, the door looks a little messy. It has like 10 locks on it, but most of them are broken. They must have kept breaking so the person kept putting more on. So far, I haven’t really gotten my apartment decorated yet or set up nice. I only have two pieces of furniture. I need to go shopping. I have one gangplank and a half of a glowing grand piano. Even though it’s only half there, I still use it, it’s better than sitting on the cold cement floor. The outside of my room is decent though. I live on the second floor. The hallway by my room has a wood floor. And the stairway has green grateful carpet on it. My neighbor Gwilligan doesn’t like to walk on the carpet so he uses the railing to slide down. But when he wants to go up, it takes him longer. In the mornings I help him carry his box of greasy greens down the stairs. Everyday he brings them to work. There is a nice lady Gruntina that lives across the hall from me. She comes out in the mornings and says hi to us. She’s a talker. Every morning she talks about how cute my glad giraffe is. I don’t have a giraffe. The first three days I explained to her that I don’t have one. She’d smile and say, "Don’t be silly." Now it’s kind of a fun pretending game. But I do feel kinda bad for her. At least it brings her some joy thinking about "my pet". Speaking of animals, I have this cute neighbor cat named Gimpy. That’s what his tag says. I don’t really know who his guardian is. Because of Gimpy, I have to keep my windows and door closed all the time. Because one day I had noticed that his other tag says, “I collect gallons and goobers.”

Hey, if you ever come visit, I should take you to the cool café down the street. I like it a lot. It’s called The Gay Gun Café. With every meal, you get a free Gay Gun. And your never allowed to refuse it. So they just have a special recycle box for them next to the trash can. Also, I noticed people are allowed to bring their pet gazelles in there. I read the sign on the door. Something else that’s cool about the café is,- if your name is Gugly, you get 50% off every meal. I read that on the door too. I wonder if they do that because they feel bad for the people, because they’ve had a hard life having that name.

One day when I was walking back from the café, and I was just about to walk around the corner of my apartment building, a guy all the sudden comes grinning around the corner and bumped into me and startled me! It had caused me to drop my last quarter! I didn’t have any pockets that day to put it in. I didn’t see where it had fallen, so I started looking around in the big bush that is there. I could hardly believe what I had found! I had found Gimpy’s collection of gallons! I was on my knees looking up to the sky thanking God. I could give Christmas presents this year. It’s coming up very soon. Please don’t tell mom what she’s getting. And, oops, now your present won’t be a surprise anymore. I’m so sorry. I spoiled it. Oh, and something else good happened that day,- I found my quarter! So I was able to go to the gumball machine and buy a piece of gum to repair one of the gallons with.
Well, I gotta go now. I have to go get ready for an interview. I want to get a position for being a garbageman. I’m kind of desperate for a job. I need to remember to be fake this time for the interview.
Take care,
Bye!

Love,
Your best gregarious friend
(No one is more gregarious than me!)
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Review by CopyPaper Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Interesting concept, but not really a madlib, to be brutally honest. You'll have to FIX the BLANK 4 thing though.

#1 Xena king
#2 milk blank 4]
#3 spiked soft
#4 ocelot drink
#5 Smith Pikachu
#6 tan wind
#7 shoe rugby
#8 kiwi shoelaces
#9 South African doofuses
#10 gun startle
#11 green merrimack
#12 elephant liver
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Review by CopyPaper Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (1.0)
Well that was disappointing. I guess you didn't read the guidelines to creating the madlib.

"NEVER EVER PLAGIARIZE. You will die and go to [Word Blank 1] if you ever do that. It's okay if you [Word Blank 2] someone on the street but never ever plagiarize." - My [Word Blank 3] Teacher. I am a [Word Blank 4] author who can at times get desperate to be published, since I am inexperienced and [Word Blank 5], I put my [Word Blank 6] page novel, that I worked on for [Word Blank 7] years on the [Word Blank 8]. When a more experienced [Word Blank 9] found out I did that, he nearly [Word Blank 10] me. He said unless I copyright my work, it is vulnerable to [Word Blank 11] people who just steal other people's [Word Blank 12] and claim it as their own. How would you feel if someone [Word Blank 13] your work? That is why you never ever [Word Blank 14].
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Review of Life Swap  Open in new Window.
Review by CopyPaper Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
...little peace and quite. - please fix the last word to QUIET? The very first prompt asks for a 'friend's name' but doesn't specify gender. It's obvious now, that you should mention that at the beginning - 'female friend's name', or else it doesn't quite work.
You didn’t understand what was happening at the time so you just stare at her strangely. - This sentence starts out in the past, goes into the future and ends in the present tense. One possible wording could be: "You didn't understand what happened at the time, so you just stared at her strangely."
Yet another example of a sentence that reads in two different tenses: “Right now, you are what you would have been as if you are a tailor. Suggestion: "Right now, you are what I was - a tailor."
Here it is in its entirety. Enjoy:

It was a day like any other and you were having a bunch of friends and family over at your house for a small gathering. It had been a while since so many people you knew were gathered together in such a large quantity. Eventually, tired from the events of the party you decide to retreat into your room for a little peace and quite.
“How are you today?” said a familiar voice. Turning around you see Gruntino standing their smiling at you. You politely return their greeting and you both start talking about what each other has been up to since you last saw them. Eventually the conversation changes in tone and Gruntino starts complaining about how hard life as a tailor is on her. Unwisely you make a remark saying that they are just complaining for no reason and that they have it easy.
“Oh, so that’s how it is!” Gruntino retorted rather angrily, “Well I would definitely enjoy being a urinal-cake replacer! And you wouldn’t be so smug about this if you were a tailor instead!”
Still full of confidence you replied, “If I was, I’m sure life would be a breeze!”
Gruntino’s facial expression changes, “Hmmm, okay then if that’s how it is maybe what you wish for will really come true.” She pulled out a book and started mumbling strange words in another language. You didn’t understand what was happening at the time so you just stare at her strangely.

A strange feeling washes over you, as your surroundings seem to get unclear. You weren’t sure but your body felt really off at that moment in time and you could almost swear you were suddenly getting shorter. Your vision began to become a lot clearer and at first nothing seems to have changed. Looking over where Gruntino was you are shocked to find that she had been replaced with a man roughly the same age as you.
“Hmmmm, I could get use to this, I’m liking being a urinal-cake replacer already!” the strange man said as he smirked. Noticing your look of confusion the man speaks again, “Don’t you get it? I AM Gruntino! Now I can live up your life as a urinal-cake replacer and now YOU get to be the tailor!” it was at this point what was happening became clear to you.

Looking down quickly at yourself, you find you are now wearing a bikini, exactly what Gruntino was wearing only moments ago. You sigh as a few pats on your body confirm what you had feared, that clad under these new clothes was the female body with breasts and all. Your body was similar in build to Gruntino’s, voluptuous and obviously shorter than your original body. As well as that your breasts were pointy. Your legs were leathery and your hands gnarled. Your now long hair tickled the front of your face, making you subconsciously flick it back in a rather super-silly manner. With a look of shock on your face you don’t know what to think. You didn’t know how it was possible but you had somehow turned into a a lacerated liver cup tailor.

“W-what did you do to me?” you said, quickly throwing your gnarled hands up to your throat, surprised at the silky voice that came from it.

“Well, you were saying about how much easier a tailor’s life if, I thought you might experience trading your life for it.” Gruntino explained “Right now, you are what you would have been as if you are a tailor. I changed reality with that spell and I really like how it all turned out. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be trading our lives back any time soon.”

The next day I woke up to find nothing had changed, “I guess I’ll just have to go with it.” You said. You get out of bed and prepare to go to a house like any normal tailor would. As you get to school you meet up with a bunch of girls who you presume to be your friends and decide to try and blend in. Their talking doesn’t really interest you until you are suddenly directly referred to.

“Hey Pat! What do you think of that guy over there? Isn’t he hot?” said one of your new friends. You sighed at this question and looked over at the guy in question. As you look at him your face flushes red and you suddenly realize something. Your mind had been altered by the spell in more ways than you had previously thought. Resigned to you fate you simply reply, “Yeah, he’s kinda cute I guess…”
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Review by CopyPaper Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
A little odd to see commas at the end of sentences instead of periods (or full-stops, if you're from Britain). At least, the first few sentences seemed to end with commas.

His wife Alison was complaining about not having her cheese grater, Mark was getting increasingly annoyed at his wife and eventually turned away from the window and looked at her,

I strongly suggest you click on Writing.com tools and then WritingML help. I did the same thing when I first started here. That is, I used ALL CAPS to make a point. You could use italics or bold or a combination to make your point about the Ultimate Cheese Grater so that it doesn't look like you're yelling.

I'm not sure where you meant to go with this sentence, but it isn't that wonderful a read: "After a couple of seconds they both appeared at the foot of a mountain of which a castle made from blue cheese stood proud at the top of it."
Suggesting: After a couple of seconds, they both appeared at the foot of a mountain; a castle made from bleu cheese stood proudly at the top of it.

You're missing a word here in "one of dragons", I'm guessing it's "the": produced an immense wind that was so powerful one of dragons flew away.


And again, here, you're missing the word "to": “I told you not move!” Kaas yelled


"A ringing noise came from Marks pocket;" and again at: "Marks shoe fell off "- needs to include an apostrophe for "Mark's"


"Kaas grabbed onto mark" - capitalize Mark's name.


Apart from these little items, it was an interesting read. Congrats on winning what you did.




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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Review of Faded Hearts  Open in new Window.
Review by CopyPaper Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a delightful read. One thing that made me curious was Erik's age. It wasn't mentioned and it was difficult to determine. Also curious as to why the boy didn't have some type of hand-held game that every boy seems to have these days. This reader assumes that his mother was uncomfortable around her father due to mom recently passing away.

Don't change a thing. Hopefully, Frank and Maggie will find something in common, more than just their former association with Alice.

Based on the picture-prompt, you did very well capturing the essence of the two umbrellas.

Kudos for: “Still not off chapter six, Alice?” The wind, almost on cue, rustled the pages while scooting the book a fraction.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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Review by CopyPaper Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Granted, it's just a beginning. You've probably only written down some ideas here, but to be honest...it is a difficult read. Too many of your sentences ramble on, where they'd be better served split up into several sentences, or at least, would benefit from the use of commas or semi-colons.
If you're going to describe her sleep tousled blonde hair, I would suggest a hyphen as in "sleep-tousled". The same goes for his "already-packed" bag. Wouldn't you want to EXCLAIM that "Today was her wedding day!" ?
As her gaze travelling down, makes no sense to this reader. Perhaps if you changed it from "travelling" to "traveled" ? Along that same sentence, after "her now limp hand", either insert a semi-colon ( ; ) or a comma, and get rid of the second use of the word "as". How about like this? As her gaze traveled down, the note dropped from her now-limp hand; and a single tear slid down her cheek.

It's a sad story; I sincerely hope she finds love. I would assume the characters would eventually be named? A story is easier to follow with names, so that the reader doesn't confuse pronouns later on in the story.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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Review of Around the Bend  Open in new Window.
Review by CopyPaper Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
"really dark night" (repeated in the same sentence...on purpose?)
"I was about give up and head back home when......" (how about inserting the word to between "about" and "give"? Also - a bit of an elongated ellipsis there, don't you think? Usually, 3 dots are all that's required to make someone pause.
"I got slapped hard across the face by the gars cold slimy wet tail," If the cold slimy wet tail belongs to the gar, then you should insert an apostrophe, i.e. gar's
Furthermore, although you are writing a rambling narrative, that entire sentence rambles a bit longer than necessary. I'd suggest, after the closed-parenthesis, that you place a period and start the next sentence with: "All of that happening..."
Another repetition in the next paragraph: "rechargeable" doesn't need to be in there twice, okay?
After "...head for lighted areas", should be another period, ending that sentence; or at least, a semi-colon as I just wrote here.
"I did a Ray Charles out of the river an up the bank" - you've misspelled the word "and" here.

I'm giving you a 2.5 rating. I've taken a half point off for each of the errors I've pointed out above: two unnecessary repetitions, one completely-missing word, one missing apostrophe and one misspelled word.




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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Review of Stitches  Open in new Window.
Review by CopyPaper Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I, PurpleHaze do hereby swear that the following review is provided in good faith and is entirely my personal opinion. I endeavor to be rational, encouraging, pertinent and impartial at all times. My opinions are meant only for constructive advice and in no way, are they meant to be discouraging or overly critical.

I am reviewing your entry Stitches for the UR Shorts Have Legs contest, round Five.

The title:

I like the title. I especially like the way you use the colored stitching after the title itself and in-between each section or chapter.


Brief description:

A white t-shirt changes hands throughout several characters.

The characters:

I could really identify with Leah Gregory and the hardships she's endured through her young life. I like the colloquialisms she uses, including "me and Ray"; perfectly capturing the way kids talk. Bob Witherspoon and his wife Roz seem like a couple of easy-going folks, who've suffered through their own hardships, but also enjoyed some wonderful times together. As for Genevieve Kennedy, her description is quite clear, although unclear are better descriptions of her father and mother. I loved the names Caren and Espen though.


Kudos and Applause:

I especially loved the passage Delicate blue trumpets of embroidered morning glories entwined their way up the sides of a weathered playhouse. The playhouse was stitched in varying shades of brown with flecks of black and moss green. The surrounding grounds were created with meticulous two millimeter needling, layered in alternating brick-like patterns. She turned over the pillow and found some tiny words sewn with thin, light pink thread almost hidden in the folds by the ruffled fringe. This captured the essence of the stitching, which is, after all, what the story is about. I also enjoyed how the t-shirt itself remained a t-shirt, despite it looking like different things each time someone owned it.

I was mostly disappointed that Raymond didn't have the guts to tell Leah that his family wasn't long for the neighborhood. Granted, he could've been a shy kid, but instead of saying that they'd continue digging the hole the following day, he might have mentioned it somewhere in there. Not a technical point, but merely an observation on my part.

Technical, Grammar and Spelling:

In the U.S. the word "grey" has been changed to "gray", but that's only a colloquialism and not a critique.

However, when describing the grey haired man in the opening paragraph, I believe you would be better served if you inserted a hyphen, making it "grey-haired man".

Also a place for a much-needed hyphen is where you describe how "Twice a week, they'd make the two hour drive..." - My spellchecker insisted the word "drive" should have been "drives", but if you merely amended the previous words to "two-hour" the spellchecker thought "drive" was fine in the singular form.

Also near the beginning, the following sentence should be amended one of two ways. The sentence as it currently reads is: Not rail thin nor heavy, she didn't fit into the social cabinet in which most kids her age were filed.
Either change the first word "Not" to "Neither" or change the word "nor" to "or".

Where Leah is saying goodnight to her friend Ray, there's an additional apostrophe after the first set of quotes and before the G'night.

Naugahyde is the correct spelling - not Naugahide.

In terms of Roz's forgetfulness: At first it was her car keys, then it was the names of pets, friends and family. I would suggest removing the comma after "keys" and replacing it with the word "and".

Dearborn, Michigan should have another comma inserted after "Michigan".

Lastly, two quotes by two different people should have been separated into 2 sentences, rather than being run-on sentences.
“I know you were doing more, just look at the dirt stains on your knees, you’re so loose, you HAVE no morals!”
I would suggest that after "knees" the sentence ends and you start a new sentence with "You're so loose..."

Caren’s father was nearest to the aisle so he volunteered, “You guys stay here and dry her off, I’ll go fetch the gown!”
I would suggest that after "dry her off" the sentence ends and you start a new sentence with "I'll go fetch..."


{c:light blue}Closing remarks:

I especially loved the endearment of "Shorty" used both near the beginning and at the end. I can feel Leah's pain quite exquisitely, as well as Roz's. The story was very endearing and an all-around pleasant read.

Rating parameters

Storyline: 5 / 5

Technical points (Language, Grammar, Flow, Spellings): 3.5 / 5

Emotional connect: 4.5 / 5

Ending: 5 / 5

Final rating: 4.5 / 5{/center)


Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to read your submission. Good luck in the contest.

Regards,


PurpleHaze
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Review of Subcutaneous  Open in new Window.
Review by CopyPaper Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Simply stunning, sinks into subGregorian sections, simultaneously serious and silly, SubCutAneOus is my new pSeudonym. Succinct...stupendous...stimulating!
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