Thanks for sharing this, it was wonderful to read. At the beginning, reading about two ex-lovers meeting up, I wondered if this would be a reunion. Even though the whole meeting is tinged with sadness, I didn't quite realise that something different was going on until the headstone is mentioned. Still, I assumed the grave was fo a father with the same name, perhaps, until the last paragraph made it really clear.
It made for a really interesting take on a life - changing (or ending) momen, and showed Coren's emotional struggle from an unusual viewpoint.
The only minor mistake I noticed was your use of the word "bald" in the sentence: "Kind of bald of me but I was curious." That spelling refers to a lack of hair ("his head was bald.") "Bold" is the correct spelling for the meaning in this instance.
Still, a truly great read! I'm looking forward to reading the related story you have linked!
Brilliant short story. I love reading anything centred on the seven deadly sins. The first paragraph, in my view, was absolutely fantastic, one of the most chilling and perfect openings I've read. The story felt a little rushed, but I think that's okay for a first draft - it's important to get it all out and you can add more detail later.
One thing that strikes me is that the piece is entitled "Pride". This was interesting as when reading, the key Cardinal sin involved appeared to be Envy. On second reading, however, it occurred to me that the feeling of pride is more subtle, and left me wondering - is it Samantha's pride which leads to her downfall? Or could it be Pierre's lack/loss of pride which drives him to his terrible act?
A lovely first draft and I am interests to see what you do with it next!
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