Wow. This is amazing. I love it. The only thing I could ask is if you could go into more details on the later seasons. Fall and winter seem significantly shorter. I don't know if that is intentional, but I would have liked more from them. I feel like hot chocolate is more associated with winter, I would suggest hot cider instead. Those are only small things though and again I love this poem.
Wow, this is very interesting. I definitely want to know more. Is Rose psychic? Is it a super power? What were the other times if this clearly isn't the first? And of course I want to know if she ruins her friendship over a boy?
What’s in fact a horoscope?
It is just a horror-scope!
Spreading baseless hope or fear,
Its forecast is a veneer.
(You start out good. I especially like that you refer to the forecast as a "veneer". It gets your point across that it's all just for show and meaningless, but I think the first line could be simplified to "What is a horoscope?" and it would flow better.)
“Stars have a bad confluence,
Saturn has ill influence;
Venus from its path has tripped,
Jupiter, too, is eclipsed!”.
(I don't understand why there are quotes around this whole block of text when none of the others have it. The part about stars having "bad confluence", an act or process of merging, doesn't really make sense to me. It comes off as if you just wanted a big word to rhyme with influence. The commas in the last line aren't necessary and the ending has double punctuation with the !".)
To me it’s of importance
Let there be no divergence
From the morals held so high,
Forget the events in sky.
("From the morals held so high" I don't know if it's just the "the" in the sentence, it throws me off a little. Makes me think what morals, who's morals?)
Man’s mind is vitiated
By his thoughts motivated.
From the ill cannot come good.
Virtue can’t come from falsehood.
(This whole part feels scattered. "Man's mind is vitiated", spoiled or impaired, but then "By his thoughts motivated"? that is a little conflicting. The last two lines, "From the ill cannot come good." I think "the" is unnecessary and would make the sentence stronger if removed. But I personally disagree that good can come from ill situations and virtue can come from falsehood. It can inspire people to change and be better or do better.)
Man should really pay heed
To his thought and to his deed.
Why look at the horoscope?
Why not have positive hope?"
(This last block is really good, I just think the last line could be changed to something more impactful. The first three lines build me up for a strong declaration and then I'm left feeling a little flat.)
The punctuation throughout the whole piece should have another look, it lacks consistency. I know it feels like I'm tearing it apart, but I did like your poem. This is all just technical stuff I noticed. I have a friend I go to and she does this for me and I feel it helps take what I wrote to a whole new level. That's why I took the time to write this, I see potential.
I really like this concept. Everything goes together and gives in to your idea of time as a person. Except this one part:
"And into her nose,
Where all your memories they flows-"
It doesn't work as well as the rest. It's a little awkward and throws me off. I get everything else and enjoy it. If you fix this little part it would make the whole thing exponentially better.
You have "Ask the rapids get faster" and I think you meant "As the rapids get faster", and you have "I'm drowning the the river" I think you mean "I'm drowning in the river". Other than those two sentences I really enjoy the Irish connotation. If you fix those little things I would definitely rate 4 or 5 stars.
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