What I liked:
I entered this contest as well, and I love your entry. I find this contest to be so interesting and challenging, and you definitely met the challenge. There is only so much one can do in 3 lines and 12 syllables, but in that small space, you managed to paint me a nice picture. We haven't been having the best weather where I am right now, and I felt that you may as well have been looking out my own window watching the same storm that rolled through last night.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
The raging clouds really set the tone of the storm rushing by the window, and you did a great job of following the constraints of the challenge, especially the rhyming scheme involved.
Overall Thoughts:
This was a great little piece, and I wish you well in the contest! I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Keep on writing!
Makenzie
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What I liked:
I really enjoyed this poem and how you showed that love truly can sneak up on us in the most unexpected ways. Even though they were both looking for friendships, it seemed that they were sharing some deep feelings and dreams, and in doing so, I think that it was only natural for them to build a trust and relationship that could go deeper than just friendship. I think my favorite part was the following stanza: And yet here we are
With hearts and spirits intertwined
With eyes wide open
We didn't know we'd given them away
I love the idea that through their friendship and openness, their hearts had stealthily taken hold of each other's. It was interesting that as he was opening up, learning to trust again, she was getting more nervous and cautious. I must say that I completely sympathize with her and feel like I'd probably be reacting in much the same way.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
I appreciated the tone and structure of the poem. Some of the short, to-the-point lines were just what was needed in this situation, mirroring the surprise and confusion she felt and discovering this love that had suddenly developed.
Overall Thoughts:
Overall, I thought this was a great poem, and I really love the message you put forth through it. Emotions can be so tricky, and I always enjoy when love sneaks up on people. Great job!!
Keep on writing!
Makenzie
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What I liked:
I participated in today's Writer's Cramp as well, and I really love the direction in which you took our prompt!
Plot/Characters/Setting:
You did a good job of getting into her head and really pulling forth some of the more obsessive tendencies she had, driving to his apartment every morning and watching him from the shadows. The creepiest part about it is that I'm sure there are people out there who do similar things for their boyfriends or girlfriends or just people they have a 'crush' on. And then in the end, she takes that obsession and steps past the point of no return. I really love the following line near the end: Leonard Cohen’s tragic voice is beautiful and understanding as I throw away the empty cyanide bottle in the bin.
It's a tragic, yet simple, explanation of what she's just done.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
Since this is a quick Writer's Cramp entry, I won't go into much detail, but I did want to point out a couple things I noticed. First, it seems that in the third paragraph, you accidentally pressed enter in the middle of a sentence, and that sentence itself just seems to be a bit odd to me: He is always punctual, on the dot at 8 a.m. he is coming out of the hallway door, looks around, greets the day and starts walking towards his car, a light blue Citroen C1 1.0-12V Ambiance.
My suggestion would be something like: He is always punctual. At 8 a.m. on the dot, he comes out of the hallway door, looks around, greets the day, and starts walking towards his car, a light blue Citroen C1 1.0-12V Ambiance.
Or something like that. It's not much, but just adding that little separation of sentences makes it more readable to me. But again, that is just a suggestion.
Overall:
Overall, I really enjoyed the story. This little short story has a lot of potential to be a really creepy story if you were to ever expand upon it. Good job.
Keep on writing!
Makenzie
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What I liked:
This poem was too funny, and at the same time, so very true! I think just about everyone can relate to your poem, especially considering all of us who hang out on WDC all the time. When I get to work in the morning, I'll often check the news, but I have to watch myself because it is extremely easy to get sucked in and lose track of time. And on the weekends, it's even easier to get lost in the news or absorbed by a fun YouTube account. Before I know it, it can be the afternoon. Your poem is a fun way of reminding us all to take a step back and make sure we're doing what needs to be done.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
The poem flowed very well, and I liked that you managed to keep the thyme going while telling your fun story. I think my favorite lines are in the last stanza: Oh I really need a fast cure
For my big clickin’ addiction
I just love the phrase "big clickin' addiction." It's a fun phrase that perfectly describes what so many people suffer from.
Overall Thoughts:
Overall, this was such a fun poem. I'll likely be thinking of it tomorrow as I sit down at my desk and attempt to focus on my work. No big clickin' addiction for me! Great job!
What I liked:
How could I look at that adorable kitten face and not read this story! This was so cute and fun. It reminded me the time I slept over at my friend's house and we woke up to little kitten cries the next morning. And bam! She had three new kittens to care for!
Plot/Characters/Setting:
I thought that the couple was especially cute with the grumpy old man and his wise wife that knew exactly how to manipulate her husband. A true representation of a marriage, right? And of course George has to be all grumpy about the influx of little kittens into his home, but as we all know, it's so very hard to say no and turn away from their innocent, fluffy little faces. As Martha knew, she just had to give it a night, and he'd melt in their presence. I know that this was just a quick little snippet of time, but I feel that George and Martha have quite the adventures in their life, and I'd love to see more moments like this.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
Nada!
Overall Thoughts:
I think this was a very cute story, and likely quite typical of many families. While I didn't have many pets growing up, I feel like this is what happened with my mother whenever my father would bring home a new TV. Except that she wouldn't fall for its cuteness. But still, this was a very relatable story filled with cute fuzzy kittens. What could be better? Great job!
What I liked:
Wow. This was a beautiful and very striking piece, a mixture of sorrow and strength. I grew up in North Carolina, so learning about the Trail of Tears was a basic part of the Social Studies curriculum. I love the progression throughout the poem, beginning with their struggles but building in strength with the Seminoles' revolt and refusal to sign a treaty. I actually had to look that up, not realizing all of the circumstances surrounding the Seminole tribe in comparison to the others in this country. So thank you for teaching me something! My favorite lines, of course, were the last two: To this day, listen close and you may hear,
Soft cries of sorrow, yet they shed no tears.
Again, it's a beautiful image of strength, of not giving in to the horrors of what they went through being ripped from their homes and sent far away to a strange land.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
I thought everything worked well together in this poem, the tone and rhythm. The rhyming, as well, was well done. I always appreciate a poem where I can get halfway through the poem before realizing it rhymes because the rhyming fits in so well with the rhythm and purpose of the poem.
Overall Thoughts:
You've done a wonderful job spotlighting a difficult time in history and finding something positive within the bleakness. It's a beautiful image of the strength of these tribes that still flows through their veins to this day. Well done!
What I liked:
I absolutely loved this story, mostly because I feel like it's something that would happen to me! I think everyone has had their version of 'Cute Guy Tim' who seems so perfect upon first meeting, but then after spending time with them, you realize that the cuteness does not go beyond the looks. I sympathized from the very beginning with the woman. When I was a kid, my best friend had two parakeets (along with about a dozen other animals), and our favorite thing was to let them out in her room and let them go wild...then try to catch them again. Looking back, free-range birds flying around in a house was not the best idea, and my reaction was the same as hers at the idea of Tim not wanting to cage animals.
Plot/Characters/Setting:
You created such a fun story that did not cross over into the realm of unbelievable. People are strange enough these days, that this first date is totally believable. As things progressively got worse, I was trying to think of new nicknames for 'Cute Guy Tim' along with the poor woman.
Overall Thoughts:
This was such a fun story! Sometimes we fear online dating because you never know what the guy will be like in real life, but then stories like this just go to show that it's not just internet guys who can be creepy and weird. Very entertaining. Great job!
As a life-long fan of Jane Austen, I can't tell you how excited I was to see your folder dedicated to her.
What I liked:
I thought this was a very interesting poem, very in tune with the culture during the time in which Jane Austen lived and wrote. The first stanza was very strong, drawing me straight into the poem. It presents a helpless situation, but then again, so many were, especially if a family, like the Bennets, were trying to marry off daughters and in the process elevate their status. I really do pity the families who didn't have a son to step in as heir, causing the women to lose so much and resort to taking desperate actions in marriage, not having the freedom to wait for love. I think the following stanza summed up that era pretty well: Sometimes she would find true love.
Most women had no choice.
She asked for help from Heaven above.
Even if she was miserable, she would have to rejoice.
There are times in my life when I wish I could have existed during that era, but then when I see how little choice women had back then, I am grateful for the here and now. Still, I wouldn't have minded the dressings and pretty hats!
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
I think the poem flowed well, and you did a good job of maintaining your rhyming scheme. You did an excellent job of first addressing the struggles of the young women, then transitioned into how they were expected to act in society, even telling of those who chose not to act as they should.
Overall Thoughts:
I absolutely agree with your last stanza. I love reading about this time. I don't know what it is, but it's quite fascinating, and you've done a wonderful job of addressing that culture in poetic form. I enjoyed this poem, and now I'm thinking about pulling out one of my copies of Pride and Prejudice. Good job!!
What I liked:
So I decided that my way of celebrating Christmas in July would be taking a stroll through your Christmas folder, and I must say, I am very pleased with my decision. This was such a fun story! You had me laughing out loud multiple times throughout. My particular favorites were when the elves were describing how the young couples would go for the chocolate and sneak a kiss along the way, and then, of course, there were all of the snowbaby names! Poor Harold! I also love how you managed to tweak little phrases to give them the Christmas flair, such as This really takes the candy cane! It took me a second to realize that it didn't say 'cake!'
Plot/Characters/Setting:
I love the sarcastic little elves! I never really gave thought to where the elves would come from if they had a history before Santa, and I really enjoyed the world that you created for them. I'm more than happy to accept it as canon in the story of Santa and his elves. Considering the fun they'd left behind, I certainly can't blame them for wishing to be a part of it, and creating snowball babies for Frosty was certainly a fun and creative way of giving the guys a break. Again, I couldn't help but to giggle at their names.
Overall Thoughts:
This was such a cute, fun story, and now I'm totally in the mood for Christmas! I have a feeling that as the holiday approaches, I'll be finding myself back in your Christmas folder reading more of these stories. Great job!
What I liked:
You had me at Canada!! Having spent two winters working up in Northern Alberta, I could definitely relate to this piece. Boy, do I miss Timmy's! And I'm pretty sure I had my own experiment with the 'freezing my tail off method' the first time I stepped out of the truck at our hotel. I think the closest I got would have been my fingers going numb in -45C. That was quite unpleasant. Your story was fun and certainly brought back a ton of fond memories from my times in Canada. I can definitely sympathize with the spinning on ice into a snowy ditch moment! And I never really thought about how many 'freezing' or 'icy' phrases/sayings we have, but you found a fun (and very honest) way of relating them to Canadian life.
My favorite line, by far, was definitely: "To toque or not to toque?" Thanks to my time in Canada, I have quite the collection of toques now. Of course, they're not very useful in the climate of the southern US, but I've kept them nevertheless.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
I did notice some issues with spacing and periods on the wrong side of quotation marks but nothing that takes away from the meaning of the story. If you want to clean up the punctuation at some point, I wouldn't mind rereading it for you.
Overall Thoughts:
This was a fun piece that had me nodding along with quite a few facts that you pointed out. And, of course, now I'm missing Canada and eager to plan my next trip back up there! Good job. Keep on writing, eh?
Hi StephBee!!
This review comes to you on behalf of the great House Stark of "Game of Thrones" !!
What I liked:
I really enjoyed this story you've written. For such a short story, you managed to keep me on my toes and curious throughout. I love the twist you threw in at the end. At first I was thinking he was a vampire, but what you did was much better. I read a lot of werewolf/changeling stories, and I think it was the perfect answer to Audrina's questions.
Plot/Characters/Setting:
I love the paranormal world because you can really play with timelines, as you did here, which makes the story that much more interesting. It's interesting that Damian is able to recognize the scent of his mate (diluted) through Esther and then realized in Audrina. And the fact that Damian still managed to stay close and love Esther despite her just wanting to remain friends, and to see how her death affected him, is so beautiful and heartbreaking. This story was a good snapshot into the realization moment of what they mean to each other. The biggest issue I have is that it's too short! I wish I could see more into the past leading up to the moment and especially more of what happened after he drops the "I'm a werewolf" bomb.
Overall Thoughts:
Overall, I really liked this story! As I said before, I wish it were longer! If you ever go back to this piece and decide to expand it, I'll be the first in line to read it! Great job, and I can't wait to dig further into your port after this challenge is over!
What I liked:
Buy me an airplane ticket. I want to go there! This was a beautiful piece that, by the end, had me googling 'Mohonk' to figure out where this place was and how I can get there. Your choice of words was so captivating and melodic. I believe my favorite lines were: Cherry blossoms, pink and pearly, reaching toward the sun,
Where they’ll braid tender petals upon bountiful branches.
The image of the petals braiding and twisting across the branches just really stood out to me. I've always wanted to see cherry blossom trees in person, and your description just has me aching for it even more!
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
The images you created flowed beautifully together. Each line built upon the previous ones, as if a brush to a canvas, creating for me this beautiful landscape of hills and flowers and colors changing with the changing seasons. I close my eyes, and I can envision it. Your tone throughout was soft and gentle, reflecting the beauty that you were seeing before you, adding an additional layer of beauty to that already created by your words.
Overall Thoughts:
You mention that before you stood magnificent artwork often seen in books, and I thank you for so skillfully redrafting it in my mind through your words. This was such a lovely poem. Well done and Happy Anniversary!!!
Hi Bluesman!!
This review comes to you on behalf of the great House Stark of "Game of Thrones" !!
What I liked:
I should have read the prompt then walked away. That's what I should have done. But I wasn't smart enough to do that, and I read on, knowing it wasn't going to end well. For having such a word limit constraint, you did a good job of creating the romance, followed quickly by tragedy.
Plot/Characters/Setting:
It's funny because while I enjoyed reading these flashes of memory back to their wedding, I was also silently telling her to pay attention to the road. But then, that's what happens in real life, isn't it? We drive roads we've driven hundreds of times before, in weather we've dealt with hundreds of times before, and our thoughts begin to wander. Of course it frustrated me that she says (or thinks) that she has to pay attention to the road, then jumps right back into her memories. But you tricked me. I kept expecting for her to meet her end, not to arrive home to such devastation.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
I would like to point out that, for me, it was slightly confusing having what I think were her thoughts also in quotation marks. Most of the time the italicized words were in quotation marks as well, but then one time they weren't, making me wonder the difference between the statements.
Overall Thoughts:
I enjoyed the story, and you definitely made my heart hurt by the end. As that was the whole point of this challenge, I congratulate you on doing your job. Well done.
What I liked:
I believe this to be a powerful, eye-opening piece, especially for those who are not as familiar with MS and all of the struggles that come with it. It doesn't just affect one person but whole families.
Plot/Characters/Setting:
I like the way you told this story, in an 'I said/she said' manner. It made it more raw, to me. The helplessness and frustration is all there. But also the strength. Even though she didn't laugh at your joke, I did, because I probably would have done the same thing. When things get bad, I usually try to find a way to lighten the mood. Otherwise, it's easy for depression to kick in when dwelling on things that cannot be helped.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
There were a few commas here and there that I may have added, but I won't bother detailing them here. It's nothing that really takes away from the story.
Overall Thoughts:
Overall, I liked this piece for its honesty. I can't even imagine the struggles, but I thank you for opening up and giving us this small window into your life. In the end, you pointed out the most important thing: love. That love is strength. Addressing your introduction, I believe you to be coping as well as anyone else could do. And I hope you enjoyed planting those trees with the kids. Those are very special moments. Well done.
What I liked:
I think you've creating a wonderful poem highlighting the strength and loyalty that form the bond of true friendship. I think my favorite stanza is the following: Like a ballet with dancers complimentary,
each move we make is never rudimentary.
As someone who took ballet classes for many many years in my youth, I know all too well the work involved in a dance - the moves strong and with purpose, nothing frivolous, and the dancers working together as a team. Me, personally, I loved the comparison.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
You did a great job crafting this poem. I really appreciated the switch from the lines not rhyming to them suddenly in sync. It surprised me, but then, in recognizing the sudden rhyme, that stanza stood out. I knew it was important, and that a change was coming. And it did. The rhyme shifted, the tone shifted, and no longer were we just talking about the qualities of friendship, but there was the warning to those who would try to meddle in and disrupt a friendship. I thought it was very clever.
Overall Thoughts:
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. It had some lovely imagery, and I liked your style of writing. Great job!
What I liked:
This was such a fun and sweet story, even if it was a little traumatic! Your writing style is very relatable, and I felt as if I were at the blueberry farm watching the scene play out. As someone who spent many years in south Louisiana, I can more than sympathize with the abundance of mosquitos, critters, and alligators....as well as a dislike for them all! Where I work, we have to constantly keep an eye out for gators.
Plot/Characters/Setting:
Blueberry picking with your granddaughter sounds like such a fun idea, and at least in this instance, y'all were able to walk away with a crazy story to tell. Mr. Case seemed like a very nice man, and I have no trouble believing that he would name the alligator. People get oddly attached to them, especially when they get it in their mind that they're "harmless." Yeah, it's still a wild animal with a strong jaw and sharp teeth. Years ago, we used to go to a dance pavilion along a bayou, and kids would be out there just feeding the alligators. No big deal. I'm proud to say I was not one of them.
Overall Thoughts:
This was a fun story documenting your experience with your granddaughter. While things didn't go as planned, it seemed like she had some fun, and I'm sure a ten-year-old gets a real kick out of seeing a gator lurking about. I do hope you managed to find a new farm that was gator-less. Thank you for sharing in this little snippet of your life! You had quite an adventure!
What I liked:
This was a beautiful entry for an Earth Day challenge and one to which I can very much relate. While I've never been to India and seen the Ganges, I grew up with the Mississippi River being the heart and soul of my land. And just like the Ganges, it's dotted with industrialization, especially as it approaches the Gulf of Mexico. And while we haven't always treated him as we should, as was sung in Show Boat, 'Ol Man River, he just keeps rolling along.' It can be funny to think of a river having such a profound existence, but your beautiful words show just how powerful it can be.
Plot/Characters/Setting:
You've done a wonderful job with plot, character, and setting. The idea that, despite the pollution, the Ganges shows her strength, keeps forgiving and blessing - it's the balm on a wounded soul. Forgiveness is a powerful tool. And I believe my absolute favorite line is: "Tears of repentance cascaded down my cheeks, and, like the countless believers who dip in her waters daily to be cleansed of their sins, I, too, prayed to Mother Ganges for deliverance."
That heartbreak and helplessness he must be feeling, it's a powerful weight on my chest just trying to imagine it.
Overall Thoughts:
You've done a wonderful job writing this piece. I love the feeling of walking up to a mighty river and feeling a sense of home. But it's hard to take a step back and see how we pollute that home, tear it apart, ask for so much, yet give back so little.
Hi BScholl!!
This review comes to you on behalf of the great House Stark of "Game of Thrones" !!
What I liked:
Wow. This was such a moving piece that really highlighted some of the hardships of the family of those who are struck with cancer. One thing that stood out to me was the following:
“I’m not a particularly bright man. So, don’t be impressed that I know these terms. I know them because year after year I heard Bobby’s doctors say them. I studied them. I wanted to understand what these meant and how they affected my son."
That is something that I often notice when I speak with people who have dealt with serious illnesses. It's one thing to hear a lot of technical speak coming from doctors, but when the regular, every day person can hold conversations using the technical terms, that's when it really hits me how much time and effort they've put into whatever illness. I've told myself that I hope not to ever be that familiar with fancy, medical terms.
Plot/Characters/Setting:
You did a wonderful job creating a character with whom I could empathize, and I believe the testimonial was the perfect medium through which to tell this story. The fact that Thomas not only had to struggle with the suffering and loss of his son but also his wife in such heart-wrenching circumstances - that in itself shows how much cancer can wear down a person, even those not actually suffering from the disease. You truly show how much love endures, and I love how you are able to find and create beauty in the last moments of the son's life. To have five hours of clarity with him, only to lose it all - as an emotional reader, I can tell you I was almost in tears.
Overall Thoughts:
I cannot say enough how much I loved this piece, the powerful emotions you've portrayed, and just the honest reality of the situation. It really encourages one to not only live life to the fullest, but in the cases where a family member or friend is suffering, to really appreciate every moment spent with that person. Each moment is precious. Thank you for sharing this wonderful creation.
What I liked:
Wow! This poem is quite fabulous. The topic itself, the changing of the seasons, is always one of my favorites. I just love nature poetry, and you do such a wonderful job of describing each season, the time passing, the changing of the landscapes. And in each season, you find a reason for the wind to cry, whether for the passing of summer or the biting cold of winter. I love the description of Spring, with the winter dying and the trees gaining a new ring of age.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
Let me just say how impressed I am with your ability to not only create such beautiful images with your words, but to do so with such strict constraints in form and rhyme. I was unfamiliar with the Empat, Empat form before reading this poem, and I think it's a rather interesting one. But for you to add on the rhyming scheme which you said is not usual to the form, I must applaud you. The rhyming was done well, and the lines flowed from one to another, carrying me from season to season.
Overall Thoughts:
Overall, I thought this was a lovely poem that, I believe, took amazing skill to construct and still maintain its beauty and imagery. I am, by no means, a poet, but I think you've done a great job, and I look forward to reading more items in your port!
What I liked:
This was such a funny story!! The best part about it was that you made it so relatable. I swear, talking to my father reminds me of Uncle Buck and Uncle Larry. My mother and I accept he has his own vocabulary, and it has taken us years to learn. 'Stalagnos' are apparently his version of 'stilettos.' While auditory amplification isn't necessary, I'm thinking institutional confinement sounds like a good idea! I thought it very clever how you managed to change the names of the different ailments into funny and confusing terms. I think my favorite was 'mashfrytitsis.'
Plot/Characters/Setting:
The characters were great and so relatable. I think everyone has relatives like Uncle Buck and Uncle Larry, and if a person doesn't, I truly feel sorry for them. They're missing out on so much entertainment, the proof of which you've provided in such a fun story. I connected with each of your characters, bless their hearts, and I totally understand the switch from pre-med to engineering. After having a conversation like that, I'd probably question a number of life choices I'd made up to that point.
Overall Thoughts:
You've done a great job creating an entertaining snapshot of an afternoon at a family gathering. I was laughing my way through this story and face-palming myself along with the nephew. Thank you so much for sharing this and for the laughs!
What I liked:
You have such a way with words! This is a beautiful poem inspired by Psalm 23, and I thought you did a wonderful job of maintaining the meaning of the psalm while making it your own. I especially loved the image of the spirit rising like a phoenix above the dark shadows of this world. You capture the essence of the psalm wonderfully, and the peace I find in reading Psalm 23, I can also find in this poem.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
I must say that I love the fact that I keep getting an education when I read your poems. I'm still somewhat new to poetry, and this is the second one of yours I've read and the second new poetic form I've learned. The construction and rhyming of the Nove Otto are interesting, and I applaud you for finding a way to express your thoughts while staying true to the rhyming pattern. It flowed well from beginning to end.
Overall Thoughts:
I think this is a lovely poem, and I enjoy seeing poetry in different or uncommon forms. I just want to thank you for stepping out of the box and sharing your talent and creativity with us. Wonderful job! You have captured my attention, and I hope to dive further into your port in the future.
What I liked:
This was so unbelievably creative!! Not only do I walk away in amusement, but I got a free poetry lesson as well! I loved each poem within the larger piece, but I'm pretty sure I died a little bit at the acrostic. You managed to take a week's worth of apparently dreadful dates (minus the last), and turned it into a fun collection of seven different types of poems, not including the iambic pentameter couplets. I'm so impressed, not to mention entertained.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
I love that each date was its own poem and had its own voice, yet within the story, you still managed to stay true to the different poetic forms. I also enjoyed the fact that you used some lesser used forms of poetry. I was unfamiliar with the Etheree style before reading your piece and thought it quite a fun and clever form for that date. Poor sap definitely struck out on that one. And of course, I appreciate the use of the Shakespearean Sonnet at the end for the successful romantic event.
Overall Thoughts:
It's a good thing I wasn't in a library when I read this because I actually laughed out loud at a couple of the failed dates. I'll admit that sometimes I can get lost in all of the flowery words of poems, so I really appreciated the humor and storytelling expressed in each poem. I have nothing more to say but that this was a genius idea and so much fun. Thank you for the laughs!
What I liked:
This was such a fun poem to read. Despite the tragic story that resulted from being struck by muse, the poem itself displays perfectly how quickly and powerfully a muse can strike. Your second stanza, especially, struck me with its truths - the cascading of words and pictures and ideas. Half the time my brain is moving too fast and my hands can't keep up. I'm even more grateful for technology and the fact that I type faster than I write. It's my only saving grace.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
I really like how you structured this poem, the mostly short lines of the first two stanzas mirroring the whirlwind of ideas with which the muse strikes. Then the stanzas grow as the words come and the story is put down to paper. Even the darkness of the story that comes can't completely dampen the general excitement of the poem, at least for me. And at the end, the way you alter from excitement to the deeper emotion that comes along with truly falling into the character as its being written. To feel the hurt and pain and freedom alongside the character certainly shows a special depth and connection that you portray eloquently.
Overall Thoughts:
I really love this poem and think you've done a spectacular job of capturing the moment muse strikes. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and talent with us. I look forward to reading more from your port!
What I liked:
As someone who is slightly arachnophobic as well as just plain allergic to spider bites, this poem spoke to my heart on the deepest levels. I initially thought this would be some love poem to spiders until I saw the last sentence of your description and laughed and knew this was the poem for me. You managed to take the creepy and icky reality of spiders and wrap it in a blanket of poetic humor that I truly appreciate.
Tone/Structure/Rhythm:
The tone was perfect and the rhyming quite clever and witty. My skin crawled and I squirmed in my seat as your words mirrored my every day actions in attempt to clear my house of the vile creatures.
Overall Thoughts:
You are quite clever and creative with your words and how you made such a simple subject so much fun, yet still relatable. Not to mention you really did make my skin crawl. If your poem is as close as I ever get again to another spider, I will die happy. Alas, I know that shall not be the case. In any case, I appreciate your humor and thank you for bringing me such laughs through your poetry. You definitely have a talent, and I am intrigued and look forward to digging through more of your port. Great job!!
What I liked:
This was such a beautiful look into the past of this person's relationship with an architect. I loved everything about it - your words, the images so easily forming in my mind. You definitely have a way with words.
I think my favorite line has to be: When we met, he made an Olympic sport of love's challenges, winning my heart with his distracting air and powerful presence.
I just think it's such a powerful image of new love and this man's charm.
Plot/Characters/Setting:
With so few words, you've managed to create such a wonderful characters. I was cheering on this charming man who chewed on his pencils and wrote poetry all while thinking this person so lucky to have found such a man. And then you ripped that dream away from me in a nice little curveball of the sobering reality of current circumstances. And then all I wanted to do was hug the person for having what appeared to be such a wonderful relationship taken away. Thanks for that. I guess it's a lesson to enjoy every moment, for in the blink of an eye it can be gone.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
None.
Overall Thoughts:
I really loved this piece and thought it was a beautiful, even with the unfortunate twist at the end. Your writing style is also quite powerful, with your ability to portray such images and emotions apparently effortless. Wonderful job!
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