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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/darkhorse
Review Requests: OFF
79 Public Reviews Given
198 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I review horror, murder mystery, and weird tales. Some sci-fi, no fantasy. I like mostly dark stories, gothic, lovecraftian, monsters, ghosts and paranormal. Short stories only. I don't review novels or chapters.
I'm good at...
I like to review the feel of the story, pacing, continuity, originality, mood and atmosphere, suspense, tension, and action. I will let you know what works and what doesn't for me. I'll point out some grammar corrections, sentence structure, paragraph construction. I'll make suggestions for the story for clarity and making it more interesting and engaging. One of my main focuses is opening sentences and 1 st paragraphs and endings.
Favorite Genres
Horror and all horror sub-genres
Least Favorite Genres
Romance
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and dark, horror and gothic poetry
I will not review...
Novels and chapters
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
Review of 1962  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Fun little flash story. Love the way it ended. Keep up the good writing :)
2
2
Review of the string  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I always miss these review request deadlines because I'm just not on Writing.com everyday. Sorry about that, I'll review it now and don't worry about the gift points.

I must say I enjoyed this story. It hooked my interest in the 1st paragraph. I liked the mythology aspect and how you brought the
ancient legend into present times. It was paced nicely and had a great ending.

I did see a few grammar issues that needed corrections but it seems you've corrected them already. Otherwise you have written with a high quality and natural voice that most writers only hope to achieve in their work. Kudos!


.
3
3
Review of Berserk  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a fun read, Jeff! I love clowns and this one was having such a grand time at the amusement park...

Seriously, I felt bad for the man under the face paint. We've all been in a simliar situation where we were pushed too far when dealing with the public, and wanted to bust out. I'm glad he retained control in the end, his little secret fantasy was still safe. However it's still there, inside his head... who knows what the future will hold.

I know this is not much of a review but I seriously don't see any need for improvement.

Happy WDC Anniversary,
Mike
4
4
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


Greetings Fairport,
Wow, I really like this. I'm not a huge fan of poetry but this is haunting and conjures visual images that are striking.

I give this 5 stars for its truly gothic style that mirrors shades of Poe. It has a well balanced cadence and flows nicely while sparking dark visuals of the imagination.

Keep on writing!
Mike
5
5
Review of One More Song  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Great story, loved the ending. I liked the misdirection in the beginning of the story because I was thinking the cat had I'll intentions toward Molly, not the other way around. My only suggestion would be to describe the size of the wooden spoon. My wife has a few wooden spoons and they are fairly small and light weight. The spoon I pictured didn't seem heavy enough to kill a kitty. Cats are fairly tenacious. Other than that one snag, I enjoyed the story. It is well written and nicely paced, holding my interest until the very wicked ending.
6
6
Review of Slaughterhouse  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Great story as always, Bill.
You really got down to the nitty gritty details of the slaughterhouse, probably something many people would rather not think about. That's part of the horror of this story. Great line:

as clean as the white skulls painted by Georgia O'Keefe.[/i}

I like the correlation of the song, 'Beast of Burden' running through the story.

I don't have much in the way of constructive comments for the story.
Perhaps one thing I'll mention, that I'm often guilty of myself... You seemed to have used the man's name, Harley, quite a bit when in some spots a pronoun would be suffice - especially early in the story when he is the only character. It's a very minor thing and I didn't read this like an editor so maybe they are all needed to bring the reader back to the character, but it's something to look at.

Great story, fun to read especially for the Halloween season. I posted a Halloween story in my port myself but haven't gotten a lot of views - I'm wondering where all the horror fans have gone on WDC?
Mike
7
7
Review of Hunger Pangs  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Great story Angus. Nice action at the end. You ramped up the suspense by cutting from the couple to the creature, back and forth. Not sure what this monster is, 6 legs, but it reminds me of an experience I had.

My wife and I were sitting on a bench by a small lake in FL when a gator snuck up behind us in the water. It was a man-made lake at a hotel so we didn't think there was any danger of gators, we were wrong :) people yelled, we took one look and ran into the hotel. We watched by the door as it came out of the water.

Anyway, fun story to read. Short, simple, to the point.
8
8
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Jeannie,
Great story. I love these old folktales and you managed to fit two into this one tale.
Love the set up, very natural, progresses nicely. The walk through the swamp area, you managed to relay the creepiness very well. Harold certainly seemed to be enjoying himself *Smile*

I see one type-o:
Her neighbors would past... should be,
Her neighbors would pass... or
Her neighbors passed

Otherwise, everything was written well and I enjoyed reading the story.
Mike
9
9
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

Greetings Doug,
This makes for an interesting read. I like the melding of history and fiction and you've set forth a plausable explaination for Poe's writing of The Raven.

Setting/descriptions: the time and place(s) were conveyed simply and tied with the mindset of the era - which I liked.

Characters: Poe and Dinsdale were described and their actions pushed the plot. I would have liked more development of Lenore.

Ending: Cumulative ending which is described in the title.

Grammar: no obvious grammar errors.

In the spirit of making it even better, I would have liked more in-depth character development though dialogue, actions and personal feelings. Naturally, this is just an opinion :)


Enjoyed reading this as I enjoy reading anything about Poe.
mike
10
10
Review of A Fine Blade  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great story. Interesting from the start and felt empathy for the main character flooding his brother in the war

Characters: Brand was well described and I related to his decision to sell the sword, dissappointed that it didn't save his brother's life.

Ending: what a great twist at the end. You made the reader think think the sword was going to save him but that was not the case. Brand befell the same fate as his brother.

Grammar: no obvious grammar errors

Sentinel is a great name for the sword. Well written story with a great twist ending.
I enjoyed reading it.
Mike
11
11
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Elizjohn,
Saw your story on the plug page and caught my interest. Great concept and a fresh idea. The scary side of a one sided romance. Has a Twilight Zone feel to it.


Setting/descriptions: a classroom of students, afternoon turning to early evening. Described just enough for the reader to picture a room from their own memory.

Characters: Joe is the typical teacher, not willing to accept learning anything knew from a student, but seems like a nice man, nevertheless.

Ending: even with the astounding event of the opening of the locket, Joe refuses to remember.

Grammar: no obvious grammar errors.

Missing word- Joe placed his ______ on either side of his head....

Well written and enjoyable to read. Great story.
Mike
12
12
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey Angus,
nice story. Like the descriptions from the very begining, you paint a solid picture with your words. I felt like I was watching a movie. Often when I read stories on WDC, they were written for contests and they feel truncated - almost outlined in order to fit a word count. I didn't get that feel from this story, at all.

A couple of weeks ago, several Clint Eastwood Westerns were on different channels. I watched, Pale Rider, A Few Dollars More, Hang 'Em High and High Plains Drifter. Was wondering if you caught any of these and if that was your inspiration. (Love those old Eastwwod Westerns)

I do have two suggestions:
3rd Paragraph - 1st sentence - I would make that 2 sentences,
Behind him is Sheriff Parker and his deputy, both with rifles at the ready, telling the people to stand back(.) They’ll get their show, if they just let them through.

The last line I would add ... just so it doesn't seem like the sentence was cut off by mistake.

That's about it, The story was really well written.
mike
13
13
Review of The Thunder Rolls  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Chris,
Enjoyed the story. It was fast-paced with some good action. Love the mythological creatures.


Setting/descriptions: pictured the young man in his room with nothing to do. The beating rain, storm, barking dog, all described well.

Characters: Alex is typical young man, bored with the storm disrupting his usual routine. Well written character.

Ending: Alex was no longer bored, lol.

Grammar: wrong word - the world seemed to shatter around Alex. You have the word... but I know what you meant.

Once again, I enjoyed the story.
Keep on writing,
Mike
14
14
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice fairytale style explanation of the seasonal events. In this, they take on an even greater role, influencing the battlefeild of warring men.

Setting/descriptions: I pictured each deity watching from above

Characters: each made their strong arguments

Ending: A positive ending that showed a good side to King Winter

Grammar: no obvious grammar errors.

No suggestions, I think this was a fun little tale to read.
mike
15
15
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow, heavy ending. Really struck an emotional chord.
Nicely written, I can really feel it came from the heart.
Mike
16
16
Review of Basement Baby  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Horror Community of Writin...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings DC, found your tale on the Horror Depot. Interesting story. It started out like many I've read before but quickly defined itself apart from the average captive woman tale. I like the way it was revealed in layers.


Setting/descriptions: obviously not much to describe in a dark closet but you portrayed the trace light under the door and sounds of movement above. Definitely added atmosphere.

Characters: we empathize with who is locked in the closet until we get the shocking info when the door opens.

Ending: great plot twist as we discover she is in the closet for good reason.

Grammar: no obvious grammar errors.

Nice story, seems to say something about mothers and daughters who fight constantly, trying to damage each other. Most of the time it's just emotional, but in this tale, it is taken to the extreme.
Well done,
Mike
17
17
In affiliation with The Horror Community of Writin...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wonderful ghost story with a scary ending. Enjoyable to read, nicely paced.

Setting/descriptions: I pictured the Willow tree and the farmland stretching out from under it.

Characters: Fae is the average girl with an interesting talent, seeing the dead.

Ending: Of course, the ending is what makes this story so good. Well done.

Grammar: no obvious grammar errors.

Suggestions: The ending was a bit telegraphed for me. No less enjoyable, but I did figure out what was going to happen. If you could keep Bucky's inevitable wickedness even more hidden, with some more misdirection, it would have an even greater impact at the end. Just an opinion - and everybody's got one, lol. Take it or leave it.

Once again, it was an well-written story for the horror reader, and kept my interest.
mike
18
18
Rated: E | (5.0)
So true, I was on the phone once getting forwarded to different departments for 25 minutes. The last person I talked to said I had to speak with so-and-so in blah-blah department and they will connect me, when they did I heard a recording, "This number is no longer in service, goodbye." The line hung up on me. So I had to start all over with the telephone prompts and menus that took me 15 minutes to get through the first time.
19
19
Review of True Face  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is perfect, kudos to you for writing this.

It is so hard to get a real story out of 55 or even 100 words. This is the perfect example of how it should be done. The last line made me laugh, too. No corrections or suggestions warranted.

Enjoyed reading this.
mike
20
20
Review of Macabesity  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Creepy damn story. Good character development, well defined and empathetic. You really built the suspence with the boy crouched down near the pond's edge - very well done.

I do have a couple of suggestions in the spirit of helping the story be as polished as it can be:
...he chomped the shit out of my finger... sounds like a guy in a bar descibing the event to his freinds. It sounds a bit out of place compared to the rest of the tale (although you used the word earlier but for some reason it didn't bother me as much there) I would suggest leaving it out and combining that sentence with the next:

I grabbed for him and he chomped down on my finger, almost snatching it off during mid run.

Secondly, I would change this sentence:
After a couple of seconds, I was able to flip into action. In the paragraph before it you had stated that I broke out of my trance... so it seems unrealistic for him to wait a few seconds - or to mention it in the story.

I would change it to something like this, also combining it with the next sentence:
I flipped into action, running with an idea I had in mind, (poor Clare later on told me that she expected I had run away for good).

Naturally, these are just opinions, take them or leave them as you see fit.

The action was well written, too. Overall a great little horror story. I enjoyed reading it.
mike
21
21
Review of Fear of darkness  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
This story is sad and also encouraging. It is a story of personal growth and overcoming bad experiences, something everyone goes through at times in their life. In that aspect, it is very easy to identify with the characters of your story.

The problem I find with it is, it is told like a story in a newspaper - kind of unemotionally stated by a narrator.

I think what it really needs is to be told in a couple of real personal scenes between the husband and wife. Think of a movie, where everthing has to be acted out on screen - not told by a narrator - and I think you can make the emotional impact that a story like this is capapble of. Just an opinion.
mike
22
22
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I think this is very good. It captures a moment in time and a brings us to a place most of us have never been. I'm no poetry expert so I couldn't tell you what other's thoughts are behind the lower ratings but I like it.
23
23
Review of The Climb  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

Greetings Bill,
Great story with an excellent twist at the end. Nice pacing, starts in the action and tells a complete story in a short space.

Setting/descriptions: With few words you've somehow painted a very clear picture. Perhaps a bit more descript of the characters would further engage me, and a little more about what/where they were climbing, but not overly important - esp. if this was for a word count. I think that is just a personal preference of mine.

Characters: Characters are revealed through thier dialogue which is realistic considering the setting and situation.

Ending: Like I said, wonderful ending, it completes the story and also manages to keep the reader hanging *Smile* (sorry, I couldn't resist)

Grammar: no obvious grammar errors.

Great story Bill. I love stories that keep you thinking at the end and leave it to your own imagination to finish.
mike
24
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings Nicola,
I was actually hunting for Halloween stories and came across your Christmas tale. I just had to read it because of the "?" in the title. What an interesting party and story, which sounds like it could be somehwhat true, (is it?). Sometimes, during the Christmas season, I feel I have to break away from all the jolly, jolly, for a while - just to keep my sanity. This seems like the reason for a party that you described.

Setting/descriptions: I would like a few more descriptions to put me in the setting. Decorations in the home, twisted themes on Christmas; I know what you meant by thinkng I was in a Tim Burton movie but, would have liked to envisioned it a bit better. Naturally, if this was for a contest you would have been limited on words so its just a suggestion.

Characters: I immediately empathized with the characters showing up at a party and not knowing what to expect.

Ending: You showed a good character arc and discovery - Samantha now interested in attending next year's bash.

Grammar: no obvious grammar errors.

You've portrayed something that we all experience at times - not wanting to do something and finding out we enjoyed it anyway. The story was well-told and enjoyable.
mike
25
25
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings Angus,
It is Halloween and I've been searching for some wicked stories to chill and thrill, so I knew I would find something in your port. This story started out innocently enough, a husband wanting to tell his wife a story from his childhood - a boy calling on a friend - then, you wicked spellbinder - violence and tragedy!

Setting/descriptions: The setting in the boy's home, I could picture well. I actually envisioned the home of my childhood friend, from the bottom of the stairs I could see into his room. I often called on him and stood behind his mom as she yelled up the stairs.

Characters: Empathized with the boy's story, the way it started out. Also have been in the situation of telling my wife a long forgotten tale that was only remembered by a dream or current experience. They act like the typical couple, dialogue was sincere and convincing.

Ending: Nice ending. It is an ending but also leaves an ambiguous mystery - I happen to like stories that end like that. Don't know if everyone will but I wouldn't change it if they don't because its all a matter of opinion and taste.

Grammar: No obvious grammar errors. Although I don't think there is any need for the breaks in the story. ~~~ It doesn't seem needed as each paragraph introduces the next portion in the story - I don't think anyone would be confused.

Nice tale of mystery and intrugue (I've been watching too many trailers for old movies lately), well written, good pacing, keep up the good work!
mike
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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/darkhorse