There is no consistency to the story, no mention of a girl falling in love as per the title. Also as i read through i didn't get any sort of feeling for the characters.
What do the characters look like? You need to paint a picture with words, have Alondra glance im a mirror to check she looks fine and describe what she looks like. The same with the other characters, find ways to give descriptions, even vague ones, so the reader can start to build a picture of what they look like.
Antinuous laugh shouldn't roll across the kingdom, unless it's an immensley small kingdom and he lives in a shack. Rather have it 'shake the foundations' or something, anything that would give him depth as a character.
You also can not introduce things like rumours regarding the girls mother without explaining WHY there are rumours. was she a whore, witch. woman the king picked up at the local market day, whatever the reason may be you need to say, or leave the revelation of rumours until it's needed.
the use of 'ugh' is totally misplaced she sounds like she's in pain rather that excited. You also handled the change of scene very badly. Sudden;y we go from a place with just her and her dad, to the sudden revelation of others being around, to a sudden location and person change.
Describe the journey, it might be a few minutes walk to the new location but talk about if she goes through gardens, up stairs etc etc. All of these help build a picture of the setting. As things are at the minute your character goes from one box to another box, almost instantaneous.
I could go on, but i don't see the need as the same issues are present in the next setting. Copy and paste your story into word or something and expand it, flesh it out and bring some depth and colour to it. In doing so you'll get a better flowing and more engaging story.
Not a bad idea so far. While i have no idea what the story is about it has a decent feel to it. It was intriguing enough to keep me reading and that's what is important for me.
Readability:
This was where i ran into issues. You need to make better use of paragraphs, put a break after each person has finished speaking, even if they've only said a word or two. Spread out the paragraphs so it dosen't read so cluttered and has a smoother read to it.
Spelling & Grammar:
I notice several odd word uses. Right at the beginning you used 'where' which i'm fairly certain should have been 'were'. I also found your use of tenses a little confusing as it slipped in a couple of places.
Personal thought's:
i have been advised by several authors over the years to avoid using first person perspective for telling a story, as it can and does cause issues later on when you need to talk about something the viewer couldn't see, and couldn't know about. While it is doable, it's a complicated process and hard to work right. Third person is better for both the author and reader.
For me, this was clearly the case in the first part of your story where i felt it was word heavy on the descriptions. It just dosen't flow well and feels clunky.
I do like your story and will look for future chapters
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