The plot is very good with one exception I think. The idea is very good. But having Santa, Alvin, Donner etc. solve the problem by just going to find some magic fairy dust that has never been mentioned before in the story seemed very contrived and truthfully lazy. I was disappointed when I read this because I didn't feel there was any effort made to make a surprise resolution to the problem. That is really a requirement for me. Honestly, I would go back and brainstorm that and see if you could come up with something more interesting and something that catches the reader off guard to solve the problem. You'll be glad you did.
I really liked the writing. Again, the grammar and punctuation need a lot of help. But other than the flaw I pointed out above, you are a very good writer and a natural storyteller. This is a very good children's story as it somewhat has that "Candyland" effect. I'm not sure what I mean by that but you did a very good job of capturing what I imagine Santa's world to be. The characterization is great. It is a very positive and happy story, and I think kids will respond to showing kids in such a positive light. I think with rework this would be a really good story. Hope this helps. Good luck.
Interesting. I liked the fact that you couldn't tell whether the beast was an animal like a dog or cat in planet Earth reality or a mythical beast in some mythical world.
One thing that bothered me a little bit about it is a prologue should (to me at least), a kind of a glimpse into the future about the ending without giving it away. In other words it hints at it but doesn't tell the ending so as to kind of tease the reader into reading more. This prologue gives away the ending in my opinion by telling us the beast is going to die of (rabies? distemper? - or something of the type?). Maybe you should leave out the sentence about the beast only finding relief from its death. Just a thought.
At first it seems like the writing is poor, but it really is not. It really is quite good. It just seems that way because the grammar and punctuation are pretty bad. Try reading it over to yourself out loud and you should see the places where it might be better to combine a long sentence into two separate sentences or to take out or put in a comma. This should be easy for you to fix.
Other than that, it interested me enough to want to go to the first chapter, which is the idea of what a prologue should do. Good job.
This is cool. I had to read the last part and the preface over twice to get it. Is the girl kind of a witch? Did the water show her some kind of spell to practice to bring them together? That's the way I got it. I love stories where you have to go back and read them over and over again to figure out what happened but then when you do it is really cool.
I really liked this. If there was anything to work on it might be grammar. Some commas looked like they were in the wrong place and there were places where it looked like one compound sentence might better read as two separate shorter sentences.
I liked the description too. The details seemed vivid without overwhelming the story. And the dialog was very natural.
Great job.
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