There is a lot I see here that could use some help so I'll go through the whole story. It may seem like nitpicking but stories must be clear and believable. Mark Twain said that writing fiction was harder than non-fiction because it has to be believable... or at least in the realm of possibilities.
None of the boys had parents or someone that loved them? The whole tribe "forgot" the boys had been sent fishing?
It's an Amazon indian tribe and the disciplinary action is to move away without telling offenders because, "That'll teach them"?
How did the boys catch the fish? Jumping into the water as they did normally scares fish away.
They catch many fish and a "little" one jumps out of the basket. The Amazon isn't like waters in the bahamas or a swimming pool. It would have been impossible to even see the fish much less follow it. Why follow a little fish and leave several big fish in the baskets that anyone could come along and take? Why all three boys follow a fish when one would do?
When they come to the waterfall they are still in their own territoy so why would they "stare at the wonders around them?
They found a hidden cave, not a secret hidden cave. A secret cave is when someone knows or possesses something and doesn't reveal it to others. An undiscovered cave is hidden, not secret. If the boys returned to their tribe agreeing not to tell anyone, then it would also be a secret cave.
If you were "filled with awe" looking at scintillating stones on the side of a cave, wouldn't you at least try to pry some loose?
So the cave has another end. Where else would the other end be but on the other side?
Coming out the other side, "it looked exactly like the side they lived on, but it was slightly different:" - then it wasn't exactly. The other side looked similar but differed in that "The trees were twisted this way and that, and the flow of the water slightly different."
The white pipe. Was it painted white? was it wood? Was it PVC? Was it for exhaust from stove or bathroom? Did it lead somewhere? Was it embedded deeply in the ground? Was it an empty pipe? Was it just stuck on the top going down just an inch or two. Shrugging your shoulders is not satisfying if the boys don't investigate it further. They were curious.
"boats were docked on the nearby rocks." One doesn't dock a boat on rocks unless you want the boat destroyed. You either beach it away from rocks or you have a dock where boats are docked. They can't be docked without a dock. In your story the boats would be "rocked"
"He had a big body build, and he wore a giant helmet with feathers sticking out of it." He had a big build or a big body or he had a big body that was muscular(built)
What did the lion skin clothes say when they "spoke of the man's control and power"? Why would lion skin clothes imply control and power rather than ignorance and lack of civilization?
"The man laughed. “You don’t know? You are in the famous Zwesome Tribe. I am the leader, Zwesome.”"
The famous tribe no one heard of? Is that Zwesome or Awesome? or A to Z?
"they had never seen such technological advances before. They saw....doors that opened on their own, switches that controlled light with a mere touch...There were also other very welcoming tribe members with what looked like small circles on their wrists that somehow told people time, and giant triangular objects on their feet that helped them walk. When the three boys asked, Zwesome just said with a twinkle in his eyes, “It’s magic. The gods have given us such things.”
So this indian tribe in the middle of the Amazon has electricity? They wear lion skins with their watches? I have no idea what the giant triangular objects on their feet were, nor how it could help people walk. People need help to walk?
When the three boys asked what? Zwesome told them it was magic. Did he believe that or was the twinkle in his eye to indicate it was easier to lie than try to explain electricity and technology?
"Just then, the boys realized what had happened." -and what was it that had happened? The boys didn't know their tribe had left them at that point.
There is now way a telescope looks through the dense growth of a jungle to see vry far at all. Being near water, the Amazon, they aren't high up at all and neither was the boys tribe. Highly unlikely the boys could have seen much of anything with the telescope that they couldn't see with their eyes.
"“No! This is false!" Really Frando? At an emotional peak you say "this is false" rather than it's a lie?
"you don’t look naughty at all!" So this tribal leader says naughty instead of bad or evil? Zwesome can tell just by looking at someone that the tribal leader lied about them being troublemakers? What was his motive? When did these leaders meet and talk about the boys?
"why not waste such a good chance?" Did you actually mean "why waste a good chance'? The "not" negates and implies they should waste the chance.
Swords? How have they been converting the Iron ore? Are they mixing it to get steel? Where are they baking the bricks?
This indian tribe in the Amazon has more than one construction site where they are putting up brick buildings?
"the boys got bored.
“This is getting boring.”
How about instead of using bored and boring within 5 words of each other, how about, "the boys soon grew weary of the routine" and then say "This is getting boring"
They decide to prank Zwesome and they do this by pranking someone else?
"“AHHHHHHHH!” A voice screamed, and a woman walked out of her house, soaked completely wet, with frogs jumping out from each of her shoulders. It was about half an hour later, and the boys were high-fiving each other."
How did the woman get wet from inside her house and how is it possible for frogs to actually jump out of a humans shoulders?
Did the boys wait a half hour to high five each other? (High fiving is VERY popular among Amazon indian tribes) or was the high fiving a half hour after they decided to prank Zwesome by soaking another person?
"shadow consuming his face" - a shadow cannot consume anything. It can cover things but that's about it.
"“Uh oh.....He found out. But how?” Frander whispered, and the other boys just frowned and shook their heads." -Did it occur to the boys that a woman screaming and the boys high fiving each other went unnoticed to others nearby?
"he pressed a button, and a gun spun out of the ceiling, straight into his hands." The gun SPUN - out of the CEILING?? It lands straight in his hands several feet below??
He presses the same button two more times and these guns spin out unto the floor - not near his hands?
The door was locked, the windows were shut tight. Tough to even breathe without AC. A fan would interfere with the guns that spin out of the ceiling.
"Zwesome then pointed a gun at Grando. Grando was sweating nervously, waiting for Zwesome to do something....
“Take it.” He said."
So one tribal leader "disciplines" the boys by moving away without telling them.
The other tribal leader disciplines the boys by either killing them or scaring the crap out of them?
Is this what the pranked woman demanded as retribution? Is this a modern tribe of cannibals that want them for dinner?
Is there no other way of punishment? Does the punishment fit the crime?
I hope you take this review as a help toward furthering your writing abilities. Read, and take notice of your favorite books and authors. The style and the way they are written. Imitate, don't copy them. Chances are, if you write in a similar way to them, other people will like your writings just as you like your favorite authors.
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