oh! i see what you mean about being passionate on this topic. you've really done your research, and it's clear - i can picture each scene easily. i know just what you're talking about.
you've really established a voice for the character - i like that liliane refers often to her father -"Maybe the son of a banker…that would make father proud." it's an excellent way to characterize...
language aside (because it's awesome), i think you should look at your story's structure. where's the climax? you started with "hope." do you come back to it in the very end? i think structure is very important, and maybe you could elaborate more on this story's climax, or at least make it more identifiable.
excellent job. can't wait to see more from you!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/deromane
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.19 seconds at 9:40pm on Sep 30, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
