I'm a real sucker for a good vampire tale. You did a fine job on this one. Lilly's parents apparently lived a very mundane life. They were probably better off after their little blood donations. I've known people that would be very happy to be a vampire. I can certainly see where eternal life could be appealing not to mention vast strength, speed, and invulnerability. Well...except crosses, holy water, wooden stakes, and crossbows. I don't think most of us would want to drink blood though. But just think...you'd never need to work another day unless you chose to. You'd never be in rush hour traffic. You wouldn't need to shop for groceries. You could see perfectly on the darkest nights and hear a pin drop a mile away. Some vampires are shapeshifters, that could be fun.
I found this in my Newsfeed section. It has a magnetic attraction to it. You are COMPLETELY RIGHT about the days of old versus the present. I was born in Texas in 1949. I lived through the ‘The Summer of Love', along with all the great music of the 50's, 60's, 70's and onward.
I totally agree with your statement that 'this world is divided, this country is divided, and because of a recent election (in my opinion), neighbors, friends, and even families are divided. There is growing sense of unease across this planet, and I personally don’t think it’s going to get any better.' We are drowning in lunatics. There doesn't seem to be an end.
I was a police officer in the Dallas Police Dept in Dallas, Texas, 1970-1985. It's totally much worse now than back then. Wearing a police uniform is like having a target printed on your back.
I think it's great what you had to say about greeting people. Where I grew up, it was considered to be a personal insult if you didn't say hi or smile. It costs nothing to smile and I say "Hi, how are you" to everyone I see. When they return the greeting, it gives me a smile...I feel better. The world does need "Love, Sweet Love."
I like this story, it is very suspenseful. Emily's life appears to be poor in the beginning and only gets worse. I've spent a few weeks in a mental hospital due to bipolar disorder. I'm doing pretty good nowadays since they got my medicines regulated correctly. It's not that bad of an experience. The food is great. :) Waters appears to be crazy himself but I prefer to think he is just a criminal. I can't imagine how terrible an experience like Emily's would be. So hopeless.
I found your story to be very entertaining. I think you have a flair for writing and encourage you to write on. There (to me) is a little confusion near the end. It seems to indicate that Masters is the bad guy at the end. You might think about it. Otherwise I think it's good and deserves 4 1/2 stars and 500 gift points.
This is a really touching story. I greatly enjoyed it. It's nice to think that sometimes our loved ones come back when we need them. It was very well written and the metaphors were very cool. I can see you spent a lot of time getting it just right. I've read several of your writings in the past. I can see that you haven't lost your touch. I see no errors or anything that needs changing. Thank you for sharing. I am awarding this story 5 stars and 500 gift points.
To be honest, I'd like to have a mentor just like that to guide my life. I've never had a mentor for anything but I can easily imagine the value it would bring to your life.
So, thank you for the nice story. I enjoyed it very much. I found no typos, errors, or anything that should be changed. I am awarding you 5 stars and 500 gift points.
You are the "Stephen King" of this writing website. This is written so well I feel sure it should be published. You are a very, very good writer. Thank you so much for the amusement.
I noticed that you like King and Koontz. As a suggestion, you might enjoy reading Robert McCammon. I've read most of his books.
I really enjoyed the twist on this story. I had to laugh. I am very afraid of heights. I have visited Mount Rushmore and can easily image being up there on a rope. It's totally awesome that the builders had the ability to chisel the faces just right. If you're ever up that way, consider visiting the Crazy Horse Monument
and include Deadwood...they are all pretty close
together in South Dakota.
Thank you for congratulating me for my new status as a preferred author. You are most kind. As a thank you, I decided to review this short story.
Gee...you have to be careful for what you wish for! This is very well written and amusing. What I gathered from this was, there is never a good reason to run out of gas. I never let my gas get too low. Since I was a teenager, I've learned that truism. It is set in stone. Also stay away from strangers. Don't leave your cell phone at home.
Clowns...I hate them too since reading Stephen Kings book, "IT". The movie of the same name was done well. Hope your day is good.
I found no errors and nothing that needs correcting. I am awarding you 5 stars and 500 gift points.
Hi Jim,
I enjoyed looking at your Travel Pictures. I'll save "Where In The World Is Sum1?" for a later time since it is the narrative to accompany the pictures. I see where you very recently were in Pigeon Forge. It's sad that people start those awful fires like that. My neighbors just went there for a short trip and saw it for the last time a week or so ago. I've been there once. I live near Atlanta, GA so maybe can get up to Asheville,to see the Biltmore Mansion. Yes, that is an obscene amount of money to spend like that. Hearst Castle in San Simeon, CA, is a large expensive place like that. The tour there is nice though with great views of the Pacific. I see where you were in the Monterey Aquarium. Hearst Castle is about 100 miles south of there. We lived near Monterrey for about 7 years and still miss it. I love California.
Ahhh, very clever and well written! I really love this story. You made the stage interesting and challenging for Ray. I can really relate to being out in the cold like that with rain and sleet and wind. It's pretty miserable to have chores at home in that kind of weather. I've done that. The cemetery was awesome. It reminded me of Stephen King's writing. The end was outrageous and made me laugh. Your use of metaphors was well-done.
I see no errors and nothing that needs changing. I am awarding you 5 stars and 500 gift points.
This is a GREAT story. I'm so glad you wrote it. WWII is so far away in the past now, I think the atrocities have grown dimer and dimer over time. They should never be forgotten. I love how you used Othello's view point. I like to think that all animals, especially pets are well treated even by enemies. It kills me to watch those SPCA commercials on TV. I fast forward through them. The story really deserves to have been nominated for a writing award.
Your writings are so cool!
By the way, I saw where you 'fanned' me when I got promoted to a proffered author. Thanks and Bless you!
You congratulated me on my preferred author promotion. I thought I'd thank you by reviewing one of your stories. I find this piece to be very life-like. It's so sad that our country ever experienced this kind of hate. We, today cannot come close to feeling how black people have suffered in the past and yes, even in these times it continues. I subscribe to Doctor King's dream speech where all mankind can sit down at the same table in brotherly love.
This is a very vivid story that has a strong message. I envy your writing skill. I've written on WDC for several years but none of my writing comes close to yours. I congratulate you on your success.
I think this first part of what appears to be a book is very well written. The story moves itself and is smooth. I find no typos or errors. It shows a lot of imagination. The description of his surroundings reminds me of being in a casino. Time is magically suspended there. You have only a watch on your arm to keep track.
I rate this story at 4 stars and award it with 500 gift points. Write on,
I chose to review this story because I like vampire stories so much. It is an excellent work. You have a wonderful imagination. With the setting being in Dallas, I could really identify with the heavy traffic. I was a police officer in Dallas for 15 years and can identify with almost any place there. Your story had a really creative beginning, it hit with a blast and ran at roller-coaster speeds, never touching the ground to the end.
I've written several vampire stories and read many vampire tales. Yours is easily among the best. Every compliment you gave to my story is totally true of yours. You are a great writer. Based on the excellence of this piece, it will be a joy. I'll have to review more later.
I am awarding 5 stars to this work 500 gift points. Thank you again for the pleasing and informative review you gave me.
My, my. You certainly have a good imagination and a gift for writing. I've read some of your work in the past and it was superb. I won't go into details of my punishment growing up. I'll just say that it made me hate my parents. I'am well acquainted with "The living daylights".
I think few people have experienced that phenomenon where the flow of time slowed, stretching each second into minutes. Not often, but occasionally as a former police officer, I encountered that feeling. It is true.
I really enjoyed the story. You are a very talented author. I am awarding this piece with 5 stars and 500 GP's.
Hi...Thank you for reviewing my port. I like this piece! I think your transition from the negative beginning to the positive ending was interesting and insightful. My favorite lines were "Be the cool like the wind, like cool mint kid". Write on...!
I have to say that this story was quite cute. You have a great imagination! I can see why you got those stories published. My question to you is...how did you get published?? I long to get published. My only published story is an e-zine at Bewildering Stories entitled "Old Dogs Die Hard". It is on this web site too in my Western stories folder in my portfolio.
I liked this story. It dredges up my own memories of kindergarten. It was a bit scary on my first day and for many after. My father was in the military, so we moved often. I was the "new kid" over and over. It was so hard to make friends. About the time I'd have a friend, we would move again. I wouldn't live that over again for all the money in the world.
I liked your use of the word "spiffy". I often use it and enjoy saying it.
I can remember having my favorite stuffed animals and how attached I was to them.
I liked this piece a lot.
It brings back fond memories of my youth. I grew up on a farm/ranch in the Hill country of Texas. We built a lot of fences but mostly we repaired places where the wire was loose or falling down. We had 314 acres where we tended mohair goats (Angoras - about 200) of them with some cattle and horses. It was a kid's fairyland. I loved riding horses and over all those acres of hilly land.
The rhyme is well done and consistent. It gives the poem a wonderful rhythm. The meter is consistent from line to line. The poem flows extremely well. It is a pleasure to read. You have used punctuation and grammar consistently here. There is nothing to distract the reader from their reading pleasure. Great job!
Hi Zeke. This work is the epitome of sweetness. I love my wife exactly the same. I tell her often, because she is a great friend and I can't imagine life without her. I suffer from bipolar depression. I feel down sometimes but she's always there to help me out of it. My medicines make me pretty balanced now. I'm glad to see that you can still review. I pray your health and that of your family improve.
What brought me to your port was the Title of your story, the brief description of your story, and that it was a short short story (I don't normally prefer to read long ones).
I liked your choice of words and the layout of the story...there were no spelling mistakes.
I liked the twist at the ending where the wife without further question got the shovel.
The only advice I might offer is to embellish the story a little or maybe make it a little longer. I'd like to know how a housewife would dig a grave in broad daylight. Also, you might consider breaking the story up into a series of paragraphs instead of one long one. This is how I would break it up:
The suited detective arrived at my doorstep he flashed his shiny badge to show authority. It was 9:23 AM. “May I come in?” the detective asked. I moved aside and showed him to the den. “Would you like some coffee? Fresh brewed.” I offered, attempting to cover the guilt. I poured a mug for the man and watched as he suspiciously looked around the den.
“So what’s this about Officer?” I asked while handing the cup of hot coffee. “Well there has been a missing persons report for a person your husband works with.” As he talked about the man I sipped my coffee, acting interested. “Well I’m sorry to hear about this, but this is the first time I’m hearing about this, my husband leaves around 7:30 each morning, he gets back at six. Maybe you could come back around that time, you could get more information then.” He wasn’t satisfied.
“I realize that, but I’d just like to ask you a few questions, if you don’t mind.” I agreed and the investigation began. “Well this man went by the name of Greg Harmon, he was reported missing Sunday around eight o’clock…” he said before being interrupted by the phone. “I’m really sorry, excuse me Officer.”
I walked casually to the kitchen and answered the phone. “Hello?” “Honey, I have to ask you a question.” My husband said. “Well what is it?” I asked, my heart slightly dropping. “Has a detective been around the house this morning?” “Yes…” “Get rid of the body.” He said quietly then quickly hanging up.
I walked back to the den, “I’m sorry but maybe you could return later?” I showed him to the door, removed my diamond earrings and retrieved a shovel from the shed.
I loved the idyllic setting the story begins with. Your description makes me want to be there. It's an interesting premise for a story but merely as a suggestion, most editors tend to frown upon stories that end with the whole thing being a dream. Of course yours did take a twist after the dream which makes it more unique than just the 'it was just a dream' stories. Best wishes...write on!
I really liked this story. It reads more like a Thriller than just a Mystery. If it were a book, it would be a real page-turner. Perhaps you can just look at it as the skeleton for the basis of a novel and write a cool book = a lot of $$$.
Just so you'll know, there are several typos. It didn't take away my enjoyment but some folks will not review your work if it has typos in it. As a suggestion, consider writing in Microsoft Word, do a spell check, and then copy and paste the story here.
Well done...best regards,
Dwane
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/diggle12
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 1:34am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
