"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"
PLOT
The plot was well thought out and I enjoyed it.
SUGGESTIONS
1) Too repetitive. Try to refrain from using the same word so close together as this tends to give the story a jerky feel.
' It wasn’t just our military that did it- all militaries, and even the civilians, viewed humans as (food), and most places, including the civilians of our country, still view humans (as food).' (substance) (that way)
2) This is too telling and too jumbled. The problem, in my opinion, when an inanimate item tells the story is the writer has to make it not only believable but tight as well. This is a very hard thing to do and, for the most part you have got it but sometimes the story rambles and you use more words than is necessary, in my opinion.
(As I said, the unit that my owner was stationed with was lead, in part, by this human- a Private William Jenkins. He was just your typical human, twenty-two years of age, 5 foot 5 inches, 180 pounds, dark hair, dark eyes, 25-30,000 calories worth of meat; not much to look at, except for a quick meal if need be. He was brave, I gave him that much, for a human. Allegedly, he led the unit in a counterattack after an assault had severely weakened the line- though I thought that was something of a lie, as there was no way a human could lead an attack, I’d thought. What could I say; I now realize that Redclaws’s thinking at the time was flawed.) Maybe, (Private William Jenkins, a twenty-two year-old, 5'5", 180 pound, dark hair, dark eyed human, lead my masters platoon.) That is all you need, in my opinion, as the rest of it is not needed and does nothing for the story. We can see his bravery by his actions. We do not need to be told.
Lieutenant Bloodtooth will have her work cut out (for) that one. (with)
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTS
I could see the privates characteristics but no one else's.
FINAL THOUGHTS
This was a good story and very imaginative. Thank you for sharing.
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