Hi there, one review requested, one review incoming.
Be advised, as it's a long(ish) read, I'll note things as I come across them / as they occur to me (so those parts may be a little disjointed) and come back to the top to summarise...
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Summary: An exciting and engaging story, even if not necessarily my cup of tea. As you'll see from the notes below, I found it well paced and packed full of detailed description and nice little touches that helped world build and develop a range of interesting characters.
The suggestions I had for improvements were mostly fairly minor - including slight rearrangements to enhance readability (some long, awkward sentences in there), the odd word change, and/or not repeating yourself in narrative and dialogue (if you're going to show the reader, you don't need to tell him beforehand).
Whilst only minor in nature, there were several such long/awkward sentences, ergo I would suggest this is where you could most significantly improve the writing herein.
I've also suggested cutting out the paragraph starting "There were several things the outlaws didn't know..." and showing the reader as the outlaws slowly find those things out (It wasn't so much foreshadowing, but giving away the plot completely).
There were a few minor typos, but nothing significant on the spelling or punctuation front (other than where necessitated by a suggested rearrangement).
See below for specifics but, overall, a fine job.
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Chapter One
A quick scan shows the piece to be presented well, although my preference would have been justified text, but that's purely aesthetic.
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Bit of rearranging in the intial para could, perhaps, improve flow...
e.g. They had scouted the best spot to hit. After searching the route, they decided on a narrow pass in the mountains, just after a bridge spanning the gorge by Sherman Hill.
"...had to slow its speed to navigate..." --> had to slow down (or reduce its speed) to navigate...
"...as a warning of her approaching the trestle..." --> as a warning of it's approach to the trestle
repetitive use of 'trestle' in close proximity, maybe try and vary some.
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Good, nice little hook to keep the reader engaged (unwittingly...), followed by an exciting description of the start of the raid.
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Some of the following sentence structures are a little unwieldy, and could be tightened up
e.g. "...They each reached the landing upon their respective engines almost simultaneously and slowed their speed to keep a steady pace with the train."
They reached their respective engines almost simultaneously, and slowed to keep pace with the train.
e.g. "When the raiders were satisfied that they could make the jump safely they put all their weight upon their left stirrups and reached for the train's railings while throwing their right legs over their mounts to jump and land safely aboard the trains on their left."
When they were satisfied they could make the jump safely they readied themselves. Putting all their weight upon their left stirrups they reached for the train's railings and, hauling their right legs over their mounts, leapt.
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Another, nice little dramatic hook... (thought all under control, couldn't have been more wrong.)
Pacing so far has been good, plenty of descriptive language too painting a vivid image of what's happening, how people are reacting, etc.
Personally, I'd consider cutting this paragraph completely "There were several things the outlaws didn't know..." and reveal the unknowns as the outlaws discover them.
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OK, a few things about this little section:
"He inquired about Agents Roberts and Freeman's location with the front desk receptionist. Joe told the secretary what he had been up to and asked to see one of the agents to discuss what he had heard. Not long after, Agent Freeman appeared and took Joe to his office. The agent listened attentively, scribbling notes before excusing himself and leaving Joe alone in the office. Joe sat nervously as he waited for him to return. It seemed like an eternity but lasted no more than a few minutes. Freeman soon returned and asked Joe to recount his story again.
"Do you mind going over all that again, kid?" Freeman asked as he leaned forward, his interest piqued."
inquired/enquired - US English vs British English?
"...and it was one of these agents he now looked for.
He inquired about Agents Roberts and Freeman's location..."
He inquired about the location of agents Roberts and Freeman at the front desk, before telling the secretary...
Do we really need the last line? Given that you then immediately show the same thing through the following dialogue?
And, instead of 'piqued', I'd suggest something like 'evident'.
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Subsequent dialogue's good, helps build a picture of "the kid's" character...
"He looked at Joe with eyes that seemed to peer directly into the kid's soul" --> see might be better?
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"That was 6 years ago" a) start a new para here, b) for consistency, six rather than 6
Purely aesthetic again, but consider centering your separator (****)
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I'd suggest cutting this part ("Then everything went dark. Tom was dead.") and let the reader infer his death.
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As earlier, this bit's a little clumsy, and repeats itself in narrative then dialogue...
Wil saw the door to the engine was ajar. He smiled, thinking this would be easy. Inside sat an old man. His hands trembled as he held them over his head. He didn't say a word.
"This'll be easy," he thought, with a smug grin on his face. "A piece of cake."
Wil saw the door was ajar. Glancing in he saw an old man, his hands trembling as he held them over his head.
"This'll be easy," Wil thought to himself, a smug grin forming on his face, "piece of cake."
And, again, consider cutting "Wil was captive." and let the reader infer.
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Chapter Two:
I'd suggest another rearrangement
"Hannah Jane was had been secretive about her background as long as Jack had known her. Hannah's Her expression would instantly harden, and she'd refuse to say anything whenever someone brought up her past. She would say nothing. Jack supposed that she must have been a trick rider in the rodeo."
And tack the 'Jack supposed...' line into the next para after extolling her horsemanship (i.e. having established the reason, state what he thought)
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Keep tenses consistent:
"She quickly joined the gang and had been a part of Jack's criminal endeavors" (She'd, or She had)
"Other members would come and go over the past few years, but these three..." (had come and gone)
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"Hannah before meeting Jack and Dan was a burglar. She would ride into town..." - awkward phrasing - Before meeting Dan and Jack, Hannah was a burglar. She would ride into a town...
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Generally, writing could make use of more contractions to sound more 'natural' and to flow better.
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Typo: missing 'return' after "...on people's schedules."
Typo: missing comma: "Jack had been in Laramie, Wyoming "
Spelling: "smokey" -- smoky (Merriam Webster, Cambridge, et. al.)
Spelling: "farro" -- Faro (assuming you mean this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faro_(banking_game))
Nice description(s) of saloon atmosphere, etc.
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"Leaving the saloon, he untied his horse from its tether, before mounting. He rode Diablo towards the corner of Second and Grand Avenue where sat the Laramie House.
The Laramie House was a two-story brick building with 25 rooms. It sported a dining room and a bar. At the back of the place was a billiard room. The Laramie House was opened over a decade earlier by John and Elizabeth Baker, it was one of the grandest hotels West of the Mississippi."
Awkward phrasing, suggest rearranging into one para - "He rode Diablo towards The Laramie House on the corner of Second and Grand. Opened over a decade earlier, it wasn't a big hotel. The two-story brick building only had twenty-five rooms... but at least it sported a decent dining room and a bar."
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"Why hadn't I ever even checked on Sam after Fort Worth?" he thought. Sam had always been able to take care of himself. "Still, I should have found him after the robbery instead of selfishly heading to Wyoming territory." he reasoned.
"Why," he wondered, "haven't I ever checked on Sam after Fort Worth? OK," he reasoned, "Sam's always been able to take care of himself... but still, I should have..."
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Some of the detail just isn't needed for either the story, or world building and, frankly, feels like it's been included only to raise the word count.
e.g. "Jack checked the Colt revolvers he always wore and his Bowie. Jack, put on his hat, gathered his belongings, and headed out the door. He walked down the stairs of Laramie House and up to the front desk and settled his bill with the hotel. After paying the few dollars he owed for his room, Jack walked out into the waning sunlight, and mounted Diablo. He and rode in the direction of to the livery stables.
He passed other saloons and a couple of brothels on his way. Laramie, he mused, was a town full of trouble. It was the kind of town where he could easily disappear, fading into the shadows like some mythical creature of old. No one took notice of him, as long as he behaved himself."
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"He sat there, at the bar, seething. His blood boiled as he filled with rage. Leaving the bar, he waited for the man outside. He stood in the corner of a dark alleyway, waiting for the man to come out."
"He sat there at the bar seething. His blood slowly boiling as he filled with rage. He left the bar with murder on his mind, stepped into the corner of a dark alleyway and waited for the man to come out."
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Typo: "attack.
The..." (Missing line between)
Typo: "over, jack quickly" -- Jack
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Chapter Three:
Nice opening interplay between the three outlaws when they realise it's all gone to pot.
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"Peering through the smoke, Jack tried to spot the source of the gunfire. He noticed a figure in a black coat aiming a rifle in their direction. The man was aiming and shooting at them from the other end of the car. Diamond’s eyes were wide with recognition."
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And I like the alternating 'now' and 'then' sections in this chapter.
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