The rating says it all. That was by far one of the best stories I've ever read to date. It didn't describe much, but the folly's between the knight and gnome was wonderful.
The language used was nothing more then perfect. The picture that you've painted was real to my minds eye. It was well thought out, planned and executed.
If there was a higher rating it would have to be a 10.0
I enjoyed every joke, every tease. Well done! Two thumbs up. ***** stars!
Thank you for letting me read these first two chapters of your story. Each one was very well written, and there is only one thing I saw that I would change.
Being published myself, I have learned over time never to open the story with a 'Weather Report'. That very first lines should capture the feeling of the story, and when you start out tellig about the weather it dulls it's finish.
You can do the weather but try to work it in with the first paragraph. A Weather report is like saying "Once upon a time" in a horror story. The reader doesn't care if it's raining or sunny. They want that hook, that few first likes that draw them into the rest of the story.
After the weather report everything else were great! Now this is oppinion. Beeing a fellow writer and reader, I think f you could change the start of the story it would be perfect.
I look forward to Chapter three
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/drgnsrealm
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 2:10am on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
