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Review of Broken Angel  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
I read this piece over and over. Rather than attempt to point out specific places that this poem could be improved I will attempt to pass along some tools which can be used effectively on all poems.

When I was about your age, I had the wonderful experience of having a teacher who loved poetry and passed that on to any of her students that were willing to listen. I am 71 years and two days old. I sincerely hope that I can give you some of what has served me well all these years.

She was most of the most educated people among my highschool teachers. She taught High School rather than take a position in acadamia, because she looked at an appreciation of poetry as a gift that young people could use to ease their way through the years of changing into adults.

"Poetry," she said, "is the language of the soul." I can still hear her voice echoing in the hallways of my memory. In her class we read a wide variety of poems. We studied Classical poems, old English Beoulf, Canterberry Tales, Edgar Alan Poe, Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky" and a wide variety of classics as well as contemporary poets like Robert Frost and others. (Remember this was a long time ago)

I read what you wrote about yourself. " My style is both unique and original. What I mean by this is I use words everyone can understand due to my lack of vocabulary *****

Engliish is a rich language. One who refuses to improve their vocabulary limits themself. It is like being at a Smorgasborg (a table set with many delightful foods) and limiting yourself to dry bread, no butter, no jam. That is a waste. Why let the best part of our language sit waiting for some one else?

You also limit your audience. If you write in the language of elementary school you are very limited in what messages you can give your reader.

I guess it depends on what you want from writing. If you write only to entertain yourself you miss the joy of real communication.

It is easy to improve your vocabulary, read others work, use a dictionary to define words that you do not understand. Each time you do that, HEY you own a new word. Let your English grow. Do not plant it in a field of rocks where it will be stunted and bring forth no harvest.


Enjoy writing, but never settle for less than your best at the moment. As you practice your craft you will find your best keeps getting better.
Have a long and prolific life.

My rating reflects that this poem is not bad, but I know you can do much better.


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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
but whose counting.. Whose sounds the same as who's but not the same. English is just full of little traps like that. sounds right but mean something else. Falling into traps like this expose the fact that you did not do a proper edit. Edits can be a pain but are very necessary to keep your reader where you want them.

An author has an unwritten contract which their readers, to open their souls when telling a story. You invite a reader to walk through your mind where this story lives. It is much the same as a realtor showing a house. You wouldn't expect a prospective buyer to peek through smudged windows at important rooms and then be satisfied with just a glimpse. Your job is to open the doors, invite them in and show them around. Sometimes a story is such that we can only let our readers look through the windows, it is much too painfull to invite anyone all the way inside, Then we have to settle for letting our readers look through our windows. In this case it is very important to make sure they are as clean as posssible so our readers can see just what we want them to see. Writing is about communicating, That is it's purpose.

It is always best to have a clear idea, what do I want to share with my reader? How much, or how little you share determines how your reader feels about the experience. When they finish, does your reader know just what you want him / her to know? Can they feel your story? Did you make them experience cold, hot, hard, soft, does the dust in the room make them sneeze? Those sensory clues put you reader right beside you in the middle of your story. Take them by the hand, make them experience your story. That is what separates a (so so) story from one that lives in your readers mind in the same form it lived in your mind.

You can look at editing as a drudgery, or you can embrace the opportunity to experience the story as a reader. That step outside yourself and looking back in is not easy. It is normal to be so caught up with the story in our mind, that we do not see what we have placed on screen or on the page. This is all your reader has to hold on to. Editing is looking through the eye of your reader. If you can do that you will grow rapidly from a word writer into a story writer.

You obviously have a lot more to show us floating around that wonderful mind of yours. Please take that little extra time to help us experience the same story as in your mind. Do not cheat us out of that wonderful experience.

Becoming a terrific writer is time consuming, some people have better vocabularies than others, more education, a better way of touching readers. No matter where you start, each story is an opportunity to grow. Reach as high as you can stretch, get the best sun ripened fruit way up in the tree, do not be satisfied with shadow grown fruit, The sweetest grow as close to the sun as they can get.

This comes with experience, practice, and being patient with yourself when you must do over a story so that you share as much of your self as you can bear. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it is a joy, a breath of fresh air filled with the scent of blossoms or that electric quality of a gentle spray washed breeze that fills you with expectations just breathing it. Whatever you experience in your mind will become the shared experience of your reader, and you my friend, will find yourself on the Best Seller list, Touch your readers let them know you were there with them.

Keep writing daily. even if it is just a paragraph. Describe a tree, or a house, or a broken swing dangling by one worn rope from a tree. Make us feel the wind in our hair, make us hear the laughter of generations of children than swung from sky to sky. Make our hearts stir with the joy of almost touching the sky and then passing close to the earth and then flying high again. It is almost flying! Share it with us.

I hope that this review is not too long or repetative, I can not sleep tonight. I am spending time with you, because spending time alone waiting till I have surgery is scarey. I have no hand to hold for reassurance, so I reach out to you. Hold mine that you may be assured the place you will earn in the minds of your readers. Enjoy your life, share it with others every day. Look ahead with expectations, Let your life be filled with wonder and joy.
Leave no story untold for you are a writer.


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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow, packs a visceral punch. Execution is excellent. Visualizations are poignant.

I would like to offer you some comfort. I really believe that it will be OK. I was having a bad night, one of those pain filled things where you float between wakefulness and just deeply enough asleep to give shape and substance to thoughts and worries I had not managed to burry. I had several very frightening incidents of dreaming? that my 5 year old grandaughter was choking. I went to her room to check on her, She roused and said "Pa, I want to hold you." She gave me a big hug then she said," The angel said it would be ok." I do not know how she knew that I was afraid, but her words and innocent hug and a kiss chased away the uneasy restlessness.

Since my diagnosis, I have had moments of doubt, but for the most part I am comfort that God is not punishing me, and that no matter when the end comes it will be ok.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of The Heart Key  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The software in the text blocks takes a little getting used to here. When you edit, make sure that you space your paragraphs in a way that enhances the readability of your piece. I always space as I write and then make sure I do NOT check the automatic paragraph spacing.

I noticed you left the end word dangling without punctuation. I would have used a ? Was that unintentional?

This is an interesting piece, plucks at the strings which hold relationships together.

I think this is a worthwhile piece and deserves a little editing. There are no glaring faults but it could flow a little better. I had questions in a couple places. You did come thru with the answers later though. A little reordering of words and sentences might help.

I am sending you gps to encourage you to write.

Practice makes perfect you know. Keep polishing your craft. You will be glad you did.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like this poem. I really like Canterberry Tales too, even though the language usage is not what you see in most common usage in the USA today.

I find Beoulf a bit of a reach though.

A word of welcome. Enjoy your time at WDC. If I can be of any help. Let me know.

d


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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I feel so stupid. Your procedure to set the review has to be done from somewhere I can not reach from my screen. I would be much more active but I can not find a page that looks like what you describe. Many places at WDC have these instructions which could easily have been written in greek, I try but my software takes me into the land of Elsewhere. Easy becomes impossible.

The only My Account available to me is from the column on the left. It brings up a long drop down menu which takes me around in circles. There is no
acount settings and options availible just a column of stats... on ...and on. Nothing clickable and nothing that looks like what you describe.

I am 70, 71 in a week, I am living on borrowed time, and it is very frustrating to try to accomplish anything here. What obviously is so simple to those who know its secrets is like to see through a black screen to me. I love to review, I love to read other peoples views and see the world through other eyes. It would be nice to participate.

I am sooooo frustrated. I have no idea how to put pictures, or signatures on my reviews. So I guess no participation with credits for me.

Are there several sets of software for wdc? Do I need to upgrade? Sometimes I think I should quit trying, my skills seem to be a century out of date.

What do you recommend? I am lost in cyber space. If this information was usable to me I would rate this activity a 5. But the reality is I need hands on help that is unavailable to me. The way I feel now a 1 would be too high, then I realize the trouble is I. The cheese stands alone, again!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Contrast  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I would have to give an eqivocal yes to the title question. Be glad because I believe in eqality among members of WDC. One must necessarily a wee bit daft to be able to mentally circle an object, or an incident; view it with equal concentration from many angles and then put pen to paper, or keyboard to screen and write about it. No worries as you are in good company.

This review is not too helpful, due to a departure from my usual mindset. I like this piece. We can all question our sanity at times, the fact we do; points toward the conclusion that perhaps the nature of SANITY, is not well understood.

You touched on a pertinent question with a bit of whimsy which shows you are in the same rocky little boat as the rest of us. My hat is off to you for being able to put your finger on the pulse of the condition and capture for a moment one frame of the fast moving flip movie we all watch in the recesses of our minds. Everything moves so fast that no one will ever carve a likeness of the sanity or insanity of being a writer. At least not in stone. Perhaps they can paint one frame with words? You have done a great job at that.
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Review of A Live Trade  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Author in the Spotlight  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (1.5)
If this is supposed to be a story, BEEEP! Not a story. Perhaps an essay, or an article (NOT A STORY)

Things to think about anytime you write.

1. What is the message?

2. Who is your audience? General audiences require that you stay away from jargon. The more technical your piece the smaller the segment of the population who will understand. If you write for a small percentage of the general population then jargon is acceptable, but you should not be alaramed if someone says "WHAT." Jargon as used in this instance is "use specific language known to only a few."

2.a How would you expect a total layman average Joe to educate himself on your subject? I suspect you would recommend a book.

3. The use of numbers ie 1 percent; would be much more readable if you used (One percent) instead. There are two schools of thought on that. Certainly 3 is faster to read than three but it is easier to lose in a long string of data.

Now about the rating. It is obvious that you know what you are talking about, but I as the average Joe reader, find that if I want to understand I must do some home work. You must make me believe that it is worth my time to do the homework. You did not accomplish that, or even point how I might find the specific definitions of some of your jargon. Because I was a sonar operator FIFTY (50) years ago a pip to me is a little spike of noise on a scrreen.

I can infer that perhaps it is a transitory spike in a data stream? I suspect there is more to it than that.

English as you use it reveals that you may have a lot to do before you become a "Reviewer" with even a modicum of respect for your reviews.

I suspect that you are reasonably intelligent individual, and probably have earned respect from your peers. It is different in each arena, a bull fighter does not use the same tools as a broker in a bull pen. Neither is inherently good or bad, they are just different one uses a cape and sword and the other uses vision and hearing and balance. I suspect they could not effectively trade places with success.

I look forward to a possible dialog. I suspect there are things I could learn from you, and when it comes to reviewing I think you could learn from me.

Who knows?

Always remember to test for clarity.

A general word of encouragement.

If you lose the opening sentence and identify this piece for what it is it will eliminate a LOT of confusion,.

You certainly do not want your readers to be lost. by the second sentence.

Presentions of this sort lend themeslves well to separating thoughts into paragraphs. The only time you run it all together is in the white one line information ribbon that moves across the bottom of TV screens. An example might be a flight lounge where traveling investors can keep track of data which might have immediate effect upon their investments..

I would suggest looking at examples of what you intend to emulate. I speak of the presentation. Is it presented in a way that transfers the most usable information in the shortest time.

I think you might find an audience that would really be more accepting of your Economic Report. This style is very acceptable and worthwhile, but is limited to a small segment of the population.
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Review of Black Dog Waiting  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You establish an almost visceral impact upon your readers; perhaps more than that, in those who have had similiar experience with the black dog.

I find no fault with the message which you present. It takes a lot of courage to open the windows of your soul to casual passersby, once they peer in through weathered glass to the shadowed space where the massive hound waits, teeth showing in the smile of anticipation already tasting the fear and pain life will never be the same.

A general observation which I nearly always share with poets. Reading aloud, to another or having your pieces read aloud to you offers an opportunity to use more than the two dimentional (sight reading) silently pulled from screen or page. I rarely offer specific remedies to particular problems. I am all too aware of how easy it is to get lost in cadence, rhyme, and poetic license and suddenly find the message obfuscated by the facets of form.

It is a fine line we all walk. I will leave the fine tuning to you. You know what and how you want to tell your story.

You have room to improve this piece. It is not a cold chiseled piece of marble with unchangeable form I like your treatment of difficult aspects of life,
You transcend the negative and make us aware there is a possible positive outcome to a journey through the shadowed niches where hide the beasts of the night. A little time polishing will improve this piece.

d
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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Touching. It is so difficult to explain, but it seems to me to be out of the natural order of things for a parent to outlive their offspring. I know it is all too common an occurence.

The Message here is clear and well constructed, The poem flows nicely when read aloud. That to me is the best test of how poetry should be. Reading aloud allows our senses to work together and give us a depth of understanding and feeling that is not possible with reading silently alone.
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Review of Shot to Winter  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I have long been a fan of free form poems, and lyrics. Your piece is beautiful and touches on the process of life much like taking the pulse. The heart is still beating with strong thumps.

Long ago I took a class in English Literature. It opened a window through which I could see the world, not through dirty glass, but through clear clean air.

We studied a lot of poems. One thing I always will remember, "Poetry should flow smoothly like a snow fed stream over the smooth round rocks in its bed. It should leave a hint of taste as it rolls over the tongue, like tupelo honey lingers after a tiny taste." I learned a lot about sensory words, fluid and smooth that stroke the nerve endings of our souls when we read them. I still hear the voice of that TEACHER! She was one in a million.

While our message could hardly be improved, I think your presentation could be improved. Even a superflous single syllable can tip the scales. It is so easy to lose the flow. I found several places that could use a tiny change (my opinon) that would improve this piece a lot.

I will not point out specifics, because it is after all your piece, I can not hear the song in your mind. If you read, (sing) this I am sure you will notice
tiny bumps.

I know how easy it is to edit out something important and lose the message entirely. I have destroyed my share of my own work, I refuse to destroy anyone elses.

Please write frequently. even if the results are not each perfect, you will find a manageable curve with which you can improve.
I look forward to reading, and reviewing more of your efforts.
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Review of Rosy Girl  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
"Rosey Girl"

Verse:
You came from school with tears in your eyes.
I took you in my arms and wiped them all dry.
I asked what is my sweet girl crying about.
You pointed at your freckles then gave a pout.
Some classmates asked what are those spots?
That is all over your face like little brown dots. (change to [are] dots is plural

Chorus:
Little Rosey girl if they tease you again.
Remember those freckles are Godly sent.
For this reason you have those angel spots.
They come from the angel's as their kisses.

Verse:
You will become a lovely woman some day.
Your red hair will grow long with grace lay. (this line needs adaptation)
Those freckles will disappear and fade away.
Leaving just little freckles to grace your face.
A new glowing face you'll be thankful for.
Then you'll see you've been blessed before.
Bridge:
As you grow older Rosey girl you'll know.
Your inner beauty gives your face its glow.
Repeat Chorus:
Little Rosey girl if they tease you again.
Remember those freckles are Godly sent.
For this reason you have those angel spots
They come from the angel's as their kisses.

Lyrics: By: Kings

I have written a lot of lyrics, I like your message. I see some problems (very slight) in the way the words roll off the tongue as part of a larger message. I know from experience that each syllable takes on more importance in lyrics than in any other poetry form. They are after all meant to be sung. As such, as mentor once explained to me, each syllable should flow smoothly over the tongue like tupelo honey and leave a lingering taste upon your lips to be savored at leisure.
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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Author in the Spotlight  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (1.0)
I fear you have written so little there is nothing to review?? The purpose of all writing is to communicate. Since you have written in English presumably for an audience of English Speaking people you must obey English protocols. Believe me they are wide open. I liked Jabberwoky, I have a wide tolerance. It is the job of an author to give a reviewer something with which to work. If you want to start an interactive piece, there is a place to do that here; a general post is not the place. Ive no choice but to tell you, go back to the beginning. Have a plan, and start. All you have managed to do is allienate any one who might be a lot more help than you think.
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Review of The Feather  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Your message is one that shows the depth of your soul. I really appreciate your opening the windows of your deepest soul to me and everyone here.

Poetry is the language of the soul, and even though your presentation is lacking polish the message is there. It deserves kudos,

Reviewing poetry is subjective. NO two reviewers will ever agree on exact intrepretations of a poem. it is part of the wonder of poetry that so many things can be revealed to so many with clarity and understanding with only a few words.

I would advise undertaking a program to increase your vocabulary. There are many ways to same the same thing in English, but each has its own subtle nuance and will be understood by different readers differently.

I sense talent in your writing. It is well worth the energy it takes to develop it to its fullest. Keep up the good work.

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Review of Love eternal  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
Poetry, is sometimes referred to as "The Language of the Soul." Fifty years ago an English Lit Teaching assistant told us in a short lecture before we tried our hand at writing a poem; "Poetry should always be read aloud! It should roll smoothly over the tongue and linger like a taste of Tupelo Honey upon your lips to be savored slowly after the poem is read." She read us a poem she had just written about moving across the country to teach and get her PHD. It wasn't the nicest poem I ever heard, but it was definitely touching, It exposed trepidation, loneliness, and showed that she was not afraid to expose the recesses of her soul.

We all wrote and two days later we read each other's efforts outloud to the class. To that point I had always been uneasy speaking in front of a class.

The poem I read was a young girl's reflections on the loss of her little brother when his bike was run over by a car. She really exposed the depths of her soul, I thought, "If she can write something like this, I can read it aloud!." The room was still for long seconds, then burst into applause. There were no dry eyes in the room. Something changed for me that day, I understood at a visceral level something someone else had experienced, and been able to share it with others.

Poetry is unique in that every word is important! The shorter the poem the more important each word becomes. I suggest reading aloud, or having someone else read your work aloud. You will spot little things which can be improved that are easy to miss. Authors, and poets all suffer from a point of view that is too close to see the forest because of all the trees that partially block our view. It is easier to put distance between onself and the message when we use the sound of a voice, and subtle nuances which we miss just reading print; become easily discernable as contributions to our message, or something which detracts from that message.

You will encounter discussion on Poetic License and just what that means. The points of view are all valid yet come from long distances apart.

I want to encourage you to write frequently, Practice does help us improve. I am a great believer in availing myself to all the resources possible.

The best dictionary you can get, A good Thesaurus, A rhyming dictionary rounds out your collection. I also recommend starting a program to increase your vocabulary. Use the new treasures that you discover. English is magic in that there are fifty ways to say anything but each method has its own special nuance and shades of meaning.

I look forward to reading more of your work. The small gift of points is intended to encourage you to write, keep writing, and tell your messages to your readers in the most descriptive and meaningful language that you can muster.
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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a very worthwhile endeavor. I frequently give tokens to newbies especially if I spot that they are gifted and also if they need encouragement to improve. Instead of me gifting 10 people with 2500 points each, I would like to put 30000 in the bank. for this purpose.
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Review of Glass Wedding  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh MY! It is somewhat rare that the message is so poignant. Kudos are in order for the message here. Rare indeed is a message so clear.

Now I am going to ask you to think about presentation. Many years ago a teacher told me that poetry should flow smoothly over the tongue and leave a lingering taste on your palate. She used the example of Tupelo Honey. Now in this case the message is a mixture of bitter, sweet too. The bridegroom could bring a bit of sweetness which is necessary to maintain a certain balance.

I am going to stress that reading poetry aloud is the best way I know to begin the editing process. I usually print out what I am editing and take a red pencil to the paper. It helps me think.. Each writer develops their own way to edit as well as to write.

I am one who only rarely gives a 5 star rating because to me that signifies there is NO WAY a piece can be improved. While this piece is unusually good, mostly because of its message, I do think you can find some little things, perhaps the choice of a single word which would improve your presentation.

You really need to write more. If all of your writing packs such a punch, You have a fan!

I am sending you 1200 gps. This is my way of telling you BRAVO!
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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
Keep in mind, reviewing is a very subjective process. Each reviewer by merit of their experience will see different things in each piece. It does not mean anything derrogatory about a particular piece.

Recommendations include the following. Avail yourself all of the reference materials from your local library if you cant afford your own, I like the unabridged dictionaries, thesaurus and rhyming dictionaries. You do not have to rhyme because poetry is the language of the soul.

Since each of us is different so will our poetry be more or less understandable to those who read our work. Most of the time a poem does not blossom from the mind in finished condition. There are exceptions but it is my feeling they probably have been simmering a long time on the back burners of my mind.

Sometimes I think of a poem as a stew. It takes good ingredients (feelings, intuitions, and thoughts) to make a hearty blend. Word choice becomes the spice with which we flavor our individual messages. Undertake a program to enrich your vocabulary. The more words that are a part of you, the better able you will be able to give the messages of your soul to your readers.

I think you will find that time spent editing pays dividends. You will feel better about yourself and how you write, and your readers will be better able to understand your poems.

i encourage you to keep writing and keep putting new words into your vocabulary. There are at least fifty ways to say the same thing in our language, but each has its own nuance. Use nuance to your advantage to say exactly what you mean. It takes a lot of practice, but in the long run it is well worth the effort.

Read what you write aloud. You will find many little things that it is all too easy to miss just reading print. You may wish to have someone you trust read your poems aloud to you. You will hear things that you are unable to see, because it is the scourge of a poet that they are too close to the forest to see the trees.

Long ago I had a teacher tell me that a poem should flow easily almost musically over the tongue and leave a lingering taste like eating a bit of Tupelo honey. It is an anology which when used will make an average poem much better.

I am going to rate this poem, dead center average, This poem can be improved a lot with minimal effort. I encourage you to spend the time.
Keep writing, the muse will visit you more and more.
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Review of Longing  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Reviewing anything is a very subjective process. Each reviewer is a composite of their own particular experiences, therefore no two reviewers will see a piece the same way. Please keep in mind that my observations are going to be rather general because a piece this short is subject to obfuscation with the change of a single word.

A rule of thumb, the shorter the piece the more important each word becomes.

I am a great believer in hard bound reference books, ie. The heaviest dictionary that your desk will support, the largest and best theasaurus you can get, and last but not least the best rhyming dictionary you can afford. I like hard bounds in that there are no files to crash, no missed keystrokes just words and definitions and the gateway to the nuances of the English Language.

I recommend an ongoing effort to maximize your vocabulary, sometimes a new word will lay dormant for awhile and then pop up in your mind as the exact word to impart a special meaning to your reader. The rewards for you are less frustration when looking for the exact word that you need; and of course better communication with your reader.

Pushing a message through a classical mold to achieve a desired form limits, to a degree, the allowable choice of words. All poets are forced to use poetic license at times, but special care must be exercised to make sure that the meaning is not depreciated in the process.

The poet does a dance on a razor thin edge at times it can be exhausting, but the reward of knowing that you have done your best will put your whole writing experience on a much higher plane.

Sometimes it seems a poem pops out of its hiding place in ones mind. It can be bare bones, or it can be a complete poem. While a complete poem rarely pops out of my mind, I love it when it comes together as if somewhere in the recesses of my soul an idea has fermented into a worthwhile piece.

Enjoy your writing. It should not always be a drudgery, but a little midnight oil at times is exactly what it takes to touch your reader's soul.

I like this piece, but I think when I read it aloud, that the author could make changes which would give it more intimate impact on the reader.

I will not suggest any changes as all I could do would be confuse your meanings. Only the author should make changes especially in such a short piece.

Now I am sending you 1000 gps. This is an effort to encourage you to write more and to let the window of your soul show your reader what you have inside.

My very best to you.
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Review of The Bible  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
My thoughts on this piece.

I can tell this message means a lot to you. It deserves your absolute best in presenting it.

Each individual word takes on more and more significance in a short piece. Using the same words over and over is acceptable when reciting a litany, but in a poem, kind of get boring from the repetition. English is a great language it has at least fifty ways to say anything, if an author takes the time to search out the words. I recommend using a good thesaurus, a good dictionary, and a good rhyming dictionary. They all help explore different ways to say something that help limit the amount of repetiton of the same words over and over.

I find no fault with your message, I just think you could find a more interesting way of presenting it.

I always recommend that you think about the audience that you wish to reach, then select your words to best present your message. If you bore or distract your reader then you fail to communicate the message that you feel so strongly about.

Now this review may seem a little harsh, but you must remember everyone in WDC was a newbie once.

In order to encourage you to keep writing I am sending you gift points. Keep on writing, Practice helps us all improve.
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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Since this is a sketch and not a finished word portrait I have been a tad more generous than usual. I noted one error, easily made, easily fixed. The sides of a coin are HEADS & TAILS. That dates back to Coin of the Realm under British Rule, Head of the lion on one side and the tail on the back. I collect trivia in my old gray head.

You have a beginning here which has a visceral connection to anyone who understands it. Your words creat a world of sight, sound, smell, and the feeling of the cold rain which chills to the bone. GREAT! It is the mark of a great writer that the look through the window of the authors mind is so vivid and alive. BRAVO!

Now, your sketch cries out to be finished. PLEASE continue this story. You have left this reader with a thousand questions that only you can answer. I am sending you 2500 gps in hopes I can encourage you to complete this story.

Now about who this reviewer is, I am 71 and only recently have I been willing to risk exposing my soul to others. I understand your reticence
to expose your impressions of your world, and the feelings which they generate deep inside your soul

Tell your stories, Please. If I can be of any help do not hesitate to contact me for critique or reviews.
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Review of She's a Thief  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this little poem. A poet of note once said "a poem should flow smoothly from the tongue leaving a hint of its taste to be savored at leisure."

This is a perfect example of the best of simple pleasant communication with a flavor that lingers.

Great Job!
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Review of Falling Star  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Poetry is the language of the heart and the voice of your soul. I always read a piece I am reviewing aloud. All the humps and bumps are clearly revealed by your tongue to your ear.

A poet of note once said "a poem should flow smoothly from the tongue leaving a hint of its taste to be savored at leisure."

Practice makes perfect. I would recommend thinking about what you are trying to say. This piece is like a puzzle and the pieces are not fit together smoothly. It is about presentation of the images in your mind. Think about this example. I as author, poet, ask the reader to look through the window of my soul. It is my job to make that window clear. Handprints, smudges, and strreaks of dried tears only obfuscate
the view.

You have thoughts which are poignant and deserve your efforts too present them to others. Think about your pieces as gifts of your innermost heart to your readers. Would you put such a gift in a brown paper sack, or would you think about how to wrap it nicely with
gift wrap and perhaps a bow.


Keep writing, Keep thinking. Those thoughts are the building blocks of Literature. Read other poets every chance you get. You will find that most new poets lack presentation. It is a learning exsperience and even a lifetime of experience can be improved.

You decide what to say, how to say it, then present it in a manner which puts its very best forward.
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Review of Sonnet  Open in new Window.
Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
This piece although rich in nuance and word built images, still lacks what it would take for this reviewer to give more than a 3.5.

I believe there are synonyms which could be used to avoid repeating the word passion so many times, and also the spacing of stanzas detracts from the flow. I highly recommend to all readers and poets alike, read aloud, then have your piece read to you. tiny rough spots reveal themselves clearly.

A poet of note once said "a poem should flow smoothly from the tongue leaving a hint of its taste to be savored at leisure."

This particular piece might not fit that mold as well as it could. You touch on some things which carry visceral impact ie.. the seven day war!

I remember quite well, of course i am 70 and have seen the degeneration of Beruit from Jewel of the Med, to the bombed out hulks that are there now. Of course the author may have had reference to the work week. It too is a war that repeats over and over 52 times a year.

Amazing what nuance can bring from the same words, NO?

I enjoyed this sonnet, and encourage you to keep writing. Practice makes perfect. It helps to have a clear idea in mind exactly what message a piece is to convey. After all the purpose of all writing is to communicate.

Keep writing, I am including a small token award to encourage you to practice, practice, practice.
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Review by Moarzjasac Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
I find this short piece to be interesting, and well written but itt does have one major flaw in logic.

" Carbon dating placed its age to be roughly a million years before than the oldest known dinosaurs. " Carbon dating is a somewhat destructive process requiring a fairly large sample of High Carbon material. Could be, but the artifact described is intact. This premise is iffy at best.

" First came the discovery of the ancient scrolls along with the unearthing of the artifact she now held in her hand" The time period "a million years" makes the liklihood of finding intact scrolls very doubtful. There was nothing written at that time which was at least (some what arguably) 800,000 years before sentient creatures wrote anything on hides, or papyrus. Of course it could have been aliens?


"Translated scrolls indicated the artifact would grant them access to a room hidden behind the door." Translating a totally unknown script takes years, sometimes decades to glean even partial translations. Most all "ancient writings" sit undeciphered because there is nothing with which to compare them. There would be no rosettta stone from a million years ago which would include reference material from 800,000 years later, Man written script, or carvings. Without man generted script of a similiar time period, translation would be literally impossible.

Your efforts are interesting, but you obviously pulled a lot from thin air. To be really acceptable writings like this need at least a tiny basis in facts. The leap you ask me to make in reading this is just too much.

I do not intend to rain on your parade, but I would suggest doing some homework and get what you can from learned scholars who are quite willing in most cases to help fledgeling wrriters.

You have a real great imagination. Arm it with facts, theories, and education. This will bring your writing from average toward the elusive excellent ratings we all desire.

Perhaps I am not the best person to review a piece like this. I know too much, and probably expect more work on background than most writers are willing to do. This could be made a lot more believable without making it miss the mark on length.

Keep writing, but do not dismiss the necessity for research. Please accept a small token gift to inspire you to write more.
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