HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"
Knight of the Review Table Review Given in the spirit of support and encouragement
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This review is given in the spirit of WDC members trying to encourage each other and help improve our writing skills. The comments below are just suggestions, only meant to be constructive.
Overview/Summary:
This is a bleak poem describing a situation where, it seems, all good has left mankind. It paints a picture of death, emptiness, and above all, hopelessness. According to the poem, man has become a monster, and has no redeeming potential.
Although interesting and powerful, it makes me wonder what horrible things have happened in the speaker’s life to precipitate such a gloomy outlook. He/She is drowning in tears and uses a series of examples to illustrate the misery. The examples are literal, and not metaphorical as we see in most poetry. For example, the speaker talks of tears, abandonment, a hateful world, broken hearts, ruined lives, death, war, waste and more. The main metaphor, repeated several times in different ways, is that man is a monster, and it is described by his tendency to be cruel, to kill, and to generally hurt others.
At the end of the poem, when I most expected an uplifting revelation or epiphany that man is really good and can save himself, there was none. We are left with the statement that man may cease to exist.
I do not criticize these aspects of this poem. After all, poetry should reflect what’s on the author’s mind and his outlook on life. If this depressing outlook is genuine, then the poem does an excellent job of expressing it. So, nice job in that regard.
Suggestions:
Probably most important: The rating must be changed from “E” to at least 13+. There is violence, sex, blood, and alcohol mentioned. And I’m sure you didn’t mean this for the youngest of our WDC members anyway.
If you want some guidance on how to rate your items, please see:Content Rating System (CRS) from Writing.Com 101
Please take these suggestions as my opinion only:
I think this could really use a good pass through a spell checker. Here are just some of the misspelled words, followed by the correct spellings:
untill / until
abandond / abandoned
hatefull / hateful
hurtfull / hurtful
alchohol / alcohol
oursleves / ourselves
Polution / Pollution
Paligamy / Polygamy
exsist / exist
I notice that with the exception of a few exclamation points, only one line ends with punctuation. It’s the 20th line, ending with violence, It seems a bit out of place, considering the way all the other lines end.
Conclusion:
Well, it certainly is interesting and thought provoking. The author has some strong feelings and makes them known. This may be well-accepted by the EMO generation, but is a little depressing for old guys like me.
Happy WDC Anniversary, and best of luck with your writing.
EarlyHours
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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