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1
1
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*RainbowL* I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the PROMPTLY POETRY CHALLANGE - For PPC Week 4 (Hope)

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I'm not really sure why I stopped here at your particular poem, but when I opened it the title was certainly interesting. We often find things, such as Hope, difficult to define within a context we know. And I think you've done a reasonable job with this poem.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
There are no true grammatical problems with the poem. I do find a sort of disconnect with the 7th & 8th Stanzas. Or I should say the 7th Stanza stands out from all the others as being disjointed. It doesn't flow as the others do. And the last line seems odd and jarring.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I love the ethereal worldview of this poem. You explain to the reader what Hope is with terms we can understand. We, as the reader, can recognize everything you're telling us.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I found it interesting that you wrote and posted two poems for this prompt. I will say that personally, I enjoyed the 1st one more than the 2nd.

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2
2
Review of Even Prompter  Open in new Window.
for entry "Bagpipes" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*RainbowL* I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the PROMPTLY POETRY CHALLANGE

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
It was the title that caught my eye. Why? Because I love bagpipes as well. *Smile* I also really love them when drums are added to the mix. But I digress...The rhyming couplets really bring out the beautiful tones of the bagpipes.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
The only grammatical word I found was in the 1st Stanza, but I'm not sure if it's because you were using British spelling. (cos) is an odd spelling. For English, I would have used ('cause). But I'm not sure that would have been right. Other than that I really don't see anything.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
Both the Characterization and Worldview of this poem are beautifully drawn. I can see the British Isles, the glens, and those who play the bagpipes.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I remember my dad telling me that during wars the pipers and drummers would play in the foggy dew of morning as the armies gathered to demoralize the enemy. I suppose if I'd never heard a bagpipe, it just might frighten me in the eirie Britain fog.


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3
3
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*RainbowL* I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the PROMPTLY POETRY CHALLANGE

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
For some reason, though untitled, this poem caught my eye.
(perhaps because as I was looking through the poems it looked like United)
Either way, as I began to read I was glad I did happen upon it. Especially since I've often felt this way.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I don't see any grammatical errors and as I've said, I think you've written this beautifully - thus no suggestions.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
You've caught the vision of a writer unable to escape their block, staring into a dying fire. It shows us both character and world view. great job.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
After reading this wonderful piece, I look forward to reading more. *Wink*

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4
4
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*RainbowL* I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the PROMPTLY POETRY CHALLANGE

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
This is a great example of the Cinquain. I love your variation of words.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I don't see any grammar issues and I don't have any suggestions for this wonderful poem.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
This is a great worldview for today. When I read it, I immediately connected with it. I've been shaking my head at all the political nonsense going on of late. And when I read your poem it all coalesced into a complete thought. Awesome.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I love when I can relate to the ideas conveyed by a poet. *Smile* I can't wait to read more of what you'll write in the coming weeks.

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5
5
for entry "Morning" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*RainbowL* I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the PROMPTLY POETRY CHALLANGE

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
A wonderful Haiku following all the rules. *Smile*

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I see no problems or errors. And I have no suggestions.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
This little Haiku sings to my elfish heart. I love mornings, especially when the fog sits low in a valley of trees. It's amazing to watch as the sun rises and slowly melts it away. A truly beautiful image you've reminded me of.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I'm glad you're writing with us. Keep up the great work you've shown here. I look forward to reading more.

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6
6
Review of Playground  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the I WRITE IN 2021 CONTEST

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
The poem has great symmetry. You hold my interest in different aspects of the playground and how they may relate to life. Good, thoughtful tones.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I'm not really sure about grammatical issues. But I do have a couple of suggestions with regard to wording. Remember these are only suggestions and you may do with them what you will....

2nd Stanza, 4th line: only to go nowhere; (only going nowhere)
--- 5th line: if only a swing can hold one's history; ---I was curious about this like because all the others were more firm/certain in their statements. So I thought perhaps (a swing trying to hold one's history)

3rd Stanza, 2nd line: sometimes gentle, others, a crash landing (sometimes gentle/soft, sometimes crashing/harsh)

4th Stana, 3rd line: floating along gently (floating gently)
--- 5th line: yet caught up in the trees of despair (caught in the trees of despair)

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
Remember that all these are only suggestions and I do enjoy your poem as you've written it. you have a lovely style of writing and I can't wait to read more. *Smile*

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7
7
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*RainbowL* I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the PROMPTLY POETRY CHALLANGE

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I love this little poem. Your descriptions are wonderful and make me think of days long gone. I love your vivid colors, or maybe they're just mine. *Smile*

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I don't see any grammar problems. you did very well with the poem. And, of course, I don't have any suggestions for you since I do find I love this poem.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
How you characterize your lover is wonderful. Using her breath as your foundation is ingenious. It brings together the whole picture. Great job.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I'm glad to have had a chance to read this. And that you're willing to share this with us. I look forward to reading more from you as this year progresses.

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8
8
Review of Mahri and Gnarich  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* I am here only to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
This poem has a great story and kept me intrigued throughout its entirety. I loved its magic and the rhythm of words.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
There were only a couple of places where the wording seemed a bit off (or weird) and I stumbled when reading.

Stanza 6: Line 3: and would gift her this dragon - to love her, as well;
The wording here is a bit odd and I'm unsure as to what (or who) is gifting her the dragon. I think, perhaps you might want to say....

"and she would gift this dragon her breath - to love her, as well;"


Stanza 7: Line 2 & 3:
and, amazed, saw his eyes open, blinking and scared
and breathing! - through gills opened slowly but wide\

These lines you can leave as is. My only thought when I read this was, "why is she amazed? Didn't she expect him to be alive? I would be more amazed that he was amazed he was breathing underwater. And so, perhaps...

" and watched his eyes open, blinking, scared,
and amazed breathing! - through gills opening wide"

Stanza 9: Line 2: live in that spot to this day, I'll proclaim -


The only thing I'm curious about in this line are the last two words and if you really need them. Just a thought.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
Your characters in this poem are wonderful. Very full of life and believable. There's no doubt you could create actual stories from this small snippet of life you've shown me. *Smile*

Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
Remember that all of my suggestions and/or notes are just that...suggestions. They are in no way meant to suggest you need to use them or change your lovely poem. Only to hopefully let you see through different eyes.

Keep on writing. I look forward to reading more.
Elfin Dragon; aka Lisa

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9
9
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the I WRITE IN 2021 CONTEST

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
The poem gives a sense of what the picture presents.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I see no grammar issues in the poem.
My only suggestion for your poem is to perhaps separate the stanzas to make it a bit clearer. I think it would also make your poem more beautiful because it would show off its structure. (I believe you're doing a lantern?)

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I like the characters you've presented here. They're both sad and courageous at the same time. Knowing where they belong in time.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
As I mentioned, I like the poem and I think you've presented something good here. The only hiccup I had was I wondered about the line...
"I have a future...unknown and malleable"
Well, not about the line.. because I then wondered what she thought her future or what her past was. Just my own weird mind I think.
Anyway, good luck. *Smile*

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10
10
Review of Dune Encounter  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Merit Badges for Fun  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*RainbowL* I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the I WRITE IN 2021 CONTEST

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I like this little bit of the story which gives a bit of insight into the character of Trace.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I don't see any grammar problems in the story nor do I have any suggestion with the story itself.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I can see you've thought about the character of Trace and given a bit of mystery to Zayda. And though you've focused on just the character of Trace, I would have liked to see a bit more of the World View in this scene as well.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
As I mentioned, I did enjoy this short tale. But for a background story I didn't get an impression of where Trace was from or where the Plot was from. I was hoping for something a little deeper, like what is motivating Trace. Just a thought.

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11
11
for entry "Fishing Derby " Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the I WRITE IN 2021 CONTEST

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I like the story idea of the fishing derby. It's easy to follow and I love the end.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
There is one paragraph which seems a bit off to me.

"The derby was a blast. Each team managed to catch something, but it was not until late afternoon when Tom Houston pulled out the biggest pike by far. He was already celebrating his victory. Howdy behaviour and boorish laughter echoed around the grounds."

It is the second and third sentences that make the paragraph odd. Was He already celebrating because he'd caught a large Pike before that one? And what is "Howdy" behavior? Did you mean "Rowdy" behavior?

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
On the whole, I enjoyed your characters. They were great for this short story.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
A wonderful tale for the contest. *Smile* Good Luck.

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12
12
Review of Poignant  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I love how you used the Prompt word in this short poem. It's very well written and you used the 24-Syllables to your advantage. Because of my own experience, I could feel every word you wrote. And you also used your punctuation perfectly.

Good luck in the contest. *Smile*


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13
13
for entry "Long Ago" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Very good use of the Prompt word Halcyon. And you did great with the 24-syllables poem.
The poem does make me sad though. Just to think that you seemed happier in your youth than you are now. *Frown*
You do use your words well to invoke that feeling. I hope that at some point your life will become happier.


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14
14
Review of Thaw.  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this short, to-the-point poem. It follows the 24-syllable requirement beautifully and uses the Prompt word in a great way.

But I'm not so sure that the thawed water would be clean. I'm not sure if you've ever seen snowmelt as it makes its way down the mountain. But the further down it goes, the more silt, dirt, and debris the water picks up. And if it has to go through (or by) a city it's even worse.

The freshes snowmelt would be trickling towards the sea since it would be at the top of the mountain. I know, now I'm being nit-picky. Don't mind me. I've got a lot on my mind of late. As I mentioned when I started this review...I do love the way you strung your words and used the Prompt word. *Smile* Good luck.


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15
15
Review of One world  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
*RainbowL* I am here only to review and give suggestions. Any of which is my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I'm also doing this review at your request. I'm sorry it took so long for me to do it.

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I can see where you want to go with this piece. And, I'm glad you put at the beginning this is your first English story.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
There are, unfortunately, a lot of grammatical problems with this piece. I'm not sure you want me to go into all of them. Also, the way you've written it makes it sound more like a screenplay than a short story. It sounds like you're getting ready to give this manuscript to a film producer. If you want it to be a short story, far more detail about what and where things are happening. And also the emotions of the characters.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I did understand who your characters were and where they were. I think you were able to get those across well, even with the difficulty of translation to English.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
There was one phrase "Mostafa went to her crying asking her to take his right from them.." What is right?" Because the teacher told Mostafa to "go and take your rights by your hands." That one word is the only thing that truly tripped me up.

And, I also liked the explanation at the end that the teacher was Mostafa. Nice twist.

Last, If you would like me to get truly in-depth. For instance Short Story vs. Screenplay, please let me know via email and I will assist you. *Smile*

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16
16
for entry "Insomnia" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the I WRITE IN 2021 CONTEST

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I do love the poem, It makes me laugh at the idea of using coffee to cure insomnia.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
You don't have any grammatical issues but you do have a couple of other problems which you may want to fix before the contest ends.
1) The contest states you need to highlight the word Lethargic by either bold, underline, or coloring it.
2) You're short one syllable. The poem only has 23. Suggestion, When I did mine I put the number of syllables at the end of each line so I could count them as I did the poem. Perhaps the word "lackadaisical" tripped you up?

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
Though I don't like coffee, I decided to substitute Pepsi. I myself have had nights of Insomnia and understand the horrible feeling of not being able to sleep. And isn't it strange that we turn to caffeine when we can't sleep! *Laugh*

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17
17
In affiliation with Merit Badges for Fun  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the I WRITE IN 2021 CONTEST

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
You followed the prompt very well and the title of your poem gave me something to look forward to. By the end of the poem, I could see the title aptly described it.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
The only thing I found was in this sentence of the second stanza...
"That appeared to have stair up which he could walk." - I believe you'll want to change it to "stairs". *Smile* It really threw me for a loop.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I love the character you created and the world in the sky. You're very descriptive and I can see each item; the saffron mold over the city and the gingerbread house.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I love the twist at the end! And especially the last line of your poem...
"Jack can't leave his house because he looks like a cat snack."

Great poem, good luck in the contest.

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18
18
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for such a thorough study of the Shield of Faith. I'd certainly be interested in more of your studies. And I'll say I'm fortunate in that my folks never told me I must believe in Christ. They did tell me that I must go to church with them until a certain age. But the choice to believe was always mine.


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19
19
Review of Emotional Ride  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the I WRITE IN 2021 CONTEST

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I love how you use the title of your poem to draw the reader into your poem and you kept me interested right until the last word.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I didn't see any grammatical issues with the poem. The only thing I found myself wanting to do was to add three words to the end of the poem. (and remember it's just me. *Smile* , I wanted to add, "down .... down .... down...." As I said, your poem is great, it's just me.

I also realized that the sentence "Our screams ones of joy" seems a bit odd to me. Perhaps if you changed ones to those?

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I loved how you used a group of people to pull me in. I felt like I was a part of the whole scene, waiting and wondering what was going to happen next. Wonderful visual cues in the poem.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
Great poem, good luck in the contest.

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20
20
In affiliation with Merit Badges for Fun  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the I WRITE IN 2021 CONTEST

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
I like the title for it gives the reader an idea of what the story might entail. The story also has good dialog and flow.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I don't see any real grammatical problems but I do have a couple of suggestions.
In this sentence..."His wife died last year and his only son lives in Australia." I suggest leaving out "only" because when you say..."his son lives" the reader will know he only has one son and not more than one.
And in this sentence..."I’ll come to the hospital now and call him when I’ve got some news about his Dad."...you could leave out "...about his Dad." because the reader knows that's what the news will be about.
You missed a word in this sentence..."What are looking for?"...(you)

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I love the characters and the worldview you have for this story. I can see the Irish setting for the wake and funeral very well.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I love the last line of the story which provides the ultimate plot twist for the story.

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21
21
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Rated: E | (5.0)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
A great story about how you overcame your OCD and used God's word.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I didn't see any errors and I only have one suggestion (which is only a very small thing). When you mentioned receiving the COVID-19 test you said..."She gently stuck it up my nose, wiggled it a little, then did the other nostril before dismissing me for real."

I had the COVID-19 test and though the nurse put that Q-tip "gently" up my nostril, it was not. It felt like she had reached that thing to my very brain and she only did one nostril. I'm not sure I could have had her do both. I commend you for being able to do that.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I love how you've integrated the conversation between you and your family. The story is written very well. The conversation is clear, it's easy to follow and I know who is speaking.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I thank you for sharing your OCD with us. Many of us problems we have to deal with. And sometimes it's hard to talk to others about it, let alone step out from our own shadows to speak to a crowded room. Thank you.

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22
22
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the I WRITE IN 2021 CONTEST

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
We've got a haunted lighthouse and a good beginning. I enjoyed the idea you've painted here. A writer who can hear the ghosts and a painter who can see them. Truly unique.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
There were a couple spelling errors that I found....

I stood staring out at the night, staining to hear the sound that had dragged me from a sound sleep. All had fallen silent.

He claimed she was being unfaithful, thought she denied it.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
You have the characters and their world done very well. I can picture all of them in my mind. Although you leave most of your two main characters mostly to the reader to fill in. The only thing I found a bit annoying is that you don't tell the reader the true story of the ghosts. You only say that the writer publishes the story. I think even a short version in this story would satisfy the reader.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
As I mentioned, I think the best thing about this story is how you had the writer being able to hear the ghosts and the painter being able to see them. Good luck in the contest. *Smile*

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23
23
for entry "Revelation " Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the I WRITE IN 2021 CONTEST

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
This is a riveting poem that speaks to your faith.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I see no grammatical problems/errors and I've no suggestions regarding the poem. I am constantly reminded, however, that what each of us sees in an image is often quite different. When I looked at it I was reminded of a dream I had, which was a bit sad. And even if I'm not reminded of the dream I can't quite see what you did.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
You keep the theme of your poem flowing throughout until the end. It's very bright and reminds me of the Angel Gabriel. Not sure why. Perhaps it's the theme of strength from God and hope. It's a very well-thought-out poem. Well done.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
My favorite Line...
Hope is reborn.
I am reborn.
From the ashes
I rise.

This reminds me of many things. The resurrection of Christ, the Phoenix, and when Christ comes again. Thank you.

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24
24
Review of Revisit  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*

I give this review for the I WRITE IN 2021 CONTEST

*Leaf2g* Good Points:
You kept it a Flash Fiction piece, which is often hard to do. I could envision the drive up to the old house.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
There are a few grammatical errors in the form of missed punctuation marks. It's an easy thing to do with this form of fiction. I do have a couple of suggestions though I realize you're limited in the number of words you can use...
1) The term "House" that the grandfather uses instead of "Home" is a bit confusing. And I'm assuming that the last statement of "...we can make 10 mansions" is to have the reader get the impression the family is very wealthy? If so...why would Ajit be surprised that the mansion is huge? Did something change in the way they lived?
2) If the villagers were coming with torches and the intention of burning down the mansion...why is the mansion still standing? Why are the doors still standing? My experience is that fire can burn even stone, given enough time. And the drive up and them looking at the home seems contradictive to what happened in the past.

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
Taking into consideration my suggestions....your overall characterization I like. I like how you've set up both the father and the son.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
I'm not sure I have any favorite piece with this flash fiction but I think it has great potential.


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25
25
for entry "Beginning Again" Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
*RainbowL* Just a reminder I am here to review and give suggestions. Any of which are my opinion and you can use them or not. Both are given with reverence for your style of writing and hope to help not just you but myself as well. If you have any questions about the review or suggestions don't be afraid to reply, email, or IM me in response. We are all learning to be better writers, including myself. *Smile*


*Leaf2g* Good Points:
this is a wonderful poem that follows the prompt very well. I can follow it easily and its imagery is beautiful.

*Leaf2r* Grammatical Problems & Suggestions
I only see one grammatical error in the whole poem...

Line: 10, "It's time to set you (should be "your") goals in motion,"

other than this one word, everything else is great. *Smile*

*Leaf2o* Overall Characterization and World View:
I love the world view you've placed in this poem. You've set a great point of view for starting again. And given several different views for the one writing the novel to look at.

*Yinyang* Last but not Least:*BigSmile*
My favorite line in the whole poem is the very last...

"Lift your chin, breathe deep and make a start"

I believe this is uplifting. It really speaks to what I want to do this year.

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