I review poetry because it intrigues me with endless variety. I find reviewing free verse especially difficult because the idea of what it is and how it is best accomplished is determined by the poet. With that in mind, here are some of my thoughts in an M2M review.
Impression: I looked into your port to find something to review and found a dilemma--which of three of your recent poems should I review? They all contain themes to capture my imagination: one about the sea, one that dealt with rain and one concerning the moon. After reading all three I chose to review "
the same moon"
. The ideas that intrigued me in this poem are: reflecting light from the same object observed by at least two individuals a great distance apart, time and experience shared and laughter traveling through space. Captivating thoughts joined through poetry.
Rhythm/Flow: The rhythm and voice that I hear, as I read, reflects the softness of thoughts mingling with moonlight. I like the way the words flow from start to finish. It's only when I begin to analyze the thoughts as expressed through word choice and placement that I find uncertainty. I understand what is being said but in a few places it causes me to hesitate.
As I read the first sentence I got to the end word (there) and had to reverse back to the middle of the sentence to understand. I would recommend placing the word there after the word which . Then the thought follows naturally, i.e. "here, dashing . . . which, there, lays softly . . ."
I understand the indented part of the second stanza and think it works well as you move closer into the narrator's immediate thoughts. I don't think the parenthesis fits here nor does it add anything and I believe it would be better to leave it out in this case.
I assume that using the word alone twice in close proximity is for the purpose of emphasis since it is not needed. It might provide greater emphasis to repeat it in the same way, i.e. "alone in crowds, or alone in bed. . . ." However it does not bother me the way it is and of course it is your call.
At the beginning of the third stanza you reaffirm that this is the same moon as if you might be answering a question that was posed earlier, but there is no question in the way it is stated in the first stanza. I wonder if it would strengthen the poem to form the first stanza as a question by starting with "is this."
Imagery/Mood: The imagery is original, powerful and vivid bringing the theme to life in the readers mind. Time, distance, aloneness, laughter and light are brought together and we find comfort in the mutually sharing of these ideas.
Overall: This is a superb poem as is. The idea, imagery, voice and quiet emotion are splendid. I believe it could be so much more through a few minor adjustments. Review word choice and order, line beaks and how it affects the importance of the words, and check for clarity and continuity of thought. A masterpiece in the making, keep up the good work.
This review reflects only my humble opinion. I am an expert on nothing, especially free verse, but I read and comment with my sincere best effort.