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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Jace, this is my 4th review and final review for the WoT spin # 60 in the Game of Thrones. Thank you for sharing your writing with me

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Her Plea Not Proud

First Impression: Another form I wasn't familiar with, the explanation helped and I went and read some more on this style so I understood it better.
The topic sounds like the author was discussing a marriage in trouble and the wife wanted to take her own life.

What needs your attention: Not a thing the explanation was clear and the author followed it precisely.

What part I liked best: The second stanza really struck the reader if she hadn't cried out she'd been gone and the husband would not have known how much his wife suffered. Communications is so important in a marriage. The poem demonstrates to the reader that silence can cause a lot of pain.

Overall impression: The author produced a nice story with a moral within a very rigid iambic tetrameter inside two rhyme quatrains.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Your poetic explorations were awesome! The reader is curious why the author has not continued with his explorations of Poetry.
Lady Lyn Signature


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Review of A Perfect Day  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Jace, this is review 3 of my assigned task for WoT spin # 60

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: A Perfect Day

First Impression: I like the simplicity of the Rondelet poem you created. This is the first time I've read one and I appreciated having the form explained. I had to read it a second time for it to process that the refrain was a perfect day. My brain can be overwhelmed at times and reviewing as much as I have been being probably half the problem.

What needs your attention: It fulfills the form and flows smoothly.

What part I liked best: I asked my wife to come away was lovely.The reader smiled and thought of times with her husband the when they've had the best times just enjoying time together walking. Romance needs to be nurtured and this is a good reminder to all the importance of spending time together laughing.

Overall impression: The form was explained with the poem which helped this reader understand the author's intent. The poem flowed smoothly with a nice cadence and the rhyme lines didn't feel forced. Kudos

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Write on.
Lady Lyn Signature


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278
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Review of Island Time  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Jace, this is review #2 of 4 with my WoT spin #60

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Island Time

First Impression: Wow, I've not seen a mirror acrostic before, it came out really cool.

What needs your attention: Not a thing, it met the criteria of an acrostic by spelling the title with the first letter of each line with an added twist the last letter of each line also spelled the title. The lines flowed smoothly and did not feel forced.

What part I liked best: It's funny I discovered this in your port today because this morning I declared to my husband that I needed a mental health break away from the computer and that I would like to see the sunrise at the ocean. I didn't have to ask twice we were there at 4:45 am drinking coffee on the beach. There is nothing more appealing to me than to see the sun glistening on the water. I definitely restored my abused self-esteem, the Gaby ~ Finding my way back is a stern taskmaster for sure, but I do adore her.

Overall impression: Excellent craftsmanship. The form was met and expanded with the author's creative flair.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Write on.
Lady Lyn Signature


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279
279
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Hooves

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: A Word to Whoever Cares to Listen

First Impression: This was good sound advice and some I should heed myself. I am guilty of not saying your welcome when people respond after crediting them for SP. I have limited time each day and responding to every thank you is something I simply blow off. So please accept my apology, I will try to at least say you're welcome to you.

What needs your attention: Nothing the opinions are sincere. There are no punctuation or grammar errors.

What part I liked best: That you made it a static item. It's good to nudge people in the right direction. I'm good about not over-committing myself. I don't run too many contests but I do donate to help others when I can. I agree with you about people hosting contests than never following thru with the activity after people have made donations. It's frustrating!

Overall impression: Some times the truth hurts but the bottom line is we all can have our reality sugar coated. Thank you for the reminder to be more aware of my actions.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Meow, meow *PawPrints*
Lady Lyn Signature


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280
280
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Kevin

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Stuttering Hedgehog of WW Two

First Impression: What an interesting way to introduce children to history. The story was easy to follow and fun to read. I love the stuttering hedgehog planning different strategies.

What needs your attention: My only complaint with the writing are the font size and the line spacing. I'm an older reader it would have been easier for me if the font was larger and the spacing further apart.

What part I liked best: The crow flying in formation doing their raids pooping on the Nazi's down below and the skunks enjoying their spraying missions made me chuckle. This would make for a great children's movie hearing all the animal's voices.

Overall impression: This was well-written story using different animals to talk about the challenges of fighting in the war. Each of the animals had unique duties and found enjoyment in their tasks.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I could hear Jim Carey being a crow leading a squadron in my head.
Lady Lyn Signature


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281
281
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Kristina, it's been a while. How are you?

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Michael and the Marshmallow Squad

First Impression: This sounds like a cute children's story and I can see the illustrations in my head bringing the story alive for a child.

What needs your attention: This sentence is confusing, Kristina. Yes, he had magical powers, but he was to those for Michael only.
Did you mean the magical powers were only to be used to help Michael? It's not clear with the sentence as is.

What part I liked best: Michael and Jordan's relationship was written very well and the reader could feel his panic that Jordan is missing. A very compelling plot and interesting heroes.

Overall impression: This was an enjoyable read and I hope you continue with the story because I could easily see the marshmallows helping Michael and Jordan in other adventures as well.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Hope this finds you and yours well.
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Review of The Dark Unicorn  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Jeff

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Dark Unicorn

First Impression: Two unicorns from different backgrounds trying to find a common ground. They appear to have an attraction but the author hasn't opened the door so the reader knows what will happen next.

What needs your attention: The character's name isn't consistent, Jeff. “What are you looking at” he asked, without even bothering to face her. Maryanne didn’t answer.
“I asked you a question”
“Do you always get an answer”, Marybelle responded. “Besides what’s with the attitude?”
“No attitude, I just don’t care for unicorns. Especially the soft pink kind”.

you have an extra into here--- ran into the into the woods behind him.

What part I liked best: I enjoyed Maryanne's stubborness. He seemed determined to make her bad enough to leave but she didn't rise to the bait. I also like that you left the reader wondering what will happen next so we'll come back to find out.

Overall impression: The author did a good job following the prompt, he definitely is not pink and doesn't have a fluffy personality.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Write ON
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283
283
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Brian,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Fade to Black

First Impression: This was a compilation of poems and the authors thoughts over a period of time. I saw a lot of familiar faces mentioned in your11 year celebration post. You joined the year before me.

What needs your attention: Nothing, each entry is different and there is no set guidelines other than enjoying yourself.

What part I liked best: There is a vast array of poetry that struck a chord with me. Meaning to try reminds the reader one foot a time forward. Sleep is over rated, don't you agree? One More Dand in Time reminds me how materialistic society really iS and maybe we need our singed toes to live. Intoxify, you and I talked about earlier today. Beautifully crafted poetry.

Overall impression: This blog was filled with different segmensts of Brian's life. I enjoyed spending time with you. Good luck with wattpad.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Writing is therapeutic @
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284
284
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Webbie

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Hanging Out With Chad

First Impression: That was delightfully evil with Nora and Tina. It makes the reader wonder if you had siblings? Mine was always getting into my personal stuff. She also is the one who told my mother I was pregnant because I had kept my tampax in my dresser, I should have thrown them out so she wouldn't found any evidence but I wasn't wasteful.

What needs your attention: I think you forgot the a in started “Thank heavens, I haven’t really strted, yet"

What part I liked best: When Nora discovered that she was pregnant and then if that wasn't bad enough the guy was face timing with her sister. That's twisted and evil and I love it.

Overall impression: Sibling rivalry can be intense as the author indicates in this story written for Black and White. Nora and Tina argued realistically and the dialogue felt natural.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? When did you sleep, Gigie?
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285
285
Review of Abnormalities  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Will

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Abnormalities

First Impression: I enjoyed the dark imagery of the setting. It had an eerie feeling which this reader finds very appealing. The introduction of death's door and twisted streets of human skulls was awesome.

What needs your attention: NOthing the flow was good and the stanzas added to each other as the tale developed.

What part I liked best: I loved the gait so familiar that it pained me as the reader meets the unspeakable menace and then the punchline is delivered that what the man saw was actually himself. That was twisted and delightful.

Overall impression: The reader was invited in a dark city setting where everything screams death and suffering except for a man with a humped back that to the narrator looked more dismal than the architecture but then he realizes it is actually himself. It is scary sometimes looking in the mirror and seeing what age has really done to us. I personally avoid mirrors at all cost. I know I'm old but I don't have to see it.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Dark and delightful, just like I like it.
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286
286
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Tinker1111

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: On a Starless Night

First Impression: This was a complicated poetry style. I'm impressed with how this all came together. The story flowed smoothly within the strict confines and felt natural.

What needs your attention: I certainly could see anything wrong. Thankyou for sharing the explanation it helped me understand what you were attempting to accomplish.

What part I liked best: The bleating of the fawn aroused my maternal instincts and I hoped that all would be good. I have to admit I jumped ahead to know the fawn was okay. Bobcats are fierce predators and usually don't give up that easily.

Overall impression: A beautifully woven story about a mama deer and her babies. One was stronger and able to be on its own briefly and the other wasn't so Mama stood her ground to protect her youngun against the predator. Great job!

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Excellent imagery and pacing throughout the poem!
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287
287
Review of The Silver Fox  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Dennis

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Silver Fox

First Impression: This was a poignant reminder that no matter how bad we think we have it there is someone who has it worse. Thank you for sharing this experience and your honesty about the event.

What needs your attention: Initially I thought the repetitive use of forgotten didn't need to be there but then I re-read the poem and realized the emphasis added to the sadness of the story.

What part I liked best: The re-telling of good old days echoes sadly as life quickly passes struck a chord as I find myself from time to time talking about the good old days. Tonight, when I lie my head on my pillow, I'm going to remember to say a prayer for those less fortunate.

Overall impression: Thank you for reminding all of us how truly blessed we are and reminding us that it could very well be us sleeping in an alley.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Yes, I do care and I help a lot with the local food cupboard.
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288
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Review of The Turnaround  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Norb,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Turnaround

First Impression: The realization that no matter where you go or have been someone has been there is overwhelmingly sad to me. I long for a place that no one has touched just once in my life. I know after a hard rain sometimes I run outside so I can experience just for a moment that crazy moment of newness.

What needs your attention: Nothing the pacing and flow are smooth. The free style form works very well here.

What part I liked best: You're unspeakable but I can hear you struck a chord with me. Their voices never leave us, do they? Even walking the straight and narrow doesn't give comfort or peace. Beautiful imagery with the autumn of your presence.

Overall impression: There is a poignant sadness in this work and a gentle reminder to try even when it feels like you can't. Very nicely done, Norb.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? It is always a pleasure to visit your port, I'm never disappointed. *Heart*
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289
289
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Sparky, how are you?

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: When the curtain falls

First Impression: What an interesting view of Harry's dilemma and frankly I'm not sure which world is appealing to me. I could see this story being discussed at a book club meeting for sure. I liked how you began with Harry mumbled something and ended with the same thing. Nice touch!

What needs your attention: I didn't see any punctuation or grammar errors. The story flowed smoothly and the reader had no difficulty moving from one setting to the next.

What part I liked best: Harry's belief in his one trusty friend in the brown bag, his bottle. Unfortunately, that happens to more musicians then not, they become dependent on either booze or drugs to do what they do to live in the fast lane.

Overall impression: Insightful and brief glimpse into a musicians world and the possible parrarel world if he fails. Both settings were vividly described and the reader felt like she was experiencing each with Harry.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Nicely done, Sparky!
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290
290
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Gabriella

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: A Snowy February Morning

First Impression: I don't miss those mornings anymore. I did 35 years in Maine and shoveled the driveway more times then I wanted. Mother Nature was a fierce opponent. The imagery is beautiful.

What needs your attention: Macadam is an unusual word and it might be helpful to place an explanation at the bottom of the page so the reader gets what the author is saying. I had to look it then the poem made sense to me.
The pacing is good and the descriptions are lovely.

What part I liked best: The birds laughing as they dug their way out of paradise in a race back to civilization. I chuckled as I envisioned that image. I used to have chickadees watching me shovel all the time in Maine.

Overall impression: This was a nice stroll down memory lane for the reader as she enjoyed your poem.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Hope all is well with you Gabriella. The farmer's almanac is predicting a nasty winter for us. *Headbang*
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291
291
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Michelle

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: You never get paid for your time

First Impression: AMEN! As a fellow crafter, I know exactly what you mean about people not wanting to pay for your time let alone cover the supplies. I used to do projects for people but don't anymore for that sole reason, people want everything for free or next to nothing.

What needs your attention: You have either a typo or a misspelling in this sentence. Thouse are all original designs with semi precious stones. It should be Those are all original designs with semi precious stones.

What part I liked best: I loved when the narrator offered the kit instead and the woman immediately didn't have time for that, of course not.

Overall impression:This struck a chord with the reader because she is also a fellow crafter. I quilt and crochet for my family only. Even sometimes I ignore the family requests because I don't see the things I have made displayed in their home.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? My current project is a 10-foot mandala for our bed, I discovered the video on youtube. I love being able to see the stitches done in the following a long craft project.
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292
Review of The Lonely Tower  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Ben

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Lonely Tower

First Impression: I didn't see that coming at all. I enjoyed the twist on Rapunzel very much. The setup was really good and held the reader's attention.

What needs your attention: The quatrains with the abab rhyme scheme worked very well. I think you nailed it!

What part I liked best: The mystery in the beginning about the room was enticing and then the delivery of the golden hair caught in the cracks. The tension and delivery were perfectly timed.

Overall impression: A traveler looking for a place to stay wandered upon a sign with a room to rent but at first the location wasn't visible but upon some searching he discovered the tower but it didn't have an opening. After a bit of effort he discovered a face and a jagged tooth and golden hair caught in the cracks, these discoveries impacted his decision. Wise choice in my opinion. He might have been trapped there too with the now not so lovely Rapunzel.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my immense pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Write on, Ben.
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293
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Review of Trees  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Daniel

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Trees

First Impression: The first two lines of your poem are clunky and need a bit of tweaking to improve the cadence of your piece. Everything else flows smoothly and feels natural.

What needs your attention: May I suggest this alternative opener to your poem.

Majestic beauty
rules the earth and sky
walking in the presence of greatness.

The reader doesn't know what the author is trying to say with beauty in majesty.

What part I liked best: Humbled by their immortal grace a never ending story says to the reader longevity and a peaceful existence are possible. Man could learn a lot from the trees.

Overall impression: The author wrote a lovely tribute to trees, he chose not to be specific about the type just trees. All of us are familiar with different types of trees and their contributions to society but often we overlook the fact that they filter the air we breathe as well.

The poem needs some tweaking but overall it is a nice tribute. My favorite trees are beech, red maple and the weeping willow. What are yours?

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Write on!
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294
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Review of GoT Writings  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Cheri,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title:Go T Writings

First Impression: There is a variety of different responses to the prompts for Game of Thrones. In this review, I've chosen to focus on the entry for House of Black and White prompt 1.

What needs your attention: The punctuation and grammar are in order. The story flows smoothly in the narrator's voice.

What part I liked best: It felt like I was reading about several of my friend's lives. The dialogue and scenes felt natural. I particularly loved each had to have the last word and the chance to slam the door. Ain't that the truth, what;s the fun of having an argument if ya can't slam the door.

Overall impression: Dennis and Shay lived a typical life but the issue lie with Dennis's insecurities about his role in the marriage. He felt threatened by Shay's success gambling when he didn't have any. These feelings of frustration increased until he crossed the line and hit Shay.
Shay had already warned Dennis that this behavior was unacceptable and if it occurred then the marriage was over. Obviously, Dennis didn't believe Shay was strong enough to follow through with her convictions and hit her. I was very happy when I read Shay didn't falter and left him. One shot, you're done.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Good job, Cheri, I'm very proud of you. You're writing is improving immensely with all these different writing challenges. Keep up the good work.
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295
295
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Tim

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: This Labor Day Holiday

First Impression: Interesting view of Labor Day which was a time honored recognition of the working population but now seems to be more focused on the end of the summer season.

What needs your attention: First of all with the punctuation included the author needs to uncapitalize the beginning word on the line if it is part of the sentence. This signals to the reader where the author wants the reader to pause.
In the first stanza, there are repetitive words that drag the pacing down.
Uniquely meaningful while serving
as a time-honored tradition,
Labor Day peers provocatively down
our annual ledgers toward the joyous days of Fall.
Like a lucky rabbit's foot,
it signals Autumn's natural beauty
with mild climatic regimes
and waves an unfortunate farewell
to the glorious, active days of summer
while launching us in every other possible direction.

Just by removing the one and and adding with instead allows the flow to continue smoothly. In the second stanza you have of close to each and that can also be changed to minimize repetition and help with cadence.
In the second stanza Our year long education advances succinctly and passionately rolling over and on sounds better in my opinion then the clunky sentence you have.
A good friend of mine always nudges me to economize my words so there are no and's, of's, like's , as's or the's you might want to play with your poem and see if you can make that work.

What part I liked best: I enjoyed the gentle reminder of morals, ethics and ideology in our ever-growing plans. I think we need to remember we are part of the bigger picture and work toward a common goal.

Overall impression: The author introduced very nice imagery and provoking thoughts to inspire the reader about the approaching changes in the future. The poem needs some editing in this readers opinion for it to recieve a five star.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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296
296
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


HiHooves

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Alliteration Station

First Impression: Alliteration station is more like a tongue twister heaven to me. I found reading it out loud a lot of fun and the words made me chuckle.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors but to be honest I didn't look either I was having to much fun with the vocabulary.

What part I liked best: tHiNG twitches tendons, tenatively taking time... man that was a doozy to roll off the tongue. When I got to atrocious Agatha and gleefully stumbled over words again I found myself totally embracing the musicality of the words.

Overall impression: Alliteration in poetry is difficult for some writers and yet others find it very easy to accomplish. I think you've demonstrated that it can be accomplished with practice. The poem was fun to read and I enjoyed reading and re-reading it as I wrote the review.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Team Florent is playing to win.
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297
297
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Pattie

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Cornelius gets a Cold (ps. this reader has a cold, too! Summer colds are the worst!}

First Impression: Poor Cornelius had no idea what was happening to him. He met some interesting characters but none really had time to explain all that was happening.

What needs your attention: The reader is curious what age level does the writer have in mind because it notes children but the vocabulary used is definitely more adult than the typical child reading level. I didn't note any vocabulary or punctuation errors.

What part I liked best: Time and Release made me chuckle because they were on a mission and Corny was along for the ride. They knew exactly what their role was and how to accomplish it.

Overall impression: Poor Corny had to miss school and then struggle with the cold and all of its interesting aspects came to life. Thankfully, time and release were able to assist him in his recovery.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Who's your target audience?
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298
298
Review of Grave Warden  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Wolfbane

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Grave Warden

First Impression: A beautiful tribute to the fallen ones. Thank you for recognizing their lives.

What needs your attention: I've placed the requirements for this specific sonnet in the bottom of the review for me to reference as I review. This should be added to your piece so the reader can see what is required and be able to decide for themselves whether the criteria was met.
Yes, you have the end rhyming but it doesn't feel natural the lines feel forced instead of fluid.
Like I am the warden of the many grave. This sentence is clunky with the word many with the singular usage of grave. It should be many graves but then the rhyme doesn't work.
The quatrains and the couplets are there meeting the other requirement of the form.

What part I liked best: It is their memories I wish to save. It is definitely an honorable task placing their names on the granite head stones. My grandfather worked at the quarries in Barre, Vermont as a cutter at first then later as engraver.

Overall impression: I believe with some tweaking this sonnet can reach its full potential if the author does some editing.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Spenserian Sonnet Here, the "abab" pattern sets up distinct four-line groups, each of which develops a specific idea; however, the overlapping a, b, c, and d rhymes form the first 12 lines into a single unit with a separated final couplet. The three quatrains then develop three distinct but closely related ideas, with a different idea (or commentary) in the couplet. Interestingly,Spenser often begins L9 of his sonnets with "But" or "Yet," indicating a volta exactly where it would occur in the Italian sonnet;however, if one looks closely, one often finds that the "turn" here really isn't one at all, that the actual turn occurs where the rhyme pattern changes, with the couplet, thus giving a 12 and 2 line pattern very different from the Italian 8 and 6 line pattern (actual volta marked by italics):
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299
299
Review of The Spark  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Angela,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Spark and Ignorance is Bliss

First Impression: Both poems deliver a powerful message to the reader. The original poem says to me the narrator isn't ready to let go of the victim role and fly on her own yet. It's a difficult step and some women never successfully accomplish that step. The second poem delivers the point in a matter of fact manner from a strong woman who's danced with the devil and the devil lost.

What needs your attention: Both poems are free verse/style but the second poem has a better cadence and delivers a stronger punch to this reader. It's more precise and to the point leaving the reader no place to wander in thought. The second poem isn't as powerful or crypt and there are excess words which distract the reader from the narrator's voice.

What part I liked best: The opening in the first poem on the page caught my attention with a jackal masked as a man. Great opening line and the rest of the stanza sets the cadence. Direct and thought to provoke stanzas followed with the same to the point, that says the woman is not going down this road anymore.

In Ignorance not bliss the reader feels the narrator trying to make excuses for the offender and herself. She is not the blame. Though so many of us women feel like we did something wrong.
Overall impression: The voice between the two poems is clearly stronger which delights this reader immensely. I'm so happy for you, Angela.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Life is about the moments, I hope yours are everything you need and more. *Heart*
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300
300
Review of Westeros  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Daughter of my Heart or should I say torturer of my soul.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Red Wedding

First Impression: I can tell you didn't sleep much from last years games to this years presentation of the different challenges. They are different, creative and tons of fun to do. I'm enjoying this year more than any of the previous years. I think the writing challenges have made people step up their writing which is what this site is about. You did an awesome job putting this and the other challenges together.

What needs your attention: I didn't see any punctuation or grammar errors. The directions were very specific and to the point.

What part I liked best: That the opponents if they decline can't be tagged for 72 hours. That can be a double edged sword if played right. I also liked that the challenger has to create his own prompts and not swipe them from your other writing challenges.

Overall impression: I think this and Black and White are my favorite writing challenges in the game. I appreciate the time you spent in putting the games together and thus far this year it has been so much fun. It saddens me that some parts were taken to far but overall the variety and different opportunities for every player have been great.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I'm playing to win!
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