Okay, well first off, there is not much here. What you have here is okay but I did spot a few mistakes. You may need to polish it up a bit...
1. She had no intention of liking living with her eccentric cousins, Melizza Redport and Raven Penn in Seattle, Washington, away from her home in Dalfria, Connecticut.
Okay, this sentence is a little long. It's alot to think about for one sentence. You don't have to say the name's of the cousins again since you already said it previously.
How about something more like...
Amanda was moving from her comfortable home in Dalfria, Conneticut to Seattle, Washington. She had to move in with her eccentric cousins, and had no intention of liking it.
2. Melizza was her mother sister, Olivia's daughter, she was 19 and a half and Raven was her mother's brother Duncan's daughter, and she had just turned 18.
This sentence turns out to be quite confusing not to mention long...
Maybe try something more like...
Aunt Olivia, her mom's sister, had a daughter named Melizza. Melizza was 19 and a half (here you could embelish a bit on Melizza). Uncle Duncan, Amanda's mother's other sibling, had a daughter too, named Raven. She just turned 18, (embelish on Raven)
Okay...
so another couple of points...
1. maybe say a little more on why Amanda was leaving
2. explain her leaving
3. It sounds like Amanda may be a little into clothes and that sort of thing, maybe have her like texting her friends, complaining, sad.
Well. This needs a little work, as well as more length. But I think it could be great. If you have anymore questions, just ask.:)
Overall: I love this poem. I like the revised version alot better though. I like the third part 'Open the pages to unlock and expose revealing chapters containing the nakedness of my heart.' Nice truth in the poem. Good Work, I think that that is sometimes a hard thing to do.
Emma
ps. I am doing the 'Diamond in the Rough' thing. You should check out all my port sometime.
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this poem. I like the revised version alot better though. I like the third part 'Open the pages to unlock and expose revealing chapters containing the nakedness of my heart.' Nice truth in the poem. Good Work, I think that that is sometimes a hard thing to do.