I like it. the first chapter introduced the main character and gave a bit of back story without clogging it up. it also introduced what the main piece of contention is without telling all. your descriptions were detailed but not overly so.
Perhaps add sometype of description of the main character though, does she take after her mother in looks or her un-mentioned father? If she takes after her father maybe toss in something quick about why he wasn't in the picture. though when Albert mentions that his family protects the bloodline etc.. it brings questions up.
When he says Mariel's daughter could fix it, it does help ask the question of who her father was and could be something added later; say he was a member of one of the other families, to add a twist to the story later on.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ericadrew
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 6:09pm on Nov 16, 2024 via server WEBX1.