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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/eveorchard
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2 Public Reviews Given
2 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Eve Orchard Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
First of all I'd like to say that I really enjoy the idea of this story. The bond between what I assume is a human and a phoenix is something I haven't ever come across, and I believe it could make a very interesting story. The description in the writing was well done and the only small problems i could find were a few sentences here and there that didn't flow well. For example "Then the most amazing thing Ethan or his wife had ever seen the bird started to sing" or 'After a few seconds the egg started slowly vibrating and all eyes were held to it including the new born child who hadn’t cried once just sat still and quiet watching things he could never understand." (the latter seems like a bit of a run on sentence) Its easy to get so trapped in the mindset of your story that you forget that the readers aren't in there with you and what makes sense in your mind might not come out clearly to them. I find that reviewing your work a few days after it was written usually takes care of this problem. All in all though it was a good piece and I hope to be able to read more of it soon! :)
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Review of Trapped  Open in new Window.
Review by Eve Orchard Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The dialoge is natural and it is a fun story with believable characters. You found a way to make what could have been a very boring situation into a good read, but i'm not sure how well this script could be done on stage since they're confined to a small room with little to work with. This could make an excellent prose piece though. Thanks for the entertainment! You have quite the talent and I hope to read more of your scripts in the future.
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