I must admit that this piece made me laugh aloud. I really love your take on dragons. I also really love the historical, Biblical, and artifact references you included, making it educational as well as entertaining! One thing I did notice is that there are a few editing errors. For instance, at the end of one paragraph there is a random word sitting there lonely and forgotten. I don't remember any other specifics but I know there were a few things that bothered me. I may be wrong, but I believe you mean to say "chaff" when you say "chafe". Chaff is refuse or unneeded parts. Chafe is to cause irritation (usually by rubbing something together). I also thought that there were a few phrases in the narration that broke the "character" of the story and sounded too modern or conversational or juvenile (or something!). I'm having a hard time explaining it. I would suggest just going back over it and looking for inconsistencies in your voice. Overall, this was fantastic! Thanks for sharing! Good luck!
This is an interesting story. I think the idea is a very good one. However, the writing still needs a lot of work. Your voice seem to waver between styles. Sometimes it sounds like you are narrating a fable, sometimes it sounds like you are narrating a modern novel, and sometimes it sounds like you are telling a story aurally. You need to figure out what style you want to use and stick with language that is appropriate for that style only. I also thought you could expand and give more detail near the end. It seems rather convenient that Bruce just happens to find his brothers and then they stumble upon their father. It seems to me that they should be looking for each other or at least Bruce is looking for them. I do appreciate that for the most part you use good grammar and spelling. Thank you! I think the biggest thing you need to work on now though is finding your voice and making it consistent. Good luck!
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