The concept's not bad. In fact I like it generally. But the telling in and of itself is a bit bland. It's not believable, and the "aha!" moments aren't believable. Where do the powers come from? It should take more work for the girls to find them. Their characters are also not as well defined as I'd like. Sam is best defined, as the reader sees her feelings the most, but Julie and Brit are rather two dimensional. IMHO, don't throw out the idea/plot/story. I can see it being very interesting, sort of a Narnia-related idea, but it needs a lot of work. Consider this composition as no more than a plot/synopses or sketch.
Lots of potential here!
All the best,
Fierology
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fierology
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 5:16am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
